Image Of Young Blond Man In Wheelchair

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY. I wanted to hear Susan Boyle today. It was just listed under youtube and I clicked on it. I had to brush away tears. I love this clip. So fantastic.

I started feeling a little bit better last night but half and half before I fell asleep and then this morning I woke up sad. Yesterday morning I woke up even so early, very strong, but this morning I felt slightly sad. Maybe because yesterday the sun was out and this morning it's overcast. Who knows. But it's passing and I'm getting on with my day.

I had a fleeting image, last night, right before I fell asleep. It came to me with zero provocation. It was a young man with blond hair in a wheelchair. He was putting his hands to his face, in a cupped manner. He was in a hospital I think, being wheeled down a hall. I saw this clearly and it was totally random and I had not seen even one thing prior to stir my subconscious. It wasn't subconscious, it was something else.

I couldn't see the face but he was going down some kind of hall in a facility of some sort and he was in a wheelchair and just about to cup his face with his hands when the image was then just gone.

I tried to get it back. I even prayed that God would show me more, but that's all I saw. As usual, I couldn't see a face.

He was between 20-35 years old. I couldn't tell age but knew he was a younger man. Younger sort of man without a really heavy or extremely stocky build. But I couldn't pick up on anything else or a location or anything. I think I felt a heaviness or sadness associated but mainly, it happened so fast, I couldn't separate my own drab mood from what I saw so fast. It was a snapshot thing. The cupping was like it was cradling the head. But both hands together and raising up to the head, to face, and then the image was gone.

I don't know of anyone in a wheelchair or the hospital, not that I know of. I have no idea if someone is and I couldn't pick up on anything. But I felt horrible yesterday and then I saw this man in an image but the feeling and the image could be unrelated.

I don't know who it is, but I want that person to get better and make a full recovery from whatever it is and I think God does too, or I don't believe I would have had this insight unless it was to share with someone, that God sees and cares.

I know this could fit about a zillion people, but I think there's a reason I saw this. It was at about 1:00 a.m. PST.or a little after.

I don't know if I was seeing something that had happened shortly before, or was real time, or was a premonition, but I have felt most of the images aren't really premonitions but insights to things that have or are happening. But I don't know.

If someone thinks it fits someone they know, I really have no idea if I'd know if it was a match or not, but I'd be interested in hearing about it.

My first impression was that something was wrong with the legs but then I wondered if they were simply sick, and then I wondered if there was a sadness too, in the cupping of the hands, of despair. But I don't know if it was that, or feeling ill and about to cup the face. But that's everything. And I know it is something real, that means something to someone out there. I just don't know who. My very first impression was maybe legs were blown off. Then I questioned this in that same instant and thought someone was just sick. I didn't see anything about a situation or location so I couldn't say.

And no, it wasn't a hallucination. I didn't see something that actually appeared real. It is like having a dream before you're asleep.

It is actually, I discovered recently, very common in people who have some psychic insights. They see something happening right before sleep and government experiments in both US and Russia and other countries, have researched and observed this and have actually conducted research while trying to stimulate this mode of consciousness. They believe it's when you're relaxed, then information flows more easily.

I choose to believe some of this is intuition and then that other times, it is really just a gift from God, to let people know there is a higher power that is real. But I believe both in science and in faith and sometimes I don't know when one thing is one thing and something is another. But I DO pray to God to let me be able to use what I see for good, and for the glory of God and none other.

I feel God's grace is on this man and that others should rally around, protect, and encourage him. I don't know who it is so I don't believe they're more special than anyone else, but for some reason, I saw this.

What I wonder, is if I should just not try to inuit more on my own. Like, just write out what image there is but not try to figure it out unless I really know for sure. Because I don't know. I think the hair was a little longer and not super short. Like, not a crew cut. But I couldn't really see everything very clear. I just saw blond hair and the wheelchair and the cupping of the hands to go to the head and cover the face. He wanted to hold his head in his hands or cover his face or was feeling sick.

Oh, perspective. It was a view where I was someone seeing, or I was seeing, straight down the hall. The young man was in a wheelchair coming towards me as I walked torwards him. I didn't see who was pushing it along. Everything around seemed to be very clean. It wasn't an aerial view, it was more face to face but I didn't see the young man noticing me at all. I saw him like I was invisible or it was a snapshot frame. We didn't make eye contact in this snapshot.

