photos of me (post haldol and nuthouse abuse and accuse)

Here I am, cheery as usual:

Nice birdcage in the background, eh? Bird is in or out of cage?

Maybe it's more like Oliver is in a cage. Thanks to the U.S.

I decided I'm not going to church today. Oh, and then I see this toddler that reminds me of my son go into church. I think I need a break for now though. I am traumatized. I just spent a whole week in the nuthouse and maybe church today would tip me over--I might never recover.

Baybee steps.

I guess I'm listening to Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah right now. I did read some scripture last night.

I told my parents I was going to church, this morning by email but I am not done blogging about what happened at this place.

I sort of feel someone is worried that I'm being made fun of, but probably not, after I get a little more serious and start making my UN complaint.

There is NO FUCKING way I am staying in the U>S.

And as for only wanting to be with a Protestant christian, if anyone in the future, let's just say the Catholics and Jews sort of fucked things up for me. Sorry, but I guess a superficial, self-protective kind of discrimination sets in after you've been assaulted, defamed, and hated by so many from a certain group. It doesn't really lead one "to the Lord", at least not to their Lord. As for Protestants, I can take em or leave em as well. There are so-called and the not-very-sincere.

And now someone is making my sentences all run together again and I have no spacing inbetween.

So, just so you know, it's not me doing this running sentences together.

For all I know, this was the point--to have me dislike others so I look or come across as badly as they do or have been to me.
It definitely works to exclude me from a lot of things.

So yes, I think that this is the point for some groups. Which isn't great. But if you look at the history and what has been done, right now, in this moment at least, what else would you expect any normal person to think?

And I know there are plenty of lousy Protestants. Some of them even work for the govt.

I do believe in church. I definitely do. But I stayed up all night to get in some blogging about what was done to me at this place, and how people were lying right and left.

I still have some writing to do, after I'm done rambling I guess.

There were no "evaluations" there either, for FYI.

I saw 1 doctor for 5-10 minutes, the next one for less than 5 minutes, and then the final one for about a half hour. The rest of the time we had to choose a room to sit in and there were 3 rooms. Two had t.v.s and one was a quiet room and that was it.

There were a couple of "groups" but it wasn't a big deal.

It is not as if I was there, undergoing 5 days worth of observation and evaluation. I had people watching me of course, but when any of these doctors pronounced I was this or that after a few minutes, I call that Bullshit.

And I still have someone messing around with my laptop. Just unbelievable.
I was pumped up with so much Haldol it was toxic and I had a toxic reaction. Then they were dosing me with Seroquel on top of everything else. And then some.

The only thing that was remotely useful was the Ativan so I could sleep a couple of nights.

I just need to go back to the post I was making, and follow it through, in order.

Which I will do, but right now I am venting.

If I try to go to Knoxville FBI, guess what awaits me there in Knoxville? Lakeside division of Middle Tennessee Mental Health Institute. Which is the nice thing about this MTMHI group...they cover every corner of TN.

Why in the world should I think Knoxville FBI would help if Nashville FBI went to the headquarters in Washington D.C. and they obviously condoned smearing me? Washington D.C. needs to come to terms with its deficiencies and take charge of encouraging my report and starting an internal investigation. Or maybe I really do have to go to the AG Eric Holder and Obama.

Today, I will write about my own spiritual observations.

Something I realized while at MTMHI, which is nothing new and is not probably even new to me, but which struck me in a different way...

"The birds of the air have nests and foxes have their dens, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."

Jesus was not just "homeless" at his birth. He said this about himself when he was an adult. Jesus was a Homeless Person.

I thought about this verse in an entirely new way. I am not sure how I thought of Jesus before. I guess I sort of pictured him with his own shared housing or kind of a flat to go to inbetween traveling. But no, he was completely homeless. Jesus.

He was born to homeless parents. And he grew up to be a homeless person. A great leader, king, and savior, but albeit, the burden of homelessness too.

I imagine that if CPS ever heard of a baby being laid "in a manger" they would declare the parents unfit to raise a children. Especially with unsanitary animals around besides. And probably, they would think it "not fitting or right" for a group of Magi (psychics and wizards in wizard hats) to be crowding around the manger either. Add to this fact, that Mary was probably a teen mother besides.

This is all the wrong stuff for a "right" formula. It's all wrong, right?
I can see CPS now. I can just IMAGINE their description of "the shack" Your Honor. "

Instead of writing about a "hamster cage outside with droppings in it" (because it had just been given to me and I had it outside until I could clean it and bring it into my house), CPS would be writing about "Manure".

Some real serious shit.

