Wenatchee Threatens Me To Join A Gang Or Lose My Son

I have had several individuals within my own family and within state offices, threaten me and warn me that if I do not join a gang, and choose a "side", A or B, that I will have my son taken from me.

I have discovered most of the people in the town follow dictates of a gang that uses the number "3".

This is going on, all the way through to top.

The visitation monitor, Sue Just, told me to pick a side and that if I didn't, I was going to lose my son and that it was "in your son's best interests" if I did.

I have other state workers doing the same thing. Telling me if I don't join, or maybe it's too late, because I DIDN'T join one, that I could say good-bye to my son and that I might want to go into nursing because that's what my son would need when they were through with him--a nurse.

I also have people who were trying to pressure me to marry my ex, or, they said, they would make sure that if HE didn't get his papers and get to have HIS daughter come to the U.S., that I had people who were going to be sure I never got MY son.

Former FBI employee Rick Baken is in the same gang that my mother's family is in. I just found this out a few months ago. Everyone in that area, is part of the same group, whatever group that is.

As for my Dad's side, I don't know which one they're in, but I was instructed to let people know I'm "legit" when I don't know what the hell any of this is all about.

After seeing the lies and behavior of state workers, I can see why people are IN gangs in this area, because it's pointless to try to get work, housing, or even your own kid back, without getting smeared, if you don't go along.

I have stated I am not part of any gang or group and I wish to remain independent and free to be fair and treat everyone equally.

I have received threats by some police and others and do not feel my son is safe at all times, nor do I believe I am.

I believe someone from outside of this town needs to independently investigate what is going on at the court level and what kind of bribes are being taken to screw me over.

It also makes sense that because so many people are involved in gang activity here, that it was from this source that my son and I were originally harmed.

Now, most recently, I've been told I endanger myself and others and offer no protection to my son at all if I'm not in on it. And "in on it" means, if I don't choose a "side" or a team to belong to.

It seems like all the same thing basically, but my idea is that one team is "blue" and the other one is "red" and they work together but then they work against eachother at the same time.

There is nothing illegal with being in a gang. I have never made any accusations to that effect. I haven't witnessed illegal activity and nothing to send anyone to jail. However, the threats and intimidation that I have been receiving at the state level, and the way my son is being used as a pawn, is illegal and wrong.

I have absolutely no way to prove any of this because Judge Hotchkiss made sure I was blocked from audio recording anything in the visits with my son. I told him an audio recording just keeps the record straight, and if I had "issues" with parenting, surely the STATE would want this documentation.

But instead, these Wenatchee workers have said they do NOT want recordings. So that makes one wonder who is telling the truth? The mother who says there should be audio recording? or the state workers who want to ban it so they can assure their employee that she is safe to lie?

I am told to "trust in God" and this is supposed to mean, which is news to me, that it is someone besides the True and Living God and that it is some kind of Godfather.

The problem is, these state workers at the Wenatchee, and probably Washington state level, are corrupt, and they will do anything they can, for their "team".

If I don't join, and I didn't, and they gave me plenty of time to, then they want me to be mentally ill and medicated with something that turns me into a vegetable.

I have been so afraid, from the kind of pressure I've received, I have been made to believe I will be killed, and my son harmed further, if I don't keep everything secret.

And yet, how is my son safe and how do I EVER get out from under this, if everything is always kept a secret?

My son and I need solid and strong help, and we need people of courage who are willing to help us on a legal level, to protect us on a practical level, and to start taking a hard look at the courts over here and start asking exactly WHY the mother is being railroaded, prevented from having legal assistance for over a year, and then screwed over every time she tries to take on a Wenatchee lawyer. Someone needs to find out WHY I am being BLOCKED from documenting exactly what the content of my visits with my son are like.

The state has gotten away with lying a LOT, in this case.

I told Judge Hotchkiss that I need to be allowed to audio record visits to keep an objective record of what I'm really like and what is happening and it is blocked?

