Erickson's CPS Threats & My Psychoanalysis

I called CPS, again, to find out where my mail was. They claim they had sent me "everything".

I asked specifically what had been sent and where, because since I've been in D.C. and even before then, when I was in Whatcom County, Washington (state) I wasn't getting all the mail which was allegedly sent to me.

I always gave my current address. If I changed addresses, I let them know.

So while I have no desire to speak with Ms. Erickson anymore than usual, I called her simply to find out what this was about "termination of my rights" which I've received no information about, and also to see whether anyone was actually sending me mail, from Washington state, or NOT.

I am at least trying to identify whether anyone tried to send me mail.

The point is, that only THREE things are possible:

1. Either "the department" lied to me about mailing me information to proper addresses, or
2. Someone or persons I was living with refused my mail or had it sent back without my knowledge, or
3. The post office or some employee was somehow involved in getting my mail screwed up.

After having so many people stall and delay in giving me notice and giving me mail, I was suddenly told, by Erickson, today, that she would mail me everything since August 23, 2009.

She claims the big box of discovery which I needed prior to the hearings for Fact Finding and Contested Sheltercare, were sent on time. But I know for a fact that I did not receive anything from the state AT ALL, or from the court, until about 1 1/2 months later, after one of my roommates handed me a box, telling me he'd signed for it and that it had come in the mail. Chris Dabney signed for it.

This is the first time I got any mail from the state, and I got it late, after the hearings, when everyone knew I needed this discovery to defend myself and know what their arguments were.

So I called Michelle, who I think is a complete bitch, and who I know lied about me and who mocked me, on the record, in the Fact Finding hearing. Michelle mocked me, disputed my physical disabilities, and purposefully took the stand to claim to the judge I was basically delusional for claiming to have any concerns about my or my son's medical conditions.

She asked me, towards the end of my conversation with her, if I was using drugs or on anything, because, she claimed, I was more "calm" than usual. Which was a completely nutty thing for her to say. I was no more "calm" today with her than any other day, or time I've been around her and she's only talked to me and seen me maybe a total of 3 or 4 times, for brief periods. Today, I talked to her for over an hour, and I was the same as I always am, except, this time, I suppose I did not feel as much emotional distress. I do not feel as distressed, I think, because I finally feel I am getting a little bit of control over this situation.

I am realizing I have avenues and resources now, for getting my son back, which are not what Ms. Erickson or CPS might expect.

I think I have gained some level of confidence in the fact that I have such a long and documented paper (and other) trail of attempting to get discovery, that I am feeling better about my legal position.

As for whether I'm using substances or prescriptions, I told Ms. Erickson I could not comment. I could have just said of course not, but I think it's better to keep her guessing as to what I'm up to, because like I said, I didn't come to the East Coast to "abandon" my son, but to fight for him.

It has taken a long time, and not gone very quickly. In fact, I have been very delayed, and progress hasn't been forthcoming as I hoped, but I HAVE made some small but significant steps which are going to help me and my son in the long run.

To me, Erickson was beginning to sound desperate. At first, she was insulting, and intentionally so, making remarks about how I had abandoned my son and was not visiting him and was going to lose him, and how my only chance at ever getting him back was to "submit" to her and the Wenatchee authorities, basically, or Washington people. She is absolutely desperate to have me evaluated for mental illness. And despite my repeated requests as to why the state cut off my phone visitation with my son, do you know what her response was?

Michelle Erickson and the state, claim if my son was 15 years old, they would not cut off phone visitation, but they say it is "wrong" to think my 2 year old benefits from hearing his mother's voice at his age.

They know this is wrong. Then Michelle claimed it was because my aunt said I was arguing with my aunt and this bothered my son. My aunt said this after I told HER I was going to tell CPS about her mood swings and how her own husband and daughter felt she should pipe down.

So Michelle was trying to claim it was all about my aunt. But I corrected her, telling Michelle I knew, because my aunt TOLD me, CPS was attempting to cut off my telephone visitation with my son IMMEDIATELY after I moved out of the area, because they wanted every excuse to claim I was not "visiting" him, and they are well aware that even telephone visitation makes a legal argument for the fact that I have been visiting him in some form.

I told Michelle I was getting evaluations over here which proved my case, and she suddenly wanted to know exactly who I was going to, claiming she wanted to know because they could "help" with my getting my son back.

That's a bunch of BS. CPS wants to know what I'm getting, for their own discovery, because they DO know, that although I've talked about a lawsuit for a long time, it is still a possibility that they COULD be sued for improperly removing my son.

She kept saying, "The court has decided..." as if Judge Hotchkiss has the last word. As if HE is the epitome of integrity and ethics. The same judge who told me ON THE SPOT, on the same hour of the hearing for Contested Sheltercare, that I was to be pro se, and defend myself right then and there without counsel and without any prior notice and no discovery. The judge knew I didn't have any records with me. He knew I didn't have state discovery and that, because of his instant idea that I should be pro se, that I didn't have a copy of my own case file.

Ummmm....hmmm. It seems to me that if a Judge is going to force someone to be pro se, they should allow that person to see their own case file when they weren't even getting copied on motions filed by their former negligent counsel, which I reported to the Bar at last. THIS is the same judge, who, after telling me to be pro se, hung up on me, and proceeded without me, even after I made a good faith and respectful attempt to get back into the hearing to do my "best" at defending myself on the spot.

Michelle tried about everything in the book--interrupting, insulting, and threatening me. I just listened, because for once, I need her to vent, and feel free to share what she thinks she is so confident about.

LOL. So then she asked me if I was on drugs because I was so "calm". Why? because she knew I should be getting angry, or tearful, or upset? I just laid out question after question after question, to get the information I need to pass along to people I know.

