My Policy for Myself on Lying (crime and healthcare)

I recently overheard a man who didn't know me AT ALL, telling some other stranger, "Ms. Garrett lies a lot." This was overheard at the GW ER. I thought, "What in the world?" How did this resident in training get that idea (after speaking with Dr. Collier) and why was he spreading this lie about me?

Then I decided, oh, that because I've written on my blog how I've had to lie to uncover the truth or protect innocents a few times, some got the idea they could slander me by saying "Ms. Garrett lies a lot".

Until I was involved with the Abbey mess, I never, ever, lied, for any reason. All my teachers, family, and friends called me the most honest person they ever knew because I wouldn't even lie about small things. I believed ALL lying was wrong, because I seriously believed the Bible literally when it said, "all liars have their part in hell". So many proverbs about liars going to hell too, which I read myself. But then I saw how much these lawyers and monks and even police lied about what they'd done, and I never did the same. I didn't lie about THEM, or make up lies to benefit myself either. But I realized, there is a distinction in lying.

LYING TO PROTECT INNOCENTS:
I realized, even according to the Bible, the woman Rahab was praised for lying and hiding the spies. People DID lie, and it was okay, but there were conditions. For me, personally, I decided it was ethically and morally permissible and RIGHT to lie to protect innocent life. So, for example, good to lie about hiding disabled and Jews who were hunted by Nazi's. And, in my own life, good to lie about the father of my child, to protect an innocent family that didn't deserve to be harmed by something that was in the past. So, this was lying for a good motive, to protect innocents. When the last father asked me to lie about not knowing who the father was, I refused. It served no purpose because I was unaware of any "innocents" who would have been protected by my lying. I thought he just wanted me to do it for his own posterity. If I had been aware of innocents, I would have lied for him and for myself, to protect those innocents.

LYING TO UNCOVER THE TRUTH:
The other good reason, ethically and morally, for lying, was to uncover the truth when the truth was concealed by deceit. Many people lie for self-serving motives, to excuse their own bad behavior or make themselves sound better than they are. This is not an acceptable form of lying to me. It is not ethical or moral lying, because in my eyes, it is weak and is an excuse for allowing myself to degenerate by covering up bad things I've done and continuing in wrongdoing. It would give me an excuse to not better myself, but to cover by claiming I'm better than I am by lying to enhance my appearance, or to refuse to admit and make amend for hurting another person through selfish gain. It is okay, in my eyes, when my own parents cheat on their taxes, because it's lying for selfish gain, unless they actually had the approximate money coming to them anyway. It's not okay to lie and tell the world your enemy has done things they haven't done, no matter how bad they are, because they deserve the truth as much as you. So I report wrongdoing, but I am careful not to exaggerate because it is unfair and undeserved, no matter how evil and how much they've lied about me. And this, I've been faithful and true to. What is an exception is, for example, when Dan Gatti lied claiming to be a chiropractor in order to uncover the truth about a bad doctor. Gatti, in that instance, lied, but it wasn't to harm someone or for a vindictive or self-protective reason. Regardless of who it benefited, the sole purpose was to uncover the truth. Lying by claiming one is not recording something when you are, if it is already fairly well-established the other person is doing corrupt things and cannot be caught otherwise, this is a good reason to lie. It is for the moral and ethical betterment of society. I extend it to society because when one small instance of corruption is caught, it prevents the bad apple from corrupting, influencing, and poisoning the rest of the barrel. It is never just "one time" or "this one situation". When one situation of corruption goes unchecked, it encourages others to think they might not get caught and creates a situation of temptation. So, for me, this is why I believe fighting for myself is not just for myself but for society in general, because if crime and corruption is allowed against me, it is foolish to think it will not perpetuate an environment which will spread to others, and affect society as a whole. There are people who lie all the time, and the only way to get the truth, when they are afraid of getting caught, is to pretend to have their same values or lie to get to the truth, to bring it out to light.

Or if someone doesn't believe you, and you know something is wrong, and they don't listen, and you have to make up a lie of exaggeration to get attention paid to the situation, this is also morally good and acceptable, in my eyes. So, for example, when I went to PG hospital after trying to get help for the abnormal pain I had and symptoms I had with this last pregnancy, I lied a moral lie in order to get help, out of desperation. I had already exhausted my other efforts. I went to the Fairfax ER and she dismissed my concerns and was rude. Then my appointment to get established care was over and over delayed, with the Fairfax clinic, where I wasn't getting their messages and should have gotten in within 2 weeks instead of over a month later. When I went, I pleaded to be taken seriously and the residents there did nothing. They didn't listen and believe me. I even told them about prolapse and they didn't even bother to check it and do an internal exam to see how bad it was, when I believed it was causing severe pain and preventing me from being able to work. I did everything in my power and finally asked for an MRI. They said maybe later but I was NOT okay. So I went to PGH and lied about my name so no one would know who I was, and I lied and said I'd had a small "fall" which never happened. I just said it so they would take me seriously to get an MRI or better sonogram. They did an MRI, with a malfunctioning machine, which killed the babies. And no one told me I had twins. But I KNEW something was wrong, and I did what I needed to do, when no one was listening to me, and I'd exhausted all my other efforts. I lied, and it was morally and ethically a good reason to lie.