Why. Unless everything I have just now written is true, and perhaps, Judge Hotchkiss is also in a gang himself.

Because I now know part of my problems ARE stemming from powerful gang activity, it makes full sense that this is how people got away with harming me and my son to begin with, and why I had other theft and vandalism problems, and even largescale problems with threats and intimidation, and yes, someone trying to poison me over in Seattle as others were telling me they hoped "you get the 'job'".

The public cannot trust the state workers here, because they're largely corrupt. So they turn, out of necessity, to gangs. What that means fully, I don't know. But they are very professional people who are involved and they get others to do their dirty work for them and then put them in jail but get them off on something.

If you play your "cards" right over here, you will have housing, work, and no problems with your family. But if you don't, someone with power or authority on a legal or social system level, will make sure you are punished or forced into it.

Other people actually CARE and they are only in a gang or group, because some other larger group is doing very serious damage to others.

There are not many people to trust here.

As for my family, for 35 years, I never had a clue. And no one said a word. Even though, over here, even KIDS, little kids, know about stuff. I'm totally clueless and people have thought I've known about things all along.

When I first found out about my family, when I had thought it was all these people EXCEPT my family, I almost passed out. My head was reeling, and I thought, "I don't even know what the world is about anymore."

I yelled at them and said, "Don't you THINK this was IMPORTANT INFORMATION you could have shared with me???! Instead, I've gone around spouting off about this and that and never knew that if I offended ONE person I was offended a whole GANG. I have been in danger and my son has been in danger and you didn't think to TELL ME???"

But no, it is preferred that I be diagnosed as mentally ill.

After my eyes were opened, I thought back to when I and my son were having problems in East Wenatchee and I asked my Dad if there was ANYTHING he knew about, in the family history, that I should know about. I felt there was more to it, than just my upsetting a few people. My father, for the first time, halted and hesitated, and then decided to say nothing. But I saw the very slight hesitation.

All these horrible things were happening to me and my son and everyone here KNEW there was a valid reason for it, and they just wanted to cover it up. Then I found out this sort of thing is not exclusive to THIS area. It's on the East Coast too. It's international I guess. It's everywhere.

So, in the Land of Liberty, I'd like to know when so many people decided to give up on "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." Home of the free and the brave?

Right. A mother is threatened by not just professionals, but her own family, and military types, but this is the land of the free? where people are supposedly celebrating "independence".

I would wager there are very, very, few truly "independent" individuals in this town.

After I found out about my mother's side, I was driven downtown by Grandpa, who made sure to drive the threat in further. He drove to a gas station and exchanged words with some younger guys who were dressed in gang gear. My grandfather and the guys laughed and waved off, and then my grandfather drove me to a church and had me first stare at 3 crosses. It was Calvary Crossroads or whatever that church is in East Wenatchee. THEN, my grandfather Baird drove me to a place where there was a bunch of machinery with the brand name "Ratseze" or something about Rats and just parked there, facing that lot. Granny, whom I love so much, and who is usually very sweet, before we left, told my grandfather, "You're going to TAKE HER DOWN?! Let me do it Dick. I'LL take her DOWN." And her tone indicated she meant "take me down" in another sense of the word. But no, grandpa did the honors, and took his own grand-daughter "down".

My own family.

For the love of God, my very own family has done this to me. Which is part of the reason they are not supporting me and want an excuse to say there's something wrong with me when they know there's not.

Rick Baken called my grandfather when it looked like I would be forced out onto the street, after different women in gangs had me kicked out of shelters, and when he called Grandpa, my Grandpa said to him, "No Rick, I'm out."

"I'm OUT?"

Out of what?

My mother must have known all along, because several years ago, when she and I got into it, she told me she could make sure I was frozen out of the whole town. So my mother at least, believes she has a lot of power with her family and with the town.

My father has admitted enough so that I know he WAS, at one time, involved in something.

People from top up to top down have threatened me, harassed me, and then tried to encourage me, to be in a gang.

