freewriting/images/poems

I wrote these first two poems 2 nights ago--not the greatest. I wrote them the night of the debates (but these have nothing to do with politics)

dauphin errand
clockwork on your hands
ticking off time as you tie
your shoelaces
ghosts pull you up by the waist
again
arms about you as you stand
strings are slack
remember her face in your hair
gloss stuck on strand
yellow butterflies
wallow in the batter
shadows of a man in the mire
"you're hired" she said
raise your arms
higher
higher
remember how you became
strong as she became weak
she put on your wings
raced into a fire that
looked like incandescent light
free to ground--you
she flew
stuck a note on
your door with the palm of her hand
laugher ran through every hall,
after her
all the flowers
shaking hands on the wallpaper then
when she walzed by them
she will pull fibers from the tapestry
while you hesitate--she will make a lampshade
to shield you from the glare
if you like,
to wear on your head
is this the woman who kissed your shoes
pointed out the pansies
ravaging a garden for
carrots to chew unwashed
***********************************

you were here
i could smell you
when i walked in
no one else smells this way
protect me
************************************
this isn't a poem but i lit some candles and listened to classical music the other night, while i was writing the above poems. i made note of the ones i liked:

donizetti
regnava nel silenzio...quando, rapito in estasi
lucia di lammermoor
angela gheorghiu, soprnao

(just listened to several versions of this aria: callas, brightman, gheorghiu, netrebko, sutherland, and dessay. something about netrebko's voice i don't like as much, it's back deep in the throat, but her interpretation is, i think, the best i heard. it was the only version which almost made me cry and moved me. she's got the ability to tell an effective story through song, though i don't think she has the best tone ever. very nice. the version i heard on youtube is where she's wearing a black v-neck dress with her hair in chopsticks half-way up, and i think there are chinese? subtitles below)

albinani symphony in c major for strings and
albinani in venice
1 solisti veneti
(i liked the 1st part, before the swirling, happy, part)

tchaikovsky
piano concerto no. 2 in g major, op. 44
jean mantinou, conductor
sylvia kersenbaum, piano
(i liked the strings section best, ironically)

bach
brandenburg conceto no. 6 in B-flat maj BWV105
trevor pinnock, conductor
the english concert
(pretty, sort of baroque)

in comparing albinani with the tchaikowsky i listened to later,
i liked the melody of albinani at first but then i got bored
the tchaikovsky piece was interesting all the way through and held my attention, it just seemed a bit more complex, though more moody
***********************************************************

spirals of paper confetti coming down from the ceiling
looking like chihuly's latest exhibit upside down
falling slowly as lily-of-the-valley is quiet in the shade
dark blades near the base
on the side where the tree with orange berries grew
i pinched the seedy flesh with my thumb and forefinger
for paint
i put hand lotion in my ears for my earache
to make them softer and to sooth
i mouthwashed with perfume
thinking it would be better than listerine
i painted my lips with nail polish
i thought it would last longer
as the skin on my lips was burning a bleed
i looked in the mirror
less a lady than a mad scientist
chewing the indian gum from the stalks of weeds and
peeling bark off of trees for paper
tasting the fluid from the milk-weed, a bitter starchy paste
i made mayonnaise taste like cottage cheese
mixed all the food colors into cookie batter
which colored them black-purple when baked
got to eat the entire batch by myself
because they all looked burnt and bad
painted my brothers nails and had him twirling in
my orange ruffled skirt
until daddy came home from work unexpectedly
finding his son in barettes and wanting to show him a spin
spied on the lovers at montgomery park, where the water
covered them to the waist
by the mulberry tree, with my bare feet stained purple
and police coming for cousins a year later
after we mooned a passing sailboat
thought i was going to jail but rory lied and said
"THOSE girls already left the park, officer"
we were fishing for our underwear on the banks
when he left, next to the muddy reeds
this, the first third of my life
sun blazing on my back, with lily-of-the-valley waiting
**********************************************************