Judge Hotchkiss, and we want you to know that this so-called "virgin" Mary, is paranoid schitzophrenic and delusional and hallucinates. She claims angels visited her. Yeah, what do you think about THAT Hotchkiss? We, at CPS and "The State", as your dearly devoted local Pharisees and Hypocrites, believe it's bullshit and grounds for removal of this child. Clearly, Mary has mental health issues.

We therefore recommend putting Mary on a trial of anti-psychotic medications.

We also do not believe Mary and Joseph keep very good company and would harm the child by exposing him to the occult and unsavory, poor, welfare types. These "magi", Hotchkiss, are nothing more than magicians who would be exposing this child to the occult and anti-social behavior.

There is a history of mental illness in the family, Your Honor. Mary has a cousin named Elizabeth. We did a little background work on HER, and you'll never believe it. ELIZABETH claims to have ALSO been visited by an angel, and her husband too. As for her husband, he's mute and disabled and we would recommend looking into the removal of this other child who goes by the name "John". We believe it to be in the best interests of both Jesus and John to be removed from their families as soon as the papers can be ready and signed.

(In fact, I think someone in the film industry should make a movie along these lines. Of exactly what Jesus and John and their families would be up against, by today's standards. You want real? Make it fucking real. You want the "truth"? You claim to be christians and you also claim to be authorities who have good decision making skills and yet YOU are the ones who can't handle the truth. You want a wishy washy version of Christianity and cannot even apply your own faith to the reality of practice. You find yourselves to be superior to John the Baptist and Christ, in reality, in every single way.)

Jesus said the only way to tell the sheep from the wolves was by how they treated the "least of these", why? because they actually represented "the least of these".

Whatsoever you do unto the least of these, you have done unto me.

You have sort of a double whammy coming your way, because traditionally, "The least of these" includes Children and The Homeless (or poor) and also, the Unmarried and Widowed (single parent families).

You have been representing the very hypocrites that Christ warned us not to be like.

CPS and The State have discriminated against the very same groups that Christ specifically warned people to not discriminate against.

Being religious and spiritual, if accompanied by God's favor or any kind of special "gift" is also an excuse for CPS and The State to seize children.

With zero time for evaluation or observation.

The wolves win.

I guess even wolves should have the opportunity to think about what they've done and examine their consciences. If I were God, I would give them a chance to really think about what they've done and to reflect on how their decisions have affected not only the lives of others, and the "least of these", but their own salvation.

"Lord, Lord, when did we not give you a cup of water? when did we rob you of your own children?"

"TRULY, I say unto you, as you have done it unto the least of these, you have done unto me. Depart from me."

I just found a really cool remix of Tom's Diner by Suzanne Vega by youtube poster "djola77". I will post the link and then I thought of Keith Green next. He has something to say about wolves and sheep. Here is the link for the cool remix: www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhYydLLyfdA&feature=related.

It wasn't totally random that I ended up on it though. It followed Cohen's Hallelujah as a recommend or next in line.

Keith Green's commentary or song is called "The Sheep and The Goats" (goats/wolves, whatever--just a figure of speech).

It's from Matthew 25.

It made me laugh because I used to listen to this all the time when I was in my young 20s and my best friend couldn't STAND it. She didn't like his "style" (too dramatic). She was like, "yeah, it's a good message but I can't handle it" (this was Monica Allen, now Henderson, who I know would not mind my mentioning her for just this).

I'll post the link: from youtube poster markklingler:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Exr3GK_8KbU.

I like the fast piano part because it sort of mimics the kind of "dancing around the question" idea and trying to get around something.

Oh, I just listened to it but it gets cut off at the end! Believe it or NOT, there's mORE! Let me find another link with the whole thing.

It's very serious and true but I sort of started to giggle, imagining someone singing from the choir at Queen Elizabeth's church, this song. Could you imagine? I don't mean this as a point, because I think they try to demonstate to the least of these, but it makes me giggle thinking of this played in a formal Anglican church, an amusing idea because of the style. I found one from a "monum" from a live performance at Estes Park which is also good. I'm still trying to find the extended version. Oh I can't find it right away. I'll try looking for it later. And I'll try to finish what happened to me at that place but I guess I had to take a break because I haven't been able to go back, yet, to the part where I was on toxic levels with serious side effects and having to deal with this in front of others and a whole Vanderbilt (and other) medical research team.

I feel someone could cut through the bull, and restore to me what is mine: it's simple--my son. Why is this so difficult?

I have no parenting issues and if some group just sort of left me alone, everything would be fine and would fall into place. It's the best thing for everyone. And all it gives me is my son and probably some small job. That's it. I don't understand what is so complicated about that.