I think what it comes down to, is that while I am severely distressed by what they've done to me and my son, I have realized I am gaining ground. The entire time they stalled and lied, I began to realize I am more than all of this and that I am actually above this. They tried to scare and freak the hell out of me, but hey, if I can take on the Nigerian rambo fighters of the diplomatic fringe, I guess I just MIGHT have "balls" for a "white girl". Maybe someday the white girl with balls will be able to work with the vicious black fighters to actually do something that benefits everyone, and not just self-interest. I have no problem making friends with some of my enemies. The very struggle I spoke out against, between blacks and hispanics fighting eachother, and Mexican in-fighting, I have to represent myself, right?

This was going to be a post about Michelle, but it's about a lot more than that. I cannot tell you how much I've learned in the last couple of months. I have grown a LOT.

I've been derailed in some ways, as usual, but I somehow got onto a wild learning curve too. I thought my education was at a standstill, and then shit happened, and I learned from it.

I want to tell everyone some of the things I have learned.

I woke up this morning, with so many ideas and thoughts, and things to write about. I had someone tell me last night that I should write editorials. I don't know what kind really. But I'll make a separate post about that.

As for Michelle, it just sounds like the department wants to avoid mayhem at this point. They know most of the things that happened to me and my son were wrong, and they just hope I will give in and do what they want, or that they can get closure on this and not worry about a lawsuit later. But I did the research. You can sue, even if parental rights are actually terminated. It's not all over.

I asked what exactly they're "wanting" and they mainly want the psych eval of course, after they directly slandered me to Canada and everyone else as being "paranoid schitzo". NOW, she's TOTALLY backing down on this claim. I mean, totally, at least over the phone, claiming SHE doesn't think I am, and that no one ever said this. Like hell they didn't. I saw what they gave Canada, with my own eyes.

I READ what they wrote about me, which they hoped I'd never see. Well, darlings, I saw it and I read it, and it was slanderous and it caused damages to my son and to my reputation in and with Canadians.

I want to write about Canadians too, come to think of it.

Michelle claims she wants a full psych eval and added all this crap they never were talking about before. When they were first talking about a psych eval, they just wanted someone to see their packet of crap on me and diagnose me with some crazy illness or breakdown or something, and then follow "recommendations". So, back THEN, it was all about paranoid schitzo. Now they're too afraid to say this is it and they've totally backed down. Who knows. Mabye because no one in their right mind would say this who really knows me? or maybe because I dated the high-powered sugar daddy who was a very good ranking psychiatrist/psychologist for the FBI?

HE thought it was ludicrous, the CPS claims, and he had more than enough time to figure out if I was schitzo. Well, and then after so many emails and dates and face-to-face contact, he kissed me, and frankly my dear, I don't kiss like anyone who is paranoid either.

I am not only NOT paranoid schitzo, I'm not "paranoid" at all. The things that I've been concerned about have been legitimate. And I don't think they have a DSMV whatever for Whistleblower Conditionitis. Ohhhhh, oh! wait! fuck. I forGOT! It's not called Whistleblower Conditionitis--it's a mixture thing, like Whistleblower PLUS Feminist (a real god-damn good one) PLUS Litigator.

Whistleblower + Feminist + Litigator + hmmm, guess we should throw in "artist" for good measure, Artist + Analyst.

How do I wrap that up into a title? Whistlefemligartyst.

Whist-le-fem-lig-art-yst.

Follow all recommendations, for this condition, namely:
1. shut up and don't tell,
2. cover your mouth when you smile and lower your eyes,
3. don't sue the bastards! take 'em out to lunch!
4. write poems in your head, not on paper, and don't write at all,
5. stay out of politics and forecasting.

Okay, so at first CPS and Michelle were all about just getting someone to talk to me for an hour or two and summing up my parts into a generic whole.

NOW, she rattled off, FIRST THING, an I.Q. test!!!! hahahahaaaaa. I'm so sorry, but that has got to be hilarious. Come on, doesn't everyone think it's cute? If you want an I.Q. test, why don't you scour up my old grade school and jr. high California Acheivement Test scores. Hell, talk to Mensa too.

I guess this new requirement is to either pin me down as a narcissist or a bona fide genius. I'm not a genuis Michelle, and we all know this. I'm just smarter than YOU are honey. That doesn't make me better, just...em...brighter.

After she brought up I.Q. test, I said, very calmly, "Have you had an I.Q. test before?" or maybe I just asked if she'd had a psych eval. I actually asked her, quite sure, if she'd had a psych eval. She said she wouldn't tell me if she HAD and it was none of my business.

I just have to say folks, if we're gonna give me the 'ole I.Q. crap, I think EVERYBODY should participate. Because then I could prove, on even straighter grounds, why it is impossible for people like Erickson to be effective at jobs in CPS.

First of all, she thinks 2 year olds are idiots. Sorry, but can I call on my Jewish friends to slap her around on that one? What was SHE reading to her 2 year old charges? ABCs and baby books??!? If you treat kids like they're idiots and too "young", you are going to set them back, which is what every parents of private school children knows. Kids are smart and public schools and their reps often totally underestimate their intelligence, which leads to boredom, insecurity, and a host of problems, like defiance of authority. You know, in a lot of Jewish culture, they start their kids out young, giving them the benefit of a doubt for having WHAT?!!! brains. Yes, brains and a sensitivity. For example, Eliot, this 2 year old I babysat to who was Laura Rose's son...total intellectual at 2. And you do NOT speak to this kid, or I quickly learned, as if he's an unthinking baby. You talk to him like a competent and mature adult-in-training and he just lit up and started talking up a storm. You do NOT treat kids like their babies. They need supervision and guidance