Pain Pills, Twins, Foul Play, & Ramblings

I was NOT okay today. I took a bunch of Advil and Tylenol until I could pick up my prescription, and I don't know if that woman pulled some kind of judo move on me or WHAT, but my back really hurts, and it's not from pregnancy because that was improving, and it was healing up before this. This new pain is from the assault. But I'm suprised by how long it's lasting. I seriously think maybe I need another X-ray at a different angle. Because I remember with Oregon once, they took 3 angles of my knee and only showed me 2 angles and then I found out there was a 3rd one and it showed my fractured knee from a car collision.

Then, at Freed's in Wenatchee, I think 3 views were taken and at least 2 of them showed nothing but then the one showed a bulging vertebrae in my lower lumbar which was fractured AND out of alignment, and he thought it was 'degenerative' and I kept telling him, no, it's from the childbirth because it wasn't there before.

So, either I don't have good views of X-rays yet, or it really did "heal" from the magnetic pulse crap which, scientifically, is proven to facilitate fusion of bones that are broken, nevermind the pain my son, I, and the cat went through over this.

I got the pills and took 2. One didn't work enough and I've maxed out on other stuff. I really, really, want to try a cortisone shot. Toradol does nothing for me. That way, my pain is taken care of and no one is able to accuse me of being "drug seeking". I had proof of injuries before, in Wenatchee, but they lied and claimed I was drug seeking then, which was an outright lie. So I know how this all works, and I'm not going to falsely accused again.

I am still sort of waiting for pain pills to kick in. I don't feel very good.

I am moving to a new housemate situation and I am really hoping this one works out. I like the people, a lot, but of course, we all know I need to reserve judgment until I've known people longer. But I DO like them and they're from Latin America which I love, and who knows, this guy said, maybe I'll even move there one day. If I had friends who could protect me, I would definitely love to take my son to Latin America, because it's part of his culture and I want him to be well-rounded. I would also like Australia I think, because I read this news about business etiquette and how Australia was the "worst" or seemed rude to others because they swore.

I thought, "Yes!" my kind of town. AND Australians get more offended if they are not offered a drink. So yes, I am totally with them on that too. I really believe in the importance of offering guests, at the very least, a drink.

I'm just going to ramble until I find my groove and start feeling better...

So anyway, this woman I met from Saudi, I won't say anything about except there are dip connections and that's ALL I'm going to say. EXCEPT, I wish everyone knew what a fun and bubbly and beautiful person she is. She's very smart and into science, and she and I just laughed our heads off. She was very, very, well dressed, and obvisously had lots of money, but I didn't care except I admired her coat. She didn't seem to mind I didn't look very rich, and I haven't clicked with someone like that in a very long time. She was sort of the type of woman I could see as a best friend, or one of my best friends. She reminded me a little of an old friend I had, Monica, who is half-Mexican. Monica was the best friend I ever had, and we did a lot of silly things together and she knew about all the bad things happening after I reported the monks but her husband was weirded out and he actually tried to come onto me once, and after that, who knows what he told her. She'd be loyal to him to the death I think, and we haven't spoken since. Which is too bad. She had twins too.

It's a little peculiar I got pregnant with twins. Twins come from the mother's side of the family, and NO ONE, ANYWHERE, in the entire history of generations of immigrants and nationals, have there ever been twins. Not on my father's side either. So why did I have twins? I have some theories.

1. I am older and they occur more frequently in older women, however it's still genetic and I wasn't on fertility drugs of any kind.

2. I have read a whole bunch about ovarian pregnancies, and guess what happens after laser treatments to the ovary and that general area? There is evidence that suggests it contributes to ovarian pregnancies, which are exceedingly rare. I think that's important enough info I'll post it again.

It is either that I had twins at the same time, like, on the same night of conception, when I knew I'd conceived with Dabney, OR, it is sometimes possible to have a pregnancy in a normal place and then get pregnant AGAIN, from a separate incidence. However, that would be strange, because there was only one incidence after conception, and it was a week later. I highly doubt my ovaries would produce an egg one week, and I'd be pregnant, and then a week later, I get pregnant again. I am pretty sure it happened at the same time, and the pain began at the same time too.

What's strange, is how I somehow "knew" I had twins. I remember feeling this sinking feeling, like shock or something when I saw only one baby on sonogram. It wasn't that I DESIRED twins, but I felt I "knew". I felt highly, highly pregnant, and my mood swings were outrageous. I was in severe pain and I was "showing" at about 1-2 months. My stomach was totally protruding. So I was sure, and asked Dabney if there were twins in his family. What's also odd, is that this woman who had sort of stalked me around Dabney's place in NW D.C., was also standing in front of the Post Pub where I worked when I went to work one day. She was pushing a twin stroller and just smirked at me. It was a very dark haired woman with shoulder length hair and she kind of looked too old to be a mother, but maybe a grandmother. Late 50s and taller, and black everything, wool coat, and all else and sunglasses. She showed up after I knew I was pregnant.

Anyway, no, I'm not having periods since I've miscarried. Nothing at all, although I had a migraine today on the usual side of my head.

I'm supposed to go in again, to have hormone levels checked. Why? because, since I had an ovarian pregnancy, from what I read online, even after it's shrinking or whatever, cells can be left behind which generate new cells and can cause sort of tumors or not really tumors but non-fetus type of material, which can expand and cause problems.

