"You Are Not Alone"

I scheduled an appointment with my attorney. I have a lot of concerns that need to be addressed.

Then I had someone else asking me if I had this other lawyer, just asking me today, and the weird thing is, it's the lawyer for my family.

This is what's strange.

I was just thinking, just last night, it dawned on me, something that my family's lawyer said to me. He said he couldn't represent me in my custody matter. I know he's a very good attorney so i said, "What if we're all working together on this?" but he still was saying no. He said maybe if my own family wanted this.

So just last night, I thought, "What does this say about the Bairds and Avilas?" I mean, if the "family" lawyer doesn't want to help me, then it would SEEM, to me, that HE, as their lawyer, believes THEY are at odds with ME.

Hmmm.

So this is strange, is it not? that my own family's attorney thinks there is a "conflict of interests" with his representing me? Or is he just personally not interested in helping me, for his OWN personal reasons, and trying to put this off onto my family?

The other thing that concerns me, is how the state worker, just today, tried to use my own family against me, saying she had used the words of my own Aunt against me.

So either I have a lawyer and a lot of state workers who are totally just using my family for their own interests and to try to back THEMSELVES up, or my own family, my mother's side at least, is not truly supportive of my getting my son back, as they have claimed to be.

My mother's family's attorney is Kyle Flick. Kyle was really impressed with me when he heard me singnig at my cousin's wedding, sort of awe-struck I remember, but hasn't been interested in helping me since, at ALL. In fact, when I had a problem with my uncle, he took my uncle's side and even told me I couldn't speak to him because it was a conflict of interest. Now, he is still claiming he can't help me with my son, because he has claimed, it is a conflict of interest. Kyle is a good lawyer, but he didn't want to help unless HE believed MY OWN FAMILY was totally supportive of me and working WITH me to get my son back. Kyle expressed, then and there, serious doubts that my OWN family was actually trying to help ME reuinte with my son and said, instead, "I think your aunt and uncle are doing a pretty good job right now."

I spoke with this Latina today, whom I won't name at all, but she said it was very clear that the Avila's wanted my son. She said Pablo and Nessie especially. They don't want me to have him.

I believe my aunt though, when she has said she does want me to have my son. I do believe her, because she's already raised her own family. On the other hand, it was Pablo yelling at HER to let my own son continue to talk to his mother, when he was first saying "mama" over and over and she hung up on HIM.

Sure, I would work with The Baird's lawyer, Mr. Flick, if he wants to help. I would actually CHOOSE Kyle Flick over the others because if he's willing to help and my famly is working with me, and shows their sincerity, I think this would be best.

But I don't know what to think.

It's not that anyone in my family believes my son is better off with someone else. They all agree I am an excellent mother and that Oliver needs me and wants to be with me. I think it's more that I have insulted them in the past and they are reluctant to offer support at this time, unless I'm going along with whatever they want and demand, and honestly, I don't even have any idea of what that might be.

Even though I don't feel my family has been very loyal to me, I have been loyal to them on more than one occasion and continued to try to believe the best.

I know that my mother and father have written a statement of support for my getting my son back. My mother is best friends with my aunt, so what my mother thinks or wants will have some weight on what kinds of things are argued to the court.

I DO know, without a doubt, that state workers have really tried to USE my family for their own justification, and have tried to pit one family member against the other.

I almost had my son taken from my at his BIRTH, because the hospital workers and state then thought I had no support because I hadn't called anyone in yet, to visit, as my son and I were recovering. As soon as they said I had "post-pardum" when I didn't, and started threatening to take my son away from me and forced me to talk to a social worker, I called everynoe I knew and they all showed up and suddenly, it was the same people who were trying to take my son away, right then and there, who were backing down and making apologies.

Apologies for what?

For thinking I was alone and could be bullied, when I actually wasn't alone?

My father has said one thing to me, lately, which I hope will prove true when it comes down to it. He has said:

"You are not alone."

SO, this is what I will then stand on when I go to my lawyer or work with any attorney, to get the lies exposed and the truth, that my son needs to be with his own mother, out into the open.

I will support from whoever wants to offer that support. Whether someone is related to me or not, I will take support for this case, in getting this turned around. That said, I am going to document my visits with my son until I had the order removed that prevents an accurate recording of our visits to be made, by using audio tape.

I will also write down a couple of the threats I've received from state workers, which have been more recent, if needed.

I really feel it's in everyone's best interests, to allow a normal process to occur, and to start encouraging those who work for the state, to act in the best interests of a child and not their own best interests. Not only that, I would also hope that they are encouraged to start increasing hours of visitation.

I know I've been fooled before, into believing some who didn't care at all, were actually helping me. I haven't known who to trust. But one thing I know, is that there are good people, checking up on the bad people, and I feel sure about this. That some are out there, looking into things and working to fix this. I think there are people from many different sides and angles of the equation, who know what's up and want to fix this, so I try to trust in this.

But if anyone thinks I am alone, and that someone is just going to take my son when it appears I am vulnerable, they are mistaken.

(As for post-pardum, I never had it. They tried to say I was an alcholic and had post-pardum because I was upset about the way the birth went. I was neither an alcoholic nor did I have post-pardum. It was the happiest day of my life and I cherished my son. I didn't have depression, but I cried, from the extreme PAIN I suffered and seeing the injuries my son sustained when it could have been prevented by C-section. I don't need to go into that, but all the neighbors who have written statements agree I was not depressed at all, just upset and in pain)

You never know who might pop up to show support. Sometimes it's not even just those you expect, but others too. You just never know, when it comes down to it.