I finally got up the nerve to report the rape from 1998, after I had become strong enough to stop letting things slide. I was in the middle of litigation with the Abbey, and decided I should go forward to the police about being raped when I was 24, which was the incident where I "lost my virginity" to assault.
I told Christa I was going to do this first. She tried to discourage me, in the strongest terms. She kept saying how it would ruin my reputation.
The Willamette Week article hadn't been made about me yet.
I went forward to a Detective Gross. Actually, first I went to Tigard, and the two officers there were very good about it, but told me it was Portland's jurisdiction because that's where it happened. So when I went, I told Christa first. I was met at the station by two officers who made me wait forever, and then insulted me and harassed me and didn't even want to take my report. I was crying and shaking, and they kept making abusive comments. I gave up and then later decided to ask for someone else. I got put through to the sexual assault department and got Detective Gross, whom I really liked and who was professional.
He decided to set up a call sting, to get him to speak to the fact of what he'd done. I thought there was a good chance he would because I knew he felt guilty about it afterwards. He knew I said "no" several times too and had yelled over me. He also knew I had told him, before and during our date, that I was not going to have sex with him and that I was a virgin and for religious reasons was saving myself for marriage. There was zero misunderstanding. I was stuck in his apartment where there were no friends or other people around. I trusted him, like I'd trusted my guy friends from high school. We hung out at their place or parent's house all the time and no one tried anything. Going to someone's house didn't mean a thing to me. It didn't mean I was going to do something with someone, and I had no reason or past experience to base any other belief to the contrary. I had not even kissed anyone other than one person and there is absolutely no man to come forward with a contradicting story. I had kissed one man prior to this rape, Robin Bechtold, and had not even kissed him for years. I had gone 6 years with only having my limited experience through Robin. If I told Robin to stop, he did. I thought all men were that way.
So I didn't have trouble convincing Gross at all and we set up the sting. I went into the police office to do it. I did think it was odd that Gross commented on how "friendly" I seemed with the roommate who answered the phone on behalf of Josh. I believe it was Joshua Gatov but I can't remember his last name off the top of my head. It's in the Portland police records. I was just playing a part though, as Gross asked me to do.
I had only told Christa Schneider, before going to police, that I was reporting this rape. I told her his name too. And when we called, we were told, by his roommate, that Josh had just left the country for Thailand. I thought it was very odd and more than coincidental. I fully believed Josh had been tipped off by someone to leave, and he left just a couple of days after the investigation began, and we were told no one knew when he was coming back. He left things behind as well. I didn't know if someone in police tipped him off, but at that time, I didn't fully suspect Christa would have anything to do with it. I wondered about her, but didn't have "enough proof". Instead, I wondered if my phone was tapped or someone got wind through the police. Because the first two Portland police officers had harassed me so badly, I wondered if it was them or someone who knew them. One of the guys was worse than the other, but both were bad.
So Gross said there was nothing we could do, because he was out of the country. We were told it might be indefinitely.
I had a lawyer later tell me it would work towards my case against the Abbey to be able to show how they KNEW ahead of time, that I was a sexual assault victim before I came into their "care" and volunteered for them at the library--I was told because the clergy was aware of my vulnerabilities, they would be more subject to having taken advantage of me and it also disproved their claim that I was trying to seduce one of their monks and that I was wearing seductive clothing. It showed I had gone to the Abbey for protection, not for a hook up, to feel safe, and that I had trusted these religious men with my well being and counseling. Victims of sexual assault, who were virgins until they were 24, and modest, do not wear sexy clothing. As was true for me, I went the opposite direction and tried to cover myself up more with clothing, not only for my own unknown reasons, but because I didn't want to draw attention to my body.
Maybe the Abbey and Christa knew this. Maybe they were worried it would be a blow to their theory. I don't know, because the next thing that happened, after I reported this rape, or tried to, was that the Willamette Week defamed me, making all kinds of crazy claims.
I don't know if Detective Gross was Catholic or not, but after the article came out, he sort of insulted me by saying maybe I didn't want to go through with the rape investigation now, and, he told me, if I wanted to avoid dirty looks from people in Portland, to get rid of my coat. He told me my coat was very distinctive and since it was photographed in the article by a newspaper everyone read, I was identifiable. Basically, he suggested cancelling the investigation, and then said he didn't know if that would be good for my lawsuits or not--work in my favor or not and started making weird suggestions. And he told me to buy a new coat.
I was defamed, and then pressured to drop the rape investigation. So I did.
I was a pariah in the town, and no one knew the real story.
Not only that, a rapist went free, and the Catholic church probably got what they wanted as well. Insulation. And, of course, anything to prevent me from securing a lawyer.
They snowed me with so much paper and constant harassment I didn't have time to even look for an attorney. I said as much to Christa, that this was the main problem. I did look, but not for long, because no one was brave enough to take my case, or had enough faith in me. I didn't come out and tell them "Hey, I was innocent, and I was a virgin and I don't have some crazy sex history or mental instability history or history of anything negative. I was framed and slammed and I can prove it." Instead, when lawyers asked me things like, "They'll destroy you on the stand. They'll ask you questions like, 'How many men have you fucked"...when a lawyer said this to me I responded with, "I don't think I'll have a problem with that. I've nothing to be ashamed of." I didn't feel it was necessary to give a run down of my non-existant sex history. And besides, he was already too determined NOT to take my case. The others, were simply afraid.
I came very, very, close to pulling it off myself, despite the trauma, and everything else. Depsite the fact I had panic attacks when approached by Kaempf. I still forced myself to confront the situation and take a stand for myself when no one else would.
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