bright blue arrows on either side
black screen inbetween,
on a stand
fans whirring
blue planes above coming from either side
like bluebirds or like torpedos like bullets
at eachother
crossing underneath lightning strikes
flash of light
flittering silver as it implodes
reaching out in a spark of metal
music notes rising from the
cinders and ash
i am raking a japanese design
in a field of ashes
********************************************************

elephant stomping in india
gold messages like necklaces
bamboo leaves and saris
wrapped around a tree
a flag of freedom
rolling out a carpet
underfoot, all is moving
worker ants underneath the rug
carrying ten times their weight
a city in the motherboard
chattering chatter chattering
pulling out pieces from the tunnels
storing food in the bank
***********************************************

strike your match
on my mark
light a fire under my feet
sing chariots of fire
not swing low, sweet chariot
this track was never level
never easy
you pull me forward with the baton
just out of reach
asking for more
for me to lean into it
and press harder and faster
this is it
the last or second last
lap
the corner is approaching and i
don't want to miss you
runaway, corrs
but most importantly, i don't want to miss
myself
when i still have a chance
you're a distance runner
who landed on my track
expecting me to be faster than this
i'm tired
**********************************************

fist to desk, stand up, swear, yell
mutter, light the cigarette
cup the moon
capture me with the fishnet
**************************************

a ship is on my left with a large port on my right
before me a panoramic view
birds to the shore
mountains behind, a smokestack rising
water before me
pouring water from the sink faucet
looking out over the counter
for the keyring
coffee in the pitcher with splenda painted black
*************************************************

the tree is center, zooming in
a hole in the trunk
where the mockingbird sings
for the catcher in the rye
give her your compass on a chain
the locket
she will wear it into battle
mercedes den
car doors lifted up as shields
a little salt in her pocket
corn in her hair
silk streaming from the corner in the closet
roundhouse the dominoes
blow on the cards
pour something sweet into the bitter soul
******************************************************
title: landlord & tenant


my treehouse is yours said pooh to the piglet
at the corner dime store in 1953
if you can make it up the ladder
if you can fit into the room
it is yours
my treehouse is yours said pooh to the piglet
at the corner dime store in 2003
if you can make it up the ladder
if you can fit into the room
it is yours
you were a little bit too fat in 1953
and socially awkward in 2003
but you buttered your own fat ass
and sweetened your own cup of tea
and he called for a contractor
paid a pretty penny to make room for you
big is beautiful, he agrees
success is a matter of opinion, he says
never been happier, that man
to sleep with you under the stairs
while they were building the house
my mantle is yours said pooh to the owl
if you will lighten up
and gain a little weight too
you're so serious
my mantle is yours said pooh to the owl
if you grow boobs or hair to hide them
if you run at me like a wild, wild beast
and lose the glasses
owl considered the proposition and
flew the nest
he paid a pretty penny to fly her back
a pretty penny i tell you
my treehouse is yours, said pooh to tigger
if you quit jumping around and settle down
stop that goddamn grinning for godsake
my treehouse is yours, said pooh to tigger
if you'd like to sober up, and learn to like the dark
if you'd watch just a little more t.v. with me
and stop singing so much
tigger tuggered at the tempting tought
and sprang for a new kareoke machine
went in for the olympics long jump
and bounced around with chumps in comedy shows
he paid a pretty penny to get in shape
to keep up with her--exhausting, exhilirating
cat and mouse game
my treehouse is yours, said pooh to kanga and roo
if junior is sent to school and you try something new
lose the apron and high heeled shoes
i look like a short, fat, old married man next to you
my treehouse is yours, said pooh to kanga and roo
if you'll give me a scooby snack for introducing you
a stable married life and saving you from the
bastardom and singlemom syndrome
kanga and roo didn't make a move
that pooh got kicked to the couch and then to the door
with one look and a two-word left hook--"fuck you"
he paid a pretty penny to find a new place
it wasn't until 2 ex-wives and 15 years later that she gave him
a second chance, and she wore high heels to bed
every night, just to remind him of his incredible good fortune
my treehouse is yours said pooh to rabbit
if you'll lose this scowl and party with me
botox is not surgery and i'll pay the cost
my treehouse is yours said pooh to rabbit
if you'll do something about those ears
and get rid of our budget plan, because you're holding me down
from all the fun i want to have
rabbit pretended to faint and feigned a terminal illness
when it really wasn't quite that bad
bitched and moaned even louder and drove him out
everyone thought he'd left her when she was sick
he paid a pretty penny to the lawyer
when he discovered her duplicity was as bad as his abuse
she DID have a playful side, he realized
five hundred thousand dollars later
and it was his fault for marrying a rabbit and having to pay
child support on at least the 4 kids that were his
was it better to live with her? he thought...or at the office?
my treehouse is yours said pooh to eeyore
if you go on meds and get rid of your blue
if you'll hurry up and think about getting a college degree
you're like the pokey puppy and i married a donkey, not a dog
my treehouse is yours said pooh to eeyore
if you'll decide what you're going to do about that tail
and stop being so lazy
eeyore knew pooh wasn't using his bear-brain at that moment
he insulted the tail, and compared her to a dog
she sang the blues at a local lounge
became a town sensation and
he paid a pretty penny to see her show
buy her cds, and pay for the shrink to help him figure out
why he felt so sade sad, so "king-of-sorrows"
my treehouse is yours said pooh
but the treehouse wasn't his to give
it was christopher robin's
and mr. robin made a pretty penny charging all of them rent
penalties for breaking the lease agreements
he owned all of the treehouses in that hundred acre wood
*************************************************************