I don't want to go back. Basically, I was traumatized by what happened, and like most women who can relate to me on this, when you lose someone you love, or loved, even if it was for a brief time, you don't need constant reminders by having someone examine you every ten minutes. If anyone thinks I kept going back to ER for "fun" or because I like hospitals, they're nuts. I didn't want anyone touching me. I've never felt that way before. People think they know so much about me and what would affect me and my anxiety and they don't know shit. I don't react the same way to danger or trauma as most people.

But what happened with this situation, is strange enough on so many levels. I would like to say all those equipment malfunctions at PGH were "accidents" and the product of bad hospital funding, but it was too coincidental. THREE machines, and then my voice recorder had problems too? I'm not going to say her name, but I wasn't the only one who was a little creeped out by what was happening there.

First of all, I think it may have been intentional that the MRI machine wasn't working right, and that some kind of surge killed my babies. I told the guy who took me there, what I was doing and he lived with CIA people and had this Nigerian mother and I know for a fact now that he's not an honest person. So he drove me there and knew I was going to be there. Also, he said he wasn't Catholic, but on the last day I was there, he was wearing a religious type of necklace around his neck with white beads on it. I couldn't say whether it was maybe orthodox or catholic or what, but it wasn't normal "protestant" baptist wear, and he'd told me he was Baptist. He knew all about my situation with the Catholic church and FBI before I ever moved in with him.

I know for a fact that one of the doctors at PGH and some of the nurses were concerned by what was going on. The nurses, I don't know for sure what they were thinking but a few were seriously on my side, and I think, somehow knew me or knew I wasn't being treated right. One, I thought and was just positive, she was Canadian but she denied it. She said it was a Michigan or other accent but I swear to God, she reminded me so much of Canada. She was helpful to me too.

Then the Russian doctor, won't say her name. But when she came in and I told her how the blood machine hadn't worked and my voice recorder and it, at the same time were saying "low battery" and not working, she did not look nonchalant. This doctor was concealing alarm and she actually turned and looked out the window. Which is exactly what I'd been doing when this happened. Outside, it was just buildings, sky, and a forest of trees. But I noticed how she looked, and then she looked up at the light ahead of me and got on a chair and twisted it so it faced a different direction.

I believe that Russian doctor was somehow on my side. I think she overheard me screaming at my mother, which must have been charming and endearing (sarcasm) but I felt somehow she was on my side and she never wanted me to know her name so she must have known about my blog or something.

I KNOW--I have NO doubts, there are people who believe me. That bad things happened to me and my son just as I've said and that it is possible something sinister was going on when I became pregnant and tried to get help. I had a feeling my baby, that no baby of mine, was going to be safe in the U.S. I already knew what they'd done to my son in traumatizing him and feeding the slander against me, and torturing him and me with the magnetic pulse crap. So I knew the same group would try to do something to any other baby I carried. But I was a little caught off-guard. I sort of thought they'd think it was enough to have already made me and my son suffer, but no, it wasn't, and although I cannot prove it, I believe there was foul play in the death of my last babies.

And I am not the only one who thinks this either.

Sure, it's easier to just say all these machines were not operating correctly. But it was more than coincidence, and it mirrored some of the things that happened at my house when my son and I lived there alone. It could have only been done through some kind of sophisticated technology and I can't imagine any country would be able to do this besides someone within my own country. WHO, in what country, would have access and be able to go undetected?

Why would anyone in any other country, go to the time and effort of doing all these things? Unless, and only unless, it is or was a group with the Vatican intelligence who is also in American intelligence.

Well, anyway, on another note, I wanted to say I met these gorgeous black women from London today. What the hell they were doing here, I don't know, but they were all stunning and had the most beautiful accents. Very, very, black, so I was wondering which country originally. One sort of looked a little bit middle eastern but had extremely dark skin and then was just beautiful. She complimented me on my hair and I told her I'd trade for her accent. It was a very refined version and I don't know what they do in London, but it's upper-end. They were here for inauguration.

I'm still rambling, trying to work up to feeling better. I took two pills, but this other doctor gave me Vicodin instead of Percocet and it' not working the same, just like I told him it might not. And it's not. I feel like I'm not taking anything at all, my body still hurts. I'm eventually going to move to a country that has reasonable laws about narcotics and drugs and pain stuff in general. I've had how many fucking bones and torn muscles and damages, and yet I have PROBLEMS getting pain treated like normal?

I have always weaned myself off of stuff when my pain subsides, but the truth is, I have THINGS to feel pain from and I'm not the type of person who wants to screw with the way her brain works, just for some pain pill kick. I've NEVER been that way and my whole family knows. Well, my parents don't, because they chose to believe CPS and doctors in Wenatchee that I didn't have the pain I had and that I didn't have the damages I had. They figured if everyone was saying I had no damages, how could all those people be lying, and their DAUGHTER be the one who was RIGHT?

I talked to a "Brenda" today from a medical place, and I had this feeling, I might meet Brenda Wells someday. I know it sounds crazy, sort of, but I think it may be possible. I really want to talk to her, of all the people from the witnesses, I want to speak with her most. I want to hear her views and opinions and if she thinks she could identify the people she saw. I'm talking about Diana stuff. Which I'm not getting into, as far as my research goes, but this isn't information at all. I just really want to speak with her.

I put lastfm on and this song kills me. "The Promise You Made" by Cock Robin. It's the second time I've heard it and it makes me cry every single time.