The song "rag doll" just came to mind. Because that's what I felt like, a rag doll, or a dish rag, after. No, actually, rejuvenated. However, some were a little concerned I think, wondering if I was going to pass out, because I wasn't eating either.
I had decided to sauna my brains out, and get rid of whatever bad things my body might have in it, and to fast too, because I read both sauna and fasting focus the body on repairing an injury and my knee was stiff, so I just drank a ton of water. Water all day and then I broke my fast around 4:30 with a little trail mix and then dinner a couple hours later.
I even incorporated blasts of very cold water the last 2 hours. Every 20 minutes or so, I went in for a cold shower. Which is totally crazy, but it is supposed to help with endurance, immunity, and fertility. Someone asked me, "Why are you taking the cold shower?" and I said, "It's good for male and female fertility."
Like I said, I don't know what exactly I'm prepping for, but it had better be worth it.
They would then sort of look at me and I was adding, "(cough) Yeah, I don't know why that matters really, but it must be good for something."
I did yoga earlier and then I ran 5 miles or so. I did 5 miles in 1 1/2 hrs a few days ago, and then I did 8 miles in 1 hr. 2 days ago and then about 5 yesterday at leisure but something was wrong with my shoes and it affected my knee so I took them off and ran on the treadmill in my socks and it felt so much better! I may just run in my socks from now on. On a treadmill it's great bc there's the cushioning already.
I have no idea why my cardiovascular seems so strong. I feel like if my joints were not in the way, I could run forever. I was hardly out of breath and didn't break a sweat until like 4th mile or so. I mainly listen to hip-hop-pop stuff or christian music while I run. No t.v. bc it's too distracting.
A few days ago I was running to music and in my imagination, it was like the world olympics came on. I was picturing all kinds of sports moves to the music. Gymnastics, discus, skiing jumps, diving twists and sommersaults, basketball, ice skating, sprinters, swimming...dance.
I feel like a small amount of halfway decent athletic ability returned or I remembered it in myself again. I think this is what helps me to know when something is not "right" in my body, if anything is ever wrong. I feel I've been conditioned for sports since I was young, so I've been more in tune with my body simply because of all the training I've had in the past. Not to be a sports star by any means, but very in tune. I got up on skiis and was doing black diamond runs by the end of the day (except for moguls) the first time I tried skiis (age 16) and got up on waterskiis first try (age 13) and got up on a windsurfing board first try (age 18 or 19), horseback riding (age 10?). I'm naturally built to be a decent (not the best, but okay) runner and was born naturally very flexible (not so much anymore).
I feel like something that really helped prepare me for the world was my Dad taking me out on a few runs here and there in sweltering heat in Moses Lake, and then having Jennifer (cross country star) invite me to join the team when I was 16 so they could do relays and have enough people for a team. The first day kicked my butt. I was so exhausted and my flabby thin thighs were steel within a couple of months (I convert fat and flab to muscle pretty fast). But this coach was so good, and I remember so much from track, swim team, and cross country training, that I feel I was lucky enough to pick up on signals from my body. When to work through it and when to stop and not push it. And these are extremely important things to know and it's also helped to translate to my mind and using the same psychology with other things, the mental things you tell yourself while you are pushing yourself to extremes and the internal monologue, the breathing techniques, and the visualization. Visualizing that next corner--seeing the whole run or focusing on seeing just the small pack in front of you and how you are first going to pass the one and then speed up past the other. Whether to think in future or present tense. You rarely think past tense while running. You might wonder what the person behind you is doing but you don't look back. You just run forward. You're not thinking on the marks you already crossed, when you run a race, that's behind you and you have to be focused on here and now and assessing your speed and capabilities and then what is ahead.
This intense training, to the point of pain, really has helped me throughout my life. I've also had enough experiences with pain to know what level of pain I am in and how to handle it. As in, is this lactic acid build up? or is this pain that signals "stop". And if I had never had good training, I wouldn't know that if you get sore and stiff the next day, you work out anyway. The instinctive thing is to stop and think you need to recover but this just puts the body into shock and it stiffens up more. You have to work out the stiffness by doing the very thing that you would think might make it worse. But you also have to know when the signal is pain and when working out would be sheer stupidity.
I did some kind of weird looking things while I was on the treadmill because I was figuring out how to manage some knee pain. I realize now that the whole solution was getting rid of the shoes. But I also did a few things while running to kick it out or release and it was working.
And then my newest thing is using the sauna (which I've always liked for pleasure) for pain and injury remedy. It's hard to stay in for so long, but worth it for the benefits (I think).
I have also been thinking, with all the yoga and kickboxing I've been taking, how intellectual some forms of exercise can be. It takes intelligence to design the order of movements. Sometimes, with yoga, when I feel one move canceling or adding to a different move, I think how smart the choreography is, and how in-tune with the body someone needs to be, to come up with that sequence.
And then I think better and it's just not a waste of time at all. So one of the best things I've done for the New Year, is get a gym membership.
I have gone to the sauna and/or steam room every single day.
Also, I've done fun stuff first and let this carry me into other things later. I hate doing abs although I need to and I'm weak. But when I do yoga and kickboxing, it works them out a little bit, and will help me to prepare for and survive doing more focused ab stuff. I was agreeing with someone else, about how it's best to find something you like and let this be what holds your interest and strengthens you to then add something in that less pleasant or more challenging later.
Music now...
I went from Sanctus to ending up on Elvis!