i will pull orange marigolds from their roots
to mix with red zinnias from the store
the ones with a yellow center
break off part of a golden-chain tree branch for
pale green filigree, and a dormant lilac branch for a shadow green
small floating blossoms of pixie wildflowers
saw the ends off with a knife
place them in water, and set them on a landing against
a blue sky--take out my oils and linseed and brushes
lick the ends for a stray hair, and pull the color from the grave
a medicine bottle of thick glass, a dark tube of aluminum
lying still in a cluttered shoebox where they are stuck together
flatmates in a red, white, and blue converse shoe star box
given to me by a face i cannot remember
my paintbox, and i have a toolbox too, with my other things:
erasers, pencils, charcoal, q-tips, blades of steel for scraping
markers, crayons, pastels, and pencil sharpeners
last time we used anything, i pulled colored pencils out for my son
who was one and who drew some incredible things
at such a young age, his scribbles small designs i taped
to one large wall in the kitchen, at least 30 drawings
and some paintings too, which i marked with dates
he liked to point to them and wanted me to lift him up so
he could admire his work and hear my praise and touch the paper
we discussed these things, as the sun was rising, and after a
mexican dinner. i never painted with my oils because i didn't want
him to be around the fumes, but my son and i will paint
together, very soon
we will dance to the music i play at an easel, and he already
has his own easel. we will discuss our work and look through
the books when we are free to indulge in art again,
we will walk through the galleries
and i will laugh at those who have so very little to content
themselves with, who will still be angry that a boy
is dancing in the kitchen with his mother, to merchant's "wonder"
my flowers will be on the table and by our bedside, as before
we will live in another country and dig up the luck which lays in store

***********************************************************************

what you have allowed is beyond disgrace
to think i would stay
and allow credit where it's long past due
you have such a debt to pay to me and one baby boy
which cannot and will not ever be repaid
you owe more than stocks and bonds and damages
this system cannot be changed
but escaped, and to continue saying, on national t.v.
that we are the best, the greatest, number 1, is
pride before a fall
obama will win but mccain gave the best inspiring speech
at last debate, one which almost makes an
american proud to live here
and give him a chance when you will never
allow a republican in at this time
even if it's only for the face
of change
no longer part of the spectacle, i'll watch from another
sideline, and follow, or, maybe, i will simply forget
what it is to be an american
i hope so. i hope my son and i will move past the ptsd
of u.s. intelligence and mafia threatening and warning me
and my baby
and providing
ZERO
protection
slandering me, and targeting me while turning the other
cheek to religious hypocrisy and crime
i am split now. schitzophrenic. i no longer identify with
"american"
and being
"number one"
you forget, too much, about everyone who is NOT
"number one"
leaving your own at the bottom and in the middle
and all over the world, but praising the ruling class and the
government which is already a communist-capitalist-plutocracy
com-it-al-cracy
cut in half, from my national sense of pride and identity
i am ready to cross seas
change borders, and fly on out
you used my son as barter
and you will never keep him as your slave
you owe us a debt
you cannot afford to ever pay
but i know how it is to be a prisoner, my son will resent
you for your crime
my country warned me
warned me
warned me
spoke of death
said they "needed me"
and left us as we were dying
while they knew all along it was going to happen and did
NOTHING to intercede

