First Kiss Dabney

I still haven't written about Dabney. It's like trying to write the TTSOML posts but a little different. I'm just going to have to forget about him and the fact that I did and do have feelings for him, which is CRAZY, and I don't understand it myself, but just write about what I know. Because some of it was a little scary to me. If he was or is "for me", I wish it would work out in a way but in some ways, I don't know...It's too hard to describe.

So I'm going to forget about him, but I think, the rat that he was, I think I actually, if I fell for anyone in my life, I fell for HIM. WHy the hell, I do not know. He annoyed me, too, and nothing was perfect but there were some good things. But the bad or scary stuff I should write about.

Some funny stuff too. I should have taken way better notes. Seriously. The drama there was a whole story in the making. I just didn't know it at the time. I should have been journaling every single thing that happened and writing down dialogue and everything. I still remember some dialogue, just from recollection.

Sometimes, I thought he was undercover FBI. That seems most likely. Then I wondered about regular police. Then I thought, okay, he's just a drunken rat who's in with the Catholic church or whatever group has me on their hit list. Then I thought he was with some Russian mafia or a Russian group and thought he spoke Russian in his sleep. Then he had all this skinhead tatoo stuff so I thought it was for a cover for a job long ago, and then all this skulls tatoos with the number 13 and the same birthdate as Prince Harry. Then I saw his blackberry with the hours set ahead, for outside of the U.S. and thought he was a sniper or CIA or just military commissioned sniper. Then he was "done" with me one day, until he saw a business card I'd left out on the floor, from an Israeli woman, who I won't name, and when he saw and read this card, he smiled and said everything was fine and I was staying with him. SO then I'm like, what? Mossad? and his other girlfriend was Jewish but he had this sort of odd fascination with Jewish things, like, I thought you're either a JEw or NOT, but all this talk about 1/16th and 1/8th and my friends's mom is 1/12th. You know...I'm like, huh? Somebody get this guy to a Passover. Learn the story and eat the egg with the bitter herbs. I thought he looked German or Russian when I first saw him. He said he wasn't. He said English, Irish, and something else.

So what the hell?

Something was going on. I just don't know what. But I will start from the beginning and not leave out the scary parts (for me) or the bad, because he DID have info on me from someone somewhere and while he was so interested in me, even over his own girlfriend, and his eyes were always on me, he would say the meanest things which I didn't react to, but another of my coworkers DID. She started CRYING and took me aside and said she didn't know how I had the strength I had, and how I could handle things. Her tears were streaming down her cheeks and I said it was all okay, don't worry, I was fine, really.

So, there is a story. Which I will tell in full.

In the meantime, I'm getting the DNA of the fetus confirmed because that's one pretty boy bastard who loved me and hated me and who made no attempt to prevent my pregnancy even though I warned him.

Half baby. You pay for half of the medical bills. I am not even going to charge you for the rest of what you did to me.

I'll just write about it.

Oh, and it's not so bad his mom is/was a dominatrix. I actually thought it was interesting and brave and I liked his mom a lot. But when I was pregnant, I was going to trash his entire family anyway I knew how, because I didn't want family #2 trying to take my baby(babies) away from me.

So since most of society would think it's odd and CPS would hate it, although I was fine with his family, Oh yes, I was working all their dysfunctional angles. Then I got suspicious...is he going to AA for me? because I asked and kept trashing his drinks? or is he going to establish credibility for parental rights?

At any rate, from beginning to end, I will tell this story.

Ending on this song from Prince: "Kiss"
Oh....mi novio esta aqui pero I can't leave the computer yet. It's "The Cure" on lastfm 80s and the song is one of my favorites: "Just Like Heaven".