Some clip about a marriage ending in divorce in just 5 years. Hang on, I'll post it.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=VI94AsuvUUA&NR=1&feature=fvwp
I went from a sanctus in German, by Schubert: "Helig, Helig, Helig" (Jarfalla Manskor) from poster 'DunderHugo' to this one. I was curious about why Elvis popped up so I clicked on it.
My first song of the day, after church today, was to click on was "To God be the Glory", a choral version. Then I wanted a sanctus so I got Schubert "Deutsche Messe" (sanctus: English) by the poster "visitStPeters". The next one I clicked on was the Helig one, which then led to Elvis da King.
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I have no idea why, but I sense very good energy right now. 11:29 a.m.
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Anyway, I knew I was going to church this morning but I didn't know where. It was too cold to walk far even if I wanted to try one again and I thought I would like to take communion at the 1st service, which is smaller and more private, at 7 a.m. So I got there a little late, but had communion there. Today was celebrating the baptism of our lord which made me think of my son Oliver and the painting he loved of John the Baptist. It was really great because one of my yoga instructors gave me a ride there. I was going to say no thanks and then I looked at him and I said, "Wait a minute, aren't you the yoga teacher?" and said okay then. Then, everyone went forward in order and then there were not enough people in line for a new group at the altar, it was just me. I thought, "Oh no, I'm going to be taking communion in front of everyone all by myself. " Because they come by in a line to serve everyone, and first the wafer and then the wine. So I was standing there, just me and then I sort of looked behind me and this other man was there and when I went forward he did too. And I ended up on the part of the cushion that said "Peace" which later I thought "Is like my son Oliver!" and then later read the bulletin to see what I'd missed and there was a hymn for today which included a blessing of peace.
I wanted to sing though, because this morning I opened up the Bible to psalms and it was a psalm that said to sing aloud to God, make music and praise him and i thought, "I need to sing today". So regardless of whether it looked strange to go back or not, the first service has no music (I still like it) and the 2nd one has music. So I then went to the second one too, to sing and just didn't take communion for the 2nd one because I had already taken communion.
I sensed good energy until one point and then I looked up and sort of figured out why but I don't know if it bothered someone else and that's why the focus didn't seem to be as much on God anymore, but I still made a point to sing in my heart and out loud to God.
There was also a nice part which wasn't in the first service, and it was of baptisms of babies. There were 5 infants being baptised. So it was 5 families with5 infants.
The part where I felt things shift a little bit was where this woman was standing at the front holding a pitcher and looked like Kate Middleton and I thought it seemed so "game-y" and noticed some of the expressions and it wasn't me. I was fine, but some of the looks were a little weird. I just tried to direct my focus on God and not the idea of Kate symbolism with the 5 babies (one named William who was NOT happy and whom I felt sorry for as he was crying so much).
Then, this is a very weird thing. I closed my eyes and I was just praying and then I suddenly got this impression of someone I thought was Kate, saying "Oh my God," in a deep voice and then I realized (WHAT THE???) it was Camilla. I had an impression of Camilla! for some totally weird reason and I was not thinking of her. It was under her breath, some kind of shock, and an "Oh my God" and very serious.
I didn't know why I got this or what she was saying this about but I felt no bad will torwards me at all, just this, "Camilla, what's going on? WhAT. WHY are you saying oh my god." I wanted to be in on what it was and all I was getting was this.
It was very weird. I mean, super strange, to me. I feel Camilla has to know but it's probably one of those private or secret things God wants me to share with someone and they will know, and it's not for me to know, OR it's something for the future. But I really felt it was almost present-time. I am not positive.
It was about this time, though, that I sensed a sadness.
(someone erased a whole section of my post here)
I had written, after this, it wasn't a sadness about Camilla. It was more with the other games I sensed were being played out, which was taking the attention off of God and worship and putting it onto other things.
It was at this time that I decided to ask God about help and what to do and I pulled out my own Bible, which was in my bag, and I turned to psalms. The psalm was one about God being our help, not people. It was Psalm 146. God Is My Help.
I felt this was very right.
I then went to a cafe after church and had a bagel and wrote most of this post. Then someone was doing something with technology the whole time so I finally left. I passed the homeless paper people and talked with them and one of them offered me a paper so I bought one. Earlier today, I was offered one but I didn't want it and just gave him money instead. I didn't want to go to church with it when I had no room for it. So then I took the paper and didn't read it and
and went to a store and looked around at snacks but got nothing. I sort of just wanted to see who showed up. I didn't want anything anyway.
Someone just deleted most of my post again.
Not most, but what I just wrote...wait, they just put it single space instead of double space...
I got to a cafe with the paper and read it. The whole thing is about nuts so thank God I am fasting and wasn't eating nuts when I read it..
I guess that's where the "God Is My Help" comes in.
One of the articles is about will of God and our will and will this and that. I have a pen with me that I randomly grabbed the other day and later looked at and it says "Free Will Bible College".
I kept it, with the idea of Free Will in mind.
Free Will Baby!
I am at a library now so hopefully the spacing will correct.
No, it's not correcting so it's someone with access to my blog, not necessarily my computer.
I *think*
I read the article by P. William. I guess I should include Prince, but it sounds weird unless I'm just trying to distinguish which of the Williams I'm referring to. I thought it sounded good. It was written for a wide audience or level of readers, which he must have had in mind. I guess I'll read it again and comment more later maybe, but right now I have to go to the gym and sauna my eyes out.
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