Really, I can see the point. Truly I can. But like I said, the minute I say "okay" to either "A" or "B" is the minute I'm then doing what??? Getting my son back but under condition that I also pay dues of some sort?

The state players here are no different from anyone else. They're involved. Which is why it made it so difficult for me to get any kind of help unless I sometimes notched it up to the federal level in getting assistance for financial or social things. This whole area is tied down.

Tied down.

Which is why Pamp Meyers said it "took some doing to break into the Big 3".

I and my son HAVE experienced very serious and real harm, and there is no way we are going to be safe enough, or get out from under it, in this area. Which is what some already knew.

The only way I could have gotten my son back, was if someone with a lot of money, did some undercover "buying" under the table. Someone would have had to literally BUY my son back for me. Because as it is, too many people want my son and want me to suffer.

This town is dealing in a lot more than apples.

Do I know anything? No. Have I witnessed anything? No. Nothing except a LOT of threats and attempts to try to "help" me in ways which I don't want to be a part of.

I want liberty and justice for ALL. Not just for red and not just for blue. Not for the big 3 and not just for who has the most or least money. It should be fair and equality for all.

I do not believe this is possible, in this area. This particular town may be more strongly aligned than other areas because I don't know how some of these people get away with so much.

I am blocked out of a normal process, a normal course of justice, because most of those involved, have something to be gained, for either keeping me down or forcing me to join. Join what? I don't know.

But I only got a TINY bit from my family and maybe I just don't WANT to know more.

Should that prevent my son from being with me?

No.

My son is a pawn of players who affiliate with those who try to bribe, threaten, and intimidate others to do what they want. And most people would be too scared to dare say what I'm saying now.

SO WHAT if my family is in a gang. So What. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter and it's not illegal if MOST OF THE WHOLE TOWN is. That's FINE. There's nothing illegal for state or federal employees to also be part of some group, organization, or gang.

What is illegal, in my case, is that my rights and the rights of my son are being absolutely trashed.

What this AG did, with my own lawyer, is unbelievable. They knew exactly what my arguments were from the night before and adjusted their positions and requests accordingly.

I've asked for my son, but I'm not going to get him.

I'm not going to get my son back.

I've had people tell me this over and over, that I need to think about what I will do without my son because I'm up against people who are too powerful.

I'm not getting my son back.

And it is very possible, I might die young.

I am willing to write this, because if either my son or I manage to survive this, I want my son to know the truth one day. That his mother had absolutely NO CHANCE. And, that his mother chose integrity over joining into something she didn't know about and didn't want to know more about.

My own family has been intimidated and threatened, yes. But they are afraid, and it's clear, and yet as much as they are afraid, they want to get back at me in many ways too.

They also falsely think that the people involved in gangs with the state, are going to let THEM have my son. They will not. They are already setting this up to have my rights terminated, and then they will turn around and say the rest of my family isn't fit to have him.

After allowing my family to spank my son for over a year, and telling ME this IS ACCEPTABLE, they will suddenly turn around and say this is child abuse and that my son should not be adopted to anyone in my family.

But my family is too nearsighted to see this.

I have witnessed how this has been set up all along, and my family thinks they are at least going to keep my son, by not supporting me, or that the state workers will be on their side. They distance themselves from me as long as I do not join in, and lie as much as the state workers do.

They all want to say I'm paranoid.

I still remember, calling my parents and saying, in shock and awe, to my Mom, "Mom, Grandpa is in a GANG." Or maybe it was my Dad, I don't remember. My eyes were big as saucers and I was dumbfounded. What was the response? A half-laugh and the invalidating words, "Grandpa is NOT in a "gang"."

Really.

And that knife in his butt was reeeaaaally just because he just so-happened to sit on a knife sitting upright on his tractor seat? Grandpa went to the hospital with a knife in his butt and the whole family knows about all this gang activity in the area, and it gets written off as "Knife in butt from self-standing butcher knife".