UNACCEPTABLE REASONS FOR LYING:
So there are times to lie. But I have never lied to cover for myself or wrongful things I've done, or to make myself sound like a better person than I am. I personally do not believe in lying to get ahead or because it's easier than dealing with the truth. The problem with lying to cover bad deeds, and we all do "bad" things or things which we must apologize for...well, the problem with lying to cover oneself, is that it tells your own pysche, this is your escape route to bad behavior. It reinforces the idea, in your own consciousness, that if you screw up, no one has to know and you shouldn't hold yourself accountable, because all you have to do is lie. It is sometimes the best way, it seems, to avoid liability and financial ruin, depending on what you're covering for--reputation or finances. But it is morally and ethically wrong and harmful to society. Not to mention, it is harmful to yourself. It creates a weakening in your moral fibre. Instead of having to be strong, and do the right thing, whatever it is, to remedy the situation, it allows you to check out. And once you do it once, it just continues. Most of us start lying to cover for our actions at a very, very, young age and we continue through grade school, high school, college, and into our careers. The lies build in intricacy and more excuses develop for reasons to lie. I had a slightly different course, because of how religious I was.

When I decided, at about age 21, not to lie for any reason, it was the hardest habit I've ever had to break in my life. It's hard to go even one day without lying when you're used to it. I am sure it's harder than quitting smoking, because it becomes a habit and a pattern. But I decided not only did the Bible say lying was a good way to end up in Hell, I was also philosophical enough to reason that it was giving me an excuse to be weaker than I wanted to be. It's counter-intuitive because while one thinks they are becoming stronger by concealing their faults, it actually weakens ones own resolve to be accountable for ones own actions and take full responsibility. It gives one an excuse for being late to work and then if it works, instead of changing behavior, you just use the same lie. Lying triggers, I'm sure, a reward center of the brain that regulates reward and impulse controls. It reinforces to oneself, one is able to get away with things. This can become disastrous, because you become weaker as a person and not as resolved to changing for your own betterment and for others. I worked at it a long time, and I actually got to the point I would admit to anything and everything, and never lied, ever, and not even for others, to say they were not at their desk and couldn't take a call.

Later, after I'd mastered NOT lying, I reintroduced it to myself, but with specific parameters. All of this, I consider to be a form of personal discipline. You can control yourself and your impulses, and this is a major one. I felt, it would strengthen my character to master not lying, and then I realized there are some times when it is the morally BETTER option to lie. Those reasons, of course, to protect the innocent and to uncover the truth.

Most wouldn't know this about me, and it's just not true that I am impulsive or unstable. I take my time in drawing conclusions about how to live my life and what I choose to do. I philosophize and contemplate and think about how I can be a better person and what would be best for me and society. What this has done has increased my respect for myself.

Instead of triggering rewards for lying to getting away with things, you begin triggering rewards for being strong and mastering your natural impulses. Any reward temporarily gained from lying for bad reasons, to cover yourself or bad deeds of another, backfires. Eventually, it's lie upon lie and another lie and you eventually get anxious and depressed, and all along you know what the truth is. You know you've lied about yourself and possibly hurt others as well. Any satisfaction from beating the system or getting ahead the wrong way just doesn't pan out because you know, yourself, how it was gained. On the other hand, the reward for mastering a self discipline that forces you to better yourself and which you know is fair even to your enemies and good for society, only increases.

For me,personally, my self esteem shot up. I was proud of myself, and it was moral and right to be proud for a good reason. There is also such a thing as false humility and anyone who is able to accomplish a good thing which strengthens their character and curbs natural impulse and bends it to your own will, should be proud of themselves. I knew I was becoming a honest person and reforming my behavior without an excuse or back out plan, that I was fair to even my enemies, and that my character was going to be strong enough to be a benefit to society. I became happier, and self assured and confident. Even with everything going wrong about me and people lying around me, I knew I was holding up. I still suffered and vented and it's not though I didn't have problems still, but any response that affected my emotions, never changed my core. I was too strong, from self discipline and practice, for them to be able to get to me and change me, when it came to that. Knowing your foundation can't be shaken is tremendously empowering and I wish for everyone to try it.

I still got emotional of course, and do get that way, and vent and rage, but that's an external response to things. What would surprise many is how solid I am on the inside.

It is natural and instinctive to lie and cover ourselves. So it is something to be proud of if you choose to practice a discipline to better your life and the lives of others. It's extremely difficult and I don't know if it's better to practice according to parameters for lying first, or to try to get a clean base to start with, by going as extreme as cutting out all lying and then building a new foundation from there, with established parameters.

It is possible. It takes a lot of hard work, but it is possible, and the rewards increase instead of backfiring. You become very strong.

Oh, but my enemies know this. There are some enemies though, who want to hate me who are only misguided, whose friends and leaders don't care if they are better people or not, or whether they are better people or not, or whether they do the right thing or are happy. I am probably more generous, to these followers who direct hate towards me, than their own leaders.

I am both fair and willing to tell anyone how they can be a happier person and gain concrete strength through self-mastery.

I hope too, that this post will inspire someone to take a big first step of backing up and confessing or blowing the whistle on things they know about, whether it's about me or someone else.

You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be the hero you were intended to be. No one should be able to steal this from you or try to make you like they are. I believe in God, and regardless of how confused I may be about everything, I know God intends for every one of us to be a better person and for this society to be better. Even in love and war, fair is fair. If you are able to rise above sheer instinct and practices that just build garbage, you will overcome everything. That's not to say you don't have accountability. When you choose to be accountable for your actions, it hurts. But it is a reminder that the bad way and easy way is not one to fall back on. It is self destructive. While it gives the impression of preserving reputations and finances and families, it corrupts the moral fibre and makes us weak. The mind tricks one into believing you're getting ahead when you're actually allowing others to allow you to self destruct. You can get it back.

I have nothing, but I have everything, because of this strength and I want it for you too. It doesn't mean you have to stop lying. Just distinguish the bad from the good, and define parameters for yourself. There are rewards, I promise.