I don't care if a few or even several think it's nuts, I feel it's more important to relay this information for whatever reason. It wasn't a hallucination and it wasn't from my subconcious, that much I know. I would like to meet this person though, or I wish I knew who it was.
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I also had a conversation with my Ex last night which went well and I we agreed we cannot be married. We'll continue to talk though. And, he does want me to have full custody of my son in the same way that I want him to have everything he desires in life and to have his daughter.
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"American Baby" came on in the cafe and I then replayed on youtube. I haven't listened to Dave Mathrews forever.
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If there is anything I can do, to help others, I just want to know what it is.
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"Crash Into Me" by Dave Mathews. I like this video and song. When I hear it, I want to dance around with my arms up.
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I have a very strong positive vibe and feel a good energy right now. I will have to see what time it is right now. It's about 11:30 a.m. PST. I keep playing the Dave Mathews song "Crash Into Me". I'd forgotten about this song until now. I always see fluid dancing when I hear this. It's so earthy and sensual yet it takes on a higher plane, in a spiritual sense. It has a spiritual quality to it. I feel sort of relieved--the sad vibe has lifted. Hmmm, a half hour later I feel sadness again. It's going to be an on-off day again maybe. Don't ask me why.
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Hahah! I heard Cake in the cafe and then I was looking for that old clip that I love, of people in L.A. and I found one from NY which is also cracking me up. Miss Understood. hahah. And when the woman whips her arm around and says, "You know I used to fence?" hahaaa.
I like this clip of Dave Mathews too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqEOvEoCV3w, a live version. But I really like the video so much. It reminds me of Frida Kahlo's work or style, sort of that mystical-surrealism, and I love the man in the boat plucking strings, the skeleton goat behind the tree, the geishas racing and tumbling over, the color of the brass on the sax, the women falling about in dance, and the sweep of the skirt in the last frame, where it looks like a giant delicate rose petal fanning out. I wonder what kind of material that skirt is made of? I like it. I like how it photographs or comes across on film. I just keep listening to this song, it's one of the addictive ones.
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I called to see how my son was doing and he had been playing with my aunt and uncle I guess for a little while but was watching a movie when I called. I asked which one and they said "The Hobbit". I said to make sure he didn't see any violent parts or anyone dying. They said they tried. I also said, politely, and sincerely, I was calling not to find something out and criticize, but because I'd just like to know more about what my son is doing and what his interests are. It was a good conversation, no problems or anything, with pablo.
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I would like to meet this person whose image I saw. I am supportive but I wish I knew for sure who it is. I sort of thought I knew. I sort of did. I thought...But I don't have any info.

I wrote my ex and told him I would like to talk with him and help him figure out his own situation, as a friend. I can't marry though. I have to think about my son at all times and I don't want to be married if only to possibly be separated because of someone else or other circumstances. He understands. I don't want my son to get attached to someone and then be separated. I do want my son back from the Avila's and I'm not satisfied that my son is happy or fine there. He is okay, and I think they want him, but I know what Oliver wants and that even if I'm poor, I am his best provider. There is nothing like mother's intuition. You get to know your own son and want to do everything for him. If I can't get work but prove I've tried, it's not a reason to keep a child from a parent. The only barrier is that if I am a "risk" and I'm not. Being a provider doesn't mean you cannot be on TANF until you're in a better situation, or unemployment. Being a provider means having housing and food, and then able to care for a few other things and seeing to the child's emotional and physical well being.

I suppose I'll go through some of my legal stuff today but I'm just goofing off for now, or I might go through and start showing my Dad how many times I looked for work, so he knows.

And I have to bring my Uncle and Grandma in with me because they know this area well. I've been writing to my Aunt M. and she's so much fun to keep in touch with. She has a lot of wisdom and these little philosophical and spiritual sayings and quotations that she uses.

Next week I have two focuses: housing again, and this time I'm going to ask the agency to really help me out, and then I'm going to line up all my stuff for college to make sure I get some financial aid coming in ASAP. There's unemployment but then I should have college financial aid. I just have to follow through.
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I sort of feel the sadness vibe again or like something isn't right at this moment. I felt better earlier. Now it's 2:26 p.m. PST. I've had some great conversations with others so far, and I'm not down at all, but it's an energy thing that's changed. It sounds weird, but I've been right in the past about it, and found out later. So I will wait and find out later what's going on. I think I'll shut up. Because if I don't know what I'm talking about, why the hell am I writing that I don't know what the hell I'm talking about? Maybe if I just have an image or a really distinct vibe I should write about it. I guess I'll look up world current events today.

hahah. Another waste management truck. lol. Everytime I see waste management passing by now, I start to laugh, thinking about my dream where I'm asking the heirs of Buckingham what they do with their waste and if they use public sanitation or 'landfills' on the property. haahaaa! What a crazy dream that was.