The thing is, Grandpa KNOWS I was getting seriously screwed over by OTHERS and some other gang forever and it seemed he was trying to help for awhile. But I guess then no one wants to help, because someone at the top...who knows?

For all I know, someone in my family IS near the top.

How the HELL would I KNOW.

I can't disbelieve anything anymore.

It has been like living in my own horror movie or "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" where everything you ever believed in, in your whole life, is suddenly stripped away, like a curtain torn. I didn't know there was really such a thing as a Pandora's Box.

All this time, I was idly writing poems and images that someone probably thought I wrote from some kind of "family" knowledge when I've never known a frickin' THING, and all I wanted was to try to find a way to create peace among all those I offended, and get on with my life, and make sure I and my son were safe.

Basic things.

I have wanted simple things from my life. I realized too late, how I'd unconciously offended some serious group or groups and I had no way of knowing what I was getting into. I did not KNOW.

Now I do, and it feels like it's too late.

If I were a Judge, I would be fair. I would try my best to stay above pressures. But I don't even know what the world is about anymore.

Is it red and blue? Or US and UK? or Republicans and Dems? I had thought life was simple and that countries just had governments and I don't know who is running anything anymore. I don't know who is in power when the CIA regularly USES gangs or the mafia or others to do work for THEM. I don't know who is supposed to be "the good guys" and "the bad guys".

I don't know if it's like this in the NW AND the midwest AND the East Coast AND the Bible Belt.

I don't know a frickin' thing except that I have been SORRY for my end of things and just wanted a chance to have a normal reputation and life and my son and try to do good for a lot of people, from all kinds of different backgrounds.

And THAT, my friends, is the TRUTH, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

My mother sent me an email in the last year with this quote at the end:

"And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free."

Really.

Huh.

Could have fooled me.

And when she wrote this, I was sure someone in my family was CIA.

Someone in my family may still be CIA, or was at one point.

I know someone or some group has killed off a lot of Howard-Garretts. Why, I don't know. I would not be suprised, anymore, to discover someone, even that Ed Howard, is connected to my family. I have no idea. There has been more than one occasion where one thing is covered to look like something else.

I know for a fact, that my son and I should not be punished for any of it.

I believe my problems have stemmed from a variety of things. I know my family wasn't out there trying to harm me, at least not initially. I know some other group was.

Later, how do I know? I know that, at the very least, SOME people in my family and most people in this town, have been fully aware of what kinds of things go down. And yet, I've been derided as "paranoid" when instead, I should have been believed and protected.

Who is going to protect my family, the family that I love more than I think they love me? Who is going to really protect my son?

I did. I did the best I could. And when possible, I tried to leave the whole area. But there are some things that are larger than me. There are some things which, it seems, many in the U.S. government even, have no interested in trying to help.

People just want me to be "nuts" and think that solves everything. I'm supposed to have an epiphany, on medication for psychotropic drugs or any kind of drug which, if I take it, must then "mean" that I "need" it. And if suddenly I don't act differently, like, I don't know...

How am I supposed to be different?

...And if I don't act differently, than I never see my son. Meanwhile, I have some people in Seattle telling me "You don't even want to know" what has been really happening to me or who is involved. No one has ever wanted to tell me one single thing, but a lot of people have appeared to know exactly what's going on. But no one wants to tell me.

When did I first sort of find out? Less than a month ago. Maybe a month ago. Wait, more like 2 months probably. For one entire week, I walked in a daze. I wondered where God was in all of this. I wondered if Obama was with the 'blue' gang because for all I know, the Democrats are actually the "blue" team. How the hell am I supposed to know??? My entire concept of reality was shaken. And yet I felt I couldn't write about it, when there are people all over the world who write books and articles and no harm ever comes to them. Somehow, I got into a huge mess and I couldn't make heads or tails of it.

