Sad Vibe & About My Son

Yesterday at some point, there was a good energy about. And in the last couple of days, but there has also been a more pervasive sadness which I felt last night and this morning. The day before as well.

There are things going on right now and that have been going on, which directly impact my and my son's lives.

My son has one wish: to be with his mother more.

The state (and others) have one wish: to see me diagnosed as mentally ill and ununable to care for my son.

The fact that the state has not increased visitation lends to this--that while they tell me to jump through hoops which are impossible to jump though, they have not ever changed course to try to reunite my son with me.

Instead, they have piled up written "evidence" which is nothing more than one person's word against mine and is a bunch of lies and then they want to use that against my own word.

I am committed to my own son, to go back and dispute everything, so HE has an accurate record, in the future, of what really happened.

From this point forward, everyone has a choice. This is not just determined by ME, by many, many, others.

I have someone from my family who went with me to court and then to talk to the state and he saw for himself how they have put me into a deliberate Catch-22.

For example, the worker said I had to have counseling. Okay, so there is NO place in town that offers free counseling but I'm "required" to have it. So then we find out, the only way to have the state pay for it, is if someone "ADMITS" or concedes that they are "too mentally ill to work".

Which is interesting, when the entire town blacklists me from work. I guess the idea is, that if no one will hire me, I must therefore be mentally ill. But the state is refusing to pay for counseling unless I qualify as being "disabled" mentally, which the entire world knows I'm NOT.

Oh there is more. I am ready to roll.

I'm going to my appointment with my son and since I don't have a lawyer and I have still been refused appointment of one, why should I do anything other than blog about exactly what steps and lies the state has made?

I am not going to document this in a "private diary" which someone can destroy after I've passed away. I'm going to put it where everyone in the world can read it and some can preserve the truth,

for the sake of my own son.

I love you Oliver.

You will someday know just how much and how much your mother was hated and persecuted.