I want to work out but physically I feel weak and really set back, I think, from meds and torture combo. Drained.
But I'm trying to take it easy and then get back into the flow. Wanted to check my email and then maybe check on my birth certificate and also possibly go to a museum today. I don't know if I'll make it, but thought about it.
Then! My mother shocked me again.
I got online and clicked on a different rendition of "My Deliverer" by DC Talk.
I next clicked on my email and there was an email from my mom with a link called:
"Talk puts spotlight on human traffiking."
It's coincidence but I went from actually thinking about DC talk and then thinking about how DC needs to "talk" and right after my thought on this, I got this email link from my mom about "talk" about human trafficking.
I'll put the links to both the other version of "My Deliverer" and the human trafficking link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u889kq9bDXA.
http://theworldlink.com/news/local/article_49b26b87-9ba6-52b5-8924-bd1140e2c8c0.html.
I clicked on this and the burning quit. Someone was doing something again and they stopped when I posted these thinks.
In the video, one of the Jewish men, I think it's supposed to be Jesus? is wearing this black cord wrapped around his middle finger and then going up his arm. I wonder what this symbolizes? I looked at it a few times.
It reminded me of the bracelet I used to wear that had been my mothers. I also wore it on my left hand and it had a ring around the middle finger and then filigree that extended just above the wrist and tied, but it was sort of Eastern Indian in design.
This version really helps me to hear the part about "I hear Moses singing, 'my deliverer is coming'" and makes me think of the painting I made of my son or unborn child in a basket by a river.
I think I found the symbolism of the black cord or string or whatever. It's leather and is called:
"tefillin"
I found it at http://www.myjewishlearning.com/practices/Ritual/Prayer/Ritual_Garb.shtml.
There is a photo of a man with this around his hand and forearm that looks like the one in the video and then it's on the wikipedia (which I went to) with more description. On wiki it's said it's worn as a reminder of when God brought the israelite slaves out of Egypt (or, on the site, it says children of Israel). On the other site, it talks about 4 passages of scripture that are worn as reminders of instructions on devotion and prayer.
Anyway, that was interesting. I like the video for the idea of how Jesus was really Jewish, or part of the customs, and so were his devotees and it was more of Him against legalists.
This article on human trafficking is great.
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I am eating well today. My fast is of words, not food. I think I might be able to kick the cold I was getting.
I had a vitamin C all natural juices drink, a protein--mocha drink, and greek strawberry yoghurt for breakfast. For lunch I had one of those Organic Amy's bean, rice, and cheddar burritos, with an avocado, an orange, and a Balance nutrition bar.
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One small comment on something kind of interesting.
I looked at the drawing on the wiki "teffilin" page and there is a clock in the back that says 12:45, which is right about the time I clicked on this page and was reading about teffilin.
dooo-doo-doo-doo
(doesn't sound right without the tune)
Now my words or sentences are getting smushed together again and I'm not responsible. I am refering to just this last section I wrote.
I know because I came to the cafe at about 5 minutes after 12 noon. I ate, and then clicked on the video My Deliverer, then my mom's email and within a few minutes I was blogging and then going to different pages about teffilin or "jewish tradition, black cord around hand" and the wiki page was after a few other pages and it had to have been right about 12:45. Which is kind of weird.
I'm not schitzophrenic either, I just happen to notice things some might not notice. I am not making grand parallels, just noting, that's all.
I was first on a kaballah site but clicked through bc it was all about red stuff and nothing black so then I was on the page I posted a link to, where there is a photo of the man's hands over the book. I noticed this man must be left-handed because he was wearing the cord on his right hand, and I read the custom is to have it on the hand opposite to the one you use most. Then the next page I clicked on was the wiki one about teffilin.
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I have to say, I have a good opinion about Ron Wyden for sponsoring this bill against child human trafficking. I don't know anything about him but this sounds very necessary and might be overlooked still. It seems like there is an awareness because I hear more and more about it, but it's sort of like no one fully wants to admit it maybe.
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I'm looking up niacin now bc I was talking with a nurse about it and I still feel a little dopey. I don't know if the drugs are out of my system or if I'm just drained from being tortured.
But I'm tired. I can't do even yoga. Which is NOT my usual self. I only went to the sauna for about 30-40 minutes total. My heart hasn't done anything crazy or overtime, like last time, but I still didn't feel "well" when I got out. I felt fine until the nurse came in and then my headache just pounded. But she had some interesting things to say. She said niacin cuts cholesterol levels and I brought up Vitamin C and we talked about integrative health (combining natural remedies and putting this as a 1st emphasis and then other medications 2nd).
She asked if I knew what silia was and I said "hairs?" and then she said something about niacin and then I guessed it was the B6 vitamin but I'm wrong. It looks like it's the B3 one. I am thinking about taking it just to flush my system out.
But I don't know.
The other sort of strange thing is that I may have had more symptoms of arsenic or rat poisoning. I don't know if I want to flush it out if I am being tested but that backfired in a MAJOR way.
The symptoms I've had are of random very sharp shooting pains in my feet. Which, according to wiki and articles about arsenic, are symptoms that come up later, like a few weeks down. So maybe this isn't what's going on but it might be. The white lines on my thumbs have moved up to about the middle of my nailbed so it's growing out fast.
I was admitted to the nuthouse on the sole idea that it was "paranoid" and "psychotic" for me to think I could have been poisoned.
To me, this is ridiculous.
People DO get poisoned. It is not as though I've had zero problems in the past. I have a huge log of things that have happened to me, many things which have witnesses to confirm facts.
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I just looked up niacin. Maybe I won't take it for now. I think Vitamin C would be safer unless I discover niacin is an antidote to antipyschotic crap meds.
I DID have a good idea with the nurse because I told her it was strange my cholesterol went UP after I became a vegetarian. I would have thought it would be low. So I said, "maybe it's because I'm not eating meat and meat has the niacin." She then said, "No, that's B12" but then I checked and niacin IS found in meat. It's also found in other food items. One is avocado and I ate a whole avocado today.
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I am not sure why there is such a fuss over whether I was poisoned or not.
Bringing this up in the ER should NOT be enough for admitting someone to a psych ward either.
Yet it seems, if I dare to even blog about this, people start filing through who are more harassing in nature, and try to cause problems. I also then have more of the technology problems which would probably link those responsible for this kind of thing to other things, like poisonings. Otherwise, it wouldn't pick up, as if I am being punished for mentioning white lines in my nails and other symptoms of toxicity.
The nurse asked how high my cholesterol had been and I said "I think it was 320". The other thing that stood out to me but which wasn't "abnormal" on my CBC report, was lower white cell count. My red was fine but the white, while in normal range, was on the low side.
Bad vibes now, ever since I had a 3rd cup of coffee and looked up Vitamin B3. Weirdos trooping through. And then I was given 3 lemon hummus wraps. I am probably stupid but I ate one.
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I had one thought cross my mind today which I feel might be significant and also might confirm something my mother brought up.
About curses.
I had the idea today that there was someone telling another person or group about some people who had deliberately "cursed" me or tried to perform something to engage a curse. And this person was talking to some others about undoing it. He said, "They cursed her." He was white and he was seriously having a kind of meeting or informing someone or some group about what was going on with me. It was in a kind of professional environment. I mean, the feeling was that those he addressed and was talking with, something was sort of not "gutterish" about it. It was more like a serious matter and what was going to be done about it.
I thought to myself, "I think God and my belief in Christ can take care of it (and holy spirit)" but maybe there was more to it. I mean, maybe it was a matter of this person informing others abut some of the crap that has been leveraged against me.
People are talking.
I guess I want to listen to Bonnie Rait now, "Let's Give 'Em Something To Talk About"
At any rate, it was earlier today that I had this impression and I wasn't trying to think of it. I feel I know the person or man who was addressing others but don't want to assume anything. I only know he was white.
And then this confirms something my mother said to me, or sent me a month ago or so, information about curses and breaking them. I thought it was a little extreme but I think there is something to the idea now, that some group has deliberately set traps or attempted to lay a curse of some kind. I don't feel it's just one person but some kind of group actually did a collective "job". Or at least tried to and carried out the steps for it. I also knew that it wasn't some clip from a movie or some other thing...the matter was directly in regard to me. But I guess I couldn't say whether it was happening in real time, past, or is for the future. I just had the impression and feel it's right and it fits what I got from my mother awhile ago too.
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The only way they would let me out of the nuthouse was if I said I no longer believed I had ever been poisoned.
To me, it felt like "dissident torture and conditioning". Like a cop out for other people.
I am thankful someone fell over me last night while I was in bed bc at least it helped me to introduce more discovery.
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I also have wondered...if someone is very good at predictions, or psychic stuff, couldn't they at some point deliberately give false predictions to try to direct someone of political importance?
It would be the Machivellian Psychic, lying only when necessary and telling the truth most of the time to gain credibility.
I surrendered my idea of being in control all the time, and not having my thoughts or actions read. I finally said to God, if you allow it, there is nothing I can do. Nothing I can do but just try to do what I think is the right thing at the right time. And hope that if there is a sound prediction about me, hope that it is good and believe in the best.
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I am looking up arsenic again and it says that in cases of acute poisoning, there is a metallic taste. Dizziness, headache, and bloody diarrhea. I was given a cigarette in Seattle that had a metallic taste. I never made the connection that the poison could have been arsenic but I also then became dizzy, blurred vision, and had these symptoms. I was given the cigarette after I'd already been to the hospital for poisoning when I was bleeding, and after I had been disregarded as "psychotic" which I was not. So maybe someone figured that since I had been labled "psychotic" they could then give me a cig with arsenic and no one would do anything except for to hopefully have me admitted to a Washington nuthouse. Which would have been more convenient at that time.
I never thought about the cigarette having had arsenic until today. I knew there was a metallic taste and I had symptoms later but just thought, "poison or tampered with".
I have had doctors and nurses ask me "So who do you think would be doing this to you?" but I don't feel this is the right question for a medical professional to ask. I have never bothered to say who I think it is, to them. They are not law enforcement and they do not possess investigative capabilities. What I expect from medical professionals, is evaluation of a medical problem, not CSI. It is also not the prerogative of the medical community to decide whether or not it is "possible" or true or false, absent a test or diagnostics. I feel the treatment with regard to this, has been completely unprofessional and obstructive.
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