I watched people on national t.v., looking for signs of "affiliation". I looked at Prince William and Prince Harry's photo of the two of them in military uniform together and noted one of them had a blue pen in his pocket and the other one had a red pen in his pocket. Why? Show of unity? We support blue AND red? In a way, it's hilarious, and then, if I'm the last one in on the whole world-game, I'm at a 35year disadvantage when it seems a lot of others were clueing in a long time ago. So then I wonder, "How long has this been going ON?" Did I just one day notice everything? Has it gotten bigger? Or was it always there, and I was totally frickin' oblivious?

Meanwhile, I have people thinking I'm in on something, or ordering things to happen, or that I somehow know. When most people knew I didn't have a frickin' clue and just walked around, sticking my finger into this and that and never once, EVER, imagining anyone in their right mind would want to hurt me.

Why would anyone HURT me and my SON? Yeah, I pissed some people off, but there are a LOT of people who sue people for a frickin' LIVING and they don't have problems. There are people who investigate stuff and write about SERIOUS shit, and they don't seem to have problems. But I became a major target.

I started questioning everything in my whole life. Maybe this is normal and I never knew, I started thinking. Yeah, I thought, maybe this de rigeour (however that's spelled) and everyone accepts it as a fact of life, but I'm out of the loop.

I had someone else tell me, "You got 'inter-netted'." I have so many people saying so many different things to me, and I'm sure some of it is to throw me off track in some way. Which is fine. I don't feel I need to know.

What I do know, is that people who are government workers, CPS or otherwise, should not be using their affiliation to other groups to abuse me or my son, or to do favors for ANYONE.

The purpose of CPS is straight up. It is to be in the best interests of the child, period. Not to lie and twist things and abuse their authority, but to act honestly in the best interests of a child and in my case, should have never separated us to begin with. With all the stalling and odd maneuvers in my case, it is only the work of some people who are either being bought off or really want me to be discredited with some kind of illness.

Which is strange when everyone in the whole town knows I'm not nuts and everyone on the East Coast knows. The only people who don't know what to think are maybe the people who have never met me in real life and talked to me.

When I first found out, I sang the song, "losing my religion", thinking about all the people I've met lately, who do not even believe in a real God, and just go to church and don't even believe what they're singing about or preaching about. People in churches of all kinds who are involved. Any race. Any church. Any nationality.

But we are "free"?

If I'm paranoid, I'm starting to wonder who, hmmm, yes who exactly, gets locked up? Who goes to prison for doing nothing but the wrong thing to the wrong person, even if no crime was committed? Who goes to the mental instituations? Of course, most of them are a little nutty. But I wonder, anymore, at others, who get nailed for doing nothing more than stepping into puddles being inquisitive.

Who do I go to? When Rick Baken is laughing when he says I could try going to the Chelan County sheriff's department? When Michelle Erickson is mocking me over the same thing, telling me to "go to police--hahaa, look at how much they've HELPED you and your son."

When most of the people here are involved in something, and they hate me for not knowing what it is or also being part of it.

Which part of the "truth" is supposed to set someone, or a whole bunch of innocent people, "free". WHICH FUCKING PART?

Princess Diana got killed, assassinated, and no one will ever be caught. Because now I understand. There are things or groups which are very powerful and cannot ever be held accountable. Her sons know this. They live with the knowledge that their mother was killed intentionally and things do not add up right, and yet they know they are in as much danger if they even TRY. Was it the UK "state" or the "mob" or are they sometimes one and the same? Do intelligence groups from different countries go in together when necessary? Diana was figuring out some of the things I'm realizing. But maybe she knew more than I do.

And no, you do not have to do a "hit". Why? Because I actually know about a lot LESS than some have thought, I guess, that I did. I am not a "threat" to "international security." I am only a threat to those who keep trying to say I'm mentally ill when I'm not.

I keep listening to "A Dustland Fairytale", by The Killers. Now "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" by Eva Cassidy.

