On Queen Elizabeth & Vibe

Today I woke up feeling great, very calm and strong ebb of energy, but later in the day or early evening, it went sad. Felt pretty good until about 3 P.M. today and then it changed a little. Not terrible like before though. Still, I detect some of it as emanating from plans to just try to screw me over here.

Last night, I and my housemate woke at 2 minutes to 3 A.M. by an electrical disturbance or something that caused one. I don't know why HE would wake up though. He was in the other room where it was dark and I was in a separate room where the lights and computer were still on. At that moment he and I both woke up, the computer light got brighter for a minute or something and then it shut off. I looked up at the time and it was 2 minutes to 3 A.M. It was odd that he woke up, because he wouldn't have even noticed the change in electricity or computer stuff.

I had my dream later, after this. I don't feel the woman in the dream, which was me, was maybe me. I think it was someone else. At any rate, I "was" this person, in my dream. I want to describe the surroundings better. I thought, after waking, it was something infused with Princess Di since I know she liked polka dots at some point, but I don't know. I actually think it may have been someone else. But, this was a dream that I felt wasn't meaningful but embodied different parts of time and reality. Some of it was me and some of it wasn't.

It was me going into the Post Pub, until I walked in the door and then, although some of the old people were there, a lot of strangers were there. They were all lined up against the wall in folding chairs, and the room was circular or in a semi-circle at least. Bright light, and well lit. I walked from the entrance, which was to the right, through the line, moving to the left as I shook hands.

Then I got to this disabled woman who was an artist. She had a pencil, and sketched out, with the pencil between her third middle finger and thumb, this amazing design, very quick work. It was a design, like a symbol or something, but it wasn't a picture of anything real. It was a design, in pure form. I think maybe she was missing a finger but it may have been her other fingers were gnarled and just didn't work. So then, the design which I had thought was on paper, was suddenly on a ribbon, which was being tied around a horse tail on a figurine. But it wasn't a china figurine, it was like a plastic type of toy horse. The horse was a medium sable color with a slightly lighter, honey tail. I forget what that combination is called. It wasn't an Arabian. The head wasn't that fine boned. It was about the size of a football but of course not filled out like a football, but the basic circumference was football sized, or smaller. Okay, about two hands large or smaller. So a little smaller. I haven't seen a horse toy like this at anytime recently. But I thanked the woman for giving it to me and said, "My son will love this." She asked how old he was and I said, "3 years old."

Then, I moved past to shake other hands and hug, and then there were two young tall men who arrived and I hugged them both at the same time, almost knocking their heads together, one in each arm, around the neck, and then they called in more men and they were about to hoist me above their heads and sing "Jolly Good Fellow".

I woke and told my housemate, "I think I need to read about Diana less." I told him, "You see, my subconscious already knows she was a fan of polka dot, even if I don't know what kind, and then I have this dream where I'm shaking hands in polka dot...and I think it's a mixture of Di and my life." I told him I hadn't even read very much about her, but as I progressed, the small things were what freaked me out most. I keep finding very strange, small, similarities and that's what opens my eyes. Like, I told him, when I read her most used or favored medication was Valium. I thought, "How weird. That's the only one I'd go for, and only on rare occasion." I mean, I don't know that everything I read is true, but I read this about Valium and thought, of all things. And it's small, but there are so many things, and maybe others already knew, but I'm just finding out more.

I told him already I dropped my idea of "investigating" her "case". I think of her as a mentor now, and feel an emotional connection, but I am now aware of the dangers. I know why others don't want to do it either. It's best left alone.

However, I feel this uncanny emotional chord when I sometimes read something or see a photo. I get tears in my eyes. The first time I looked at photos of her and Charles with their kids, I had to keep from crying. There were a couple in particular which tugged at my heart. Then, just tonight, I wonder what the hell is wrong with me, and if I'm sensing or have an odd empathy, because I almost started to cry when I read the back of the movie, "The Queen" with Helen Mirren. Why? At that moment, I actually felt something for the Queen, I thought.

I was in the aisle where all the psychic books are, trying to find something on "parallelism" but there was nothing. I ran into a man and his wife who are very psychic and interested and I'm so happy we exchanged info. But he was saying it sounded like what I was feeling, was "empathy". Out of the blue, his wife asked me if I'd seen the movie "The Queen" with Helen Mirren. I've not seen it. I haven't seen hardly any movies about English things actually. This is one I did want to see, a year ago but then forgot about it. So we got it tonight. I went to the aisle and read the back and teared up. I feel, yes, like a nut. But something feels sincere and I'm really not the stalking-fan-type. In a way, I don't know...

A LOT of these royals have died in mysterious accidents. Maybe I'm feeling new empathy for this. That possibly, jealousy is that powerful of a motivator, to actually kill. Di was an activist, so I think that's where it went wrong, but I just heard, just recently, that Grace died in an auto accident and then, of all things, this morning, I had the phrase "George" come to mind. I then thought "King George". I have never known anything about a King George.

I dont' know. Everything in my life is ironic and so upside down at the same time. I am relating, in empathy, to any family who seems to have more than its share of members "killed off" or "die under mysterious accidents". I don't care what family. And no, I'm not a total WASP. I'm proud of my Native Am. ancestry and I love the fact that my son is half Mexican and I celebrate and love that culture, and the culture of Latin America. I understand, especially, the way the Italians and Latins raise kids, in general...actually, I think Asians are a little more along my lines of parenting too, and I like learning more.

But for whatever reason, I am on such a strange trajectory.

I said, "Lets get a bottle of wine." We got Shiraz. To go with spaghetti. And I am also thinking about another family of, probably, true thoroughbreds, and wish them well because something is difficult right now. I don't know what, but best of luck to us all.

There are haters out there!

How can I be "one of you" in Wenatchee? I try so hard. I try so hard, but I need my independence too, and only want my son. I am sure it's hard to imagine a single mother like me should be safe and I know there is hatred and grudges, but this is what my son wants, and it won't profit anyone, in your heart, to try to take him from me. Perhaps there is an incentive, but it will not feed your soul. It will only bring misery to intentionally thwart a young boy's desires.

Anyway! I will let you know what I think about the movie when we've finished! I don't know anything about Elizabeth, EXCEPT, the part I've read and loved, is the "rude" comment she made, to which her mother replied, "And we will see to it that she learns how to be..." I can't remember exactly but it was very cute and showed the intelligence and spirit of Elizabeth so young.