i pray the prisoners within those walls,
the black men you took from their children and families
and the poor white, and the drug users, and the latinos
break down your walls
break out and save themselves
they are hostage as much as i am
generations of knowing what the system and government has done
to keep them down
just turning the wheel of the machine

fie! on you. my schitzophrenia calls and cries
on this soil, only to be sanctioned as
whole and "sound"
on other ground
your terrorist, who only fought for the so-called
justice for all
due process
will be another country's freedom fighter
my son will be a blessing in other hands
and they will say to you, when we cannot be reached,
you were a curse
you are responsible for the suffering of my son
you will take responsibility
*******************************************************

these judges, paid in cocaine and drugs,
sniffing along the cracks for the leaks
will be caught in their nosebleeds
with their hands on the asses of little boys
with their gun dealing in the parishes
hit lists over church coffee
these judges, sanctioned by the government
and blessed with silence
will hang by the same grace
they gave to the uncorrupted
but they will stand in the gallows
last thing they will see is
the innocent they raped
with a doctor on the cross to the left
and a penitent man on the right
jesus already came down from the cross
to make room
for one more sinner
you
under the rainbow
promise of my last flood of tears
you will have your choice of public flogging
i've already my whip,
the gallows, or, if you wish to be a knight,
take your place on the cross
as jesus stands by me
to witness
the shawshank redemption
if you kill me what will you have left to hate?
you have already wondered, for 10 years,
who was "helping" me
it was the same christ you disgrace
taking his name in vain
for your posterity and politics
"no man comes to the Father but by me"
mary is not a "neck" or a conduit
it is time for you to stop hiding
behind your own curtains and mediators
jesus isn't some kind of rambo commander
urging all to shoot rayguns on behalf of
the blessed mary, his mother
where the hell did you get your seminary
is it the same place you got your money
or the same place you learned how to practice
your own
version of "the law"
american justice chained by the book to the altar
where only a priest is fit to interpret to his liking
ordering indulgences
on behalf of the state
demanding those who practice to also pay
taking the law out of the jury
putting it into the hands
of your self-made king, hoping to hear
tu eres mi rey
when your voice is heard in the courts, and also,
when you make sure it is heard
on the streets
buying votes from any religion that will accept a bribe
hold your gun underneath your shirt
hide your hands behind your back
strike from behind and from above
write your record when no one is looking
lose the record which is true
you have never been able to fight
face to face
hand to hand
you fight like all the women do,
who chose to fight in groups
mawkish vultures hiding their necks in the flesh
taking over the corpse after their men
have made the kill
cowards
men and women without moral courage
without a compass, without god, without christ, without mary,
with lust and vanity as their crowns
blood as their liquor
cowards
unable to come forward and take credit
never willing to fight on their own merit
because they knew they were outnumbered
and were losing to my angels
despite the attempt to tell others the angels were demons
you were never able to
do what i do
the way i have done it,
saying it, shouting it from the rooftops,
OUT LOUD
honestly
only cowards and the jealous, this enormous group,
would think it is funny to harm a child
your character is written all over your faces
imprinted in your court orders
documented on audiotape
discovered through your mail
if i am your glory and crowning achievement,
it took a long time, didn't it?
how many people and how many years
how much money? even if it was fun
you proved to everyone that
you're cowards
kill me and make me a martyr
people know too much already
it's starting to add up
your time is up
you touch me or my son and your days of peaceful
non-interference from police will be over
somebody will hunt you down
and you know it
you should have left something for me
to bargain with
but you left me with nothing to lose
your greatest mistake
sloppiness in your lust and greed