After I got a very small glimpse of what was going on, or what the "truth" was, my entire life flashed before my eyes. Every little sign and symbol, every small thing, in a new light suddenly.

I have to say all of this, before I'm hauled away next. Before my case goes any farther down the road to Hell. Before one more false claim that I have committed CRIME or that I'm a misdemeanor type of person goes unchecked. Before I have yet one more threat for "knowing something" when I know nothing except that I've been blind.

If I see any further evidence of suffering in my son, I am going to make sure someone from another state gets involved. I have written down plenty of things which, if I die, would come out and if I don't, won't be known. But anyone who messes with my son, even if I am not personally in a gang, may be at the end of retribution with someone who IS in a gang. Because if no one in the U.S. is or was willing to help us, someone else will. And God BLESS the people who REALLY look out for my son, no matter who they are or what group they are from.

If I support anyone, it is those who truly have tried to protect my son and who are still willing to try to protect him. I support THIS group. I don't know who that is anymore. But what happened to my son and has happened, is a crime against innocence.

The same thing Diana got killed for. Trying to defend the innocent--even those who were not her own. I am thankful to those who defend and fight for the innocent.

Someone will look out for my son, against the odds. But I am probably the only one with balls enough who will speak up and say something about it if I notice something going on. Why? Because I am his mother, and

I am willing to risk my own life in order to save his.

If my son is only saved by my joining a gang, I do not believe any longer, that this is a safe world to live in. I wonder if gangs are not safer than some groups that just claim to be "government". I don't know how to separate the freedom fighters from the "terrorists" anymore. I just know that those who do whatever it takes to protect my son, have my blessing and are good in my eyes and in the eyes of God, because God defends the innocent. True religion is, as the saying goes, to feed the poor, defend the innocent, and keep an eye on the widower. This is true religion, whichever version one subscribes to, I believe God honors those who honor and love his children, no matter whose children they are. NO MATTER whose children. I wonder though, anymore, if some group is just going around terrorizing and killing and maiming little kids, without care, if perhaps this kind of group should know true justice and should know eye for an eye. If some group is so sick that they don't think about or care about hurting kids, what would ever get through to that group unless someone did the same thing to them?

I want to think like Ghandi. But I have a hard time knowing when you fight the battle and when you lay down arms. When is war justified? Peace should be sought after, for all people, at all times, but when is war justified? If you have total tyrants on the loose, they should just be allowed to get away with everything? I don't know, even, WHO the tyrants have been, to my son, but some people DO know, and I pray to God this night, that peace will be found, and if not, if not a lasting and permanent peace for this LIFE, for my son's entire life, that anyone responsible for continuing the harm to my son, whether it's physical or emotional, will be held accountable. Dear God, hear my prayer. Jesus, hear my prayer. Lord, hear my prayer. As it is done in Heaven, let it be done on Earth.

I have a very heavy and very bad vibe tonight. At first, it was strong, even though I was writing all of this, and now, it's that something is wrong and needs to be fixed.

My Thanksgiving is one of thanks to Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior and to the God who is Lord of All. My thanks are for my beautiful son who brightens the lives of so many, with his smile and kind words or funny antics. My thanks are for the opportunities I've had in my life to do good things for others, even when the deeds are small. My thanks are for angels and silent supporters who stand by me, even though I do not always know how or why or where. My thanks are for those who have given my son reprieve when there has been reprieve and who thought about someone besides themselves.

I feel, that my job tonight is to bless the Lord and to give thanks. In all things, to give thanks--in all circumstances and situations, to give thanks. And to do some of that publicly, whether or not others agree with me, that there is a God or Jesus or anything at all. I know for sure that there is a higher power.

My prayer is that those who continue doing evil, will find happiness in their own lives, and peace, and that if they do not quit the evil, they are held accountable. That those who put politics and money ahead of the needs of small children, will know no peace until they put those same children first. I pray for forgiveness for those whom God might know, I would have little strength remaining to forgive, if I ever knew. I pray for forgiveness for myself, for the things I've done wrong and the mistakes I continue to make, whether I understand my mistakes or not. I pray for prosperity for the United States once again and for other countries as well, and that out of a new abundance, we may be more generous than before, and that in our poverty we do not become miserly. I pray for wisdom for those in control of this country, to know what will help people the most, and for kindness rather than frustration, to inspire people when they feel they are at their lowest, financially or otherwise. I pray for prosperity for myself, financially. For doors to open. For the wrong doors to remain closed to me, and for new doors to open. I pray for my own generosity to always be challenged and that I will always do my best to meet that challenge. That I will not give up, even when most might. That I will have good things in my life, against the odds. That my son will see me more and have the desires of his heart fulfilled. That those who hate me will lose heart to hate me any longer, and might still be angry, but will not be able to hate any longer. That I will hold my ground when integrity calls for me to hold my ground, and that I will concede when I need to concede. That any and all powers of Hell will not stand. That I will not be falsely accused of things I've not done or of being something I am not, or mentally ill when I am not. That even when falsely accused, I will try continually, to have grace and dignity. That God will continue to protect me and my son and will do so with greater strength and that I find favor with God all the days of my life. That I will learn when to keep my mouth shut and when to speak or write publicly. That I am able to encourage others and stay positive even when I should be falling apart. That I will trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not onto my own understanding, but acknowledge Him, and that He will make my path straight. For both Justice and for Peace. For healing for those who need healing. For God to receive the glory for things that God has done, and no other. And thanks to God for being my muscle. For me to keep things in balance and not get sidetracked by things which are unimportant. To let insults slide but also to demonstrate strength when this is required. For me to be more organized. For me to perservere, in all things, and with regard to my son, to think of him daily and meditate on him and pray for his needs, more than I do now. For my family and for those who have loved me and those who have hurt me and those who have done both. For clarity, power, and for the brain cells killed off by various means (liquor, whatever) to grow back! For me to love others' children or think of them as I do my own son, and to protect those who need my protection. For parents, to be better parents. To try to do what I feel is right even if it is difficult. To be willing to see things from anothers' perspective. To love those who others do not love and to reach out more. To take trials and abuse with some measure of humility, knowing my own worth at all times as I also acknowledge the worth each person has in the eyes of God. To not lose my spirit, but to learn how to temper it. To be forgiven. To be known as fallible and full of mistakes but willing to learn and grow from them. To be a willing eyesore if it is the turn for someone else to shine. To be blessed. To be a blessing to others. Sealed. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

A song I used to listen to all the time when I was little and have listened to tonight: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IAz9artoBw

To be given grace as I fall on my face time and time again and yet still get up to take on the whole world. Another so-be-it. That God will fight my battles ahead of me even if I do not know how and when they will ever be won. That I keep a firm head on what the priorities are in this life.

Mmm, and that's it for now. No, there's more. That the power of God will not be ignored or denied, by me or anyone else. That I will be able to take on whatever it is that I am to take on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EfFVnP6DO0

"No Weapon" by Fred Hammond. Back to my roots. Oh, it got cut off. Well, here's another version. I love this song and we used to sing it in church at New Song in Portland, Oregon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEBrZ6ivW2s&NR=1

I guess, if people want to know how I manage to get through everything, my foundation in God is it. I don't always keep this first in my mind, but at my core, this is what sustains me and KEEPS me from falling apart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZV9wsRmROA&NR=1 Kirk Franklin "Blessing In The Storm". I listen to this and think I need to go to church in S. Africa or something.
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Yesterday, I watched the BBC and I think I saw the same "bouquets" of dusty rose flowers I saw barely, in an image, the day before. Not saying where, but I saw them and knew, or felt, that might be it. It was totally random because I do not watch the BBC as a rule of thumb, or haven't in a long time.

At any rate, after praying, I feel much better.
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I will fill this post in with a few more details today or this afternoon. I need to clarify a couple of things too.