It's 3:00 p.m. PST and I feel better again! I felt better after talking to Holly too, and having her say she'd try to fill me in more, about my son.
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I am still listening to "Crash Into Me". I would like to paint to this song I think. With the music up really loud. And just paint, on a medium sized canvas, on a sturdy easle, with oils, with windows and natural light to my back, on a gloomy day. Then maybe switch it up with a bright spotlight when it's too dark to use natural light. I could imagine writing to this song, but more, painting. The first time I took up painting, it was to Natalie Merchant. To this song, right now, I would choose a purple, red, white, a little yellow, and green. 2/3 purple, pink, red, orange and green, 1/3 yellow and white. Black for hues in the greens. Or maybe a larger negative space for white. A full quarter of the painting would be white I think. The upper right corner. Maybe larger than medium canvas, so a large brush up to down could be made.

Another one with green and cobalt blue and black. More horizontal lines than vertical.

But maybe it's because now I can hear "In My Place" by Coldplay and it feels more horizontal than vertical. I think music and painting are a great mix. Sometimes I like to paint from an actual idea, but more often, I like to paint from what I feel in the music.

--To paint colors when writing and write poems into a painting. Or music into a painting and to paint colors throught music. Dance too.

I feel very good energy, just thinking about it. I want to paint!

I've smoked a little bit more recently, but it's only to ward off my next impending migraine which will be due fairly soon (I think). Not very much at all, not enough to be addicted again, just to ward off next migraine, maybe. I want to see if I can stay out of the ER if I try to alter the bloodflow and brain stuff before I'm due.

There is this one part of "crash into me" where he says "crassshhhh" into me now...and then there is this very light sort of bells or windcharms tinkling and then fading and it absolutely creates that idea of a large wave coming in and then as the tide goes back out, the sand is sparkling. It sounds like sparkling sand...the way sand glistening with water would sound if it had a sound. You can almost see the sand and this very light white diamond-glistening as the wave recedes back at this particular point. No, not bells, they're chimes I guess. I feel more vertical lines in this song than horizontal ones, but there is that push and pull and ebb and flow throughout the song. I guess the combination of vertical and horizontal creates a space for the dancing that is swirling back and forth and also the falling over and the arms raised. There is one part where the arms do raise all the way to the sky, and then there is also this frame where the female dancer is coming from the left corner and dancing with one arm out and one folded to her breast, as if she is dancing with an imaginary partner. I think the dancing in this one is spot-on. The movement is perfect, even to the editing. There is so much movement in this song, even though it's constant and doesn't change, it's sort of a meditative song. I think this is why I imagine I could paint to it. Some songs you can play over and over.

Now "counterpoint" has come to mind. I need to look that up and see what it means. Hmmm. I still don't really know. I think I'd have to hear examples and then hear the explanations for it and then remember. I guess I was sort of talking about a kind of counterpoint in the way the dance is choreographed or something but I don't know if there is any actual, techical "counterpoint" in the song. The word just came to my mind. I looked it up on wiki and there are so many different definitions, I don't know how to describe what I might want to say. Might be something fun to learn about sometime though. I think I'd like to know more about "counterpoint".
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Keep listening to "Maybe" by Ingrid Michaelson now. Good catchy pop song.

I keep thinking, if I can't break into this town, maybe I will take help from out of the area, so I'm thinking about all of my options. If I need help from people I know in other states, I'm considering this. Going to talk to my parents a little bit and to family and a few others. I might need to figure out what will give me a little peace of mind in getting a handle on the situation here. Talking to people about correspondence work too. If I could get into that, it would be perfect. Something I could do from here independently. Talking to people. Until I get my financial aid, I have to step some things up.

I have to start filling up the court record with alot of docs too. File, file, file, like mad, so there is stuff there for appeal or for civil case if needed later. It needs to be in the record. So all my corrections to visitation notes, and EVERYTHING is going in. I can file whatever I need to file, that I haven't filed yet.