Pulling it Together in 2 Days & Racism Check

I rallied together my resources and since I had been working more than making social networks while here, I had to basically start from scratch, in the last 2 days.

In the last two days, in less than 48 hours, I pulled together a new living situation, a new job starting Sunday, and transportation and food stuff to cover me. I will have to go to an appointment for medication for my back if I'm going to work, but I had to pull these others things together first. I also connected with the guy who wants to give me a free laptop and he still wants to do this and said he may have it ready by Monday or sooner.

I definitely had some hits and misses, and I don't trust everything to just work out perfectly so I'm getting a back-up plan together. But I did it all, sans any kind of demeaning or unethical or "immoral" methods. Immoral to me would mean exchanging any kind of sexual favor, for anything, and I've not done this. I have made myself very clear on that front, and been lucky enough to meet gentlemen who are at least still gentlemen for now.

I realize sometimes you trust someone you shouldn't, and I've done this. But this time, I'm giving trust carte blanche, as I did, naively assuming someone is "good" because they've been good to me for one month or two months or whatever. There are some good people out there, in unlikely places, and I hope to meet them. I have given my long term trust to people who have been complete con artists and "bad" from beginning to end, and I actually gave them credit because I thought if someone seemed good for a week, they were always good. This was so wrong.

I have assumed people are like me--giving, and honest. Honesty, especially, is something that is difficult to find in D.C. I love the interesting people I've met, but a LOT of them are not honest and are here for themselves and that's about it.

For my part, I tipped the housekeeper and gave a man money when he asked for it, even though it was a small amount, some have done the same for me and it is my pleasure to give when I can. I didn't think twice about it, and I told them not to thank me and it was alright because I understood and people had done the same for me.

I have noticed some things picking up, since I said I was trying to get evidence, mail, and some other things to hold people accountable. It has come to the point where I realize I have to file lawsuits. I cannot depend on people who are not respecting basic rights to change or follow through.

I actually noticed people, in D.C. today, who obviously knew who I was and were basic stalkers--men and women. I had people following me in their cars, and getting up close when I was in a car with someone, and some people knew I was meeting someone downtown today.

One man and little girl I recognized from all the way in Hyattsville, where I'd noticed the blond little girl at a Starbucks. She was at a museum today, same guy watching her. Didn't get a bad feeling from him at all. Also, a few others were sitting close and quiet while I had a conversation, but didn't get a bad feeling from them either. There were a few that stood out though, who deliberately rolled their eyes and smirked, quite a few in fact, but I thought how pitiful it looked. I seriously wonder if these people, who make faces to, I guess, see if there is a reaction from me, have ever tried or considered anti-depressants to cure their sadism. Like the literature says, it's not a mental illness--it's a plain moral flaw. I actually think most of the harassment I get is from those who are not jealous of me for anything I have or the way I look or anything except for my confidence. Somehow, they feel bad about themselves to think they're morally inferior in some way, or judgmental, and then get a kick out of hoping to see me struggle.

It's sort of interesting.

But also, I've been meeting some very nice people, who are normal and secure with themselves, who don't need to waste time worrying about or harassing others, who have more on their plate and better things to do.

Luckily too, I had many, many, positive interactions with people who were black, because while I was not prejudiced beFORE, it is difficult to wonder what the hell is going on when there are so many problems with PGH and the people I lived with, I seriously started looking at black people differently where I had NOT before. I mean, I was starting to wonder if there's this hidden prejudice and stuff in most, and I was wondering why they weren't very good at medical care...because here I was, in a majority black hospital, and crazy things are happening. But then, although I had some problems at George Washington, it was with white women mainly, not black, and hit's black majority and they are VERY professional. So I saw the standard and that no matter what color or race or nationality you are, there are serious GROUPS of good ones and bad ones. Period. And then I got into D.C. and the best people there are black. Seriously. And professional and everyone at least SEEMS to be mixing well. So I felt a lot better after my bad experiences, to have my faith restored a little bit.

I was wondering where the racicism was coming from and almost started to group people together wrongly, but then was faced with the fact that everybody is different and you cannot judge a whole group by a small minority. I don't know, it may seem indiscreet, because it's something no one wants to talk about, and I never have thought it necessary, but I just want to say thank you to the good people out there, all of you, no matter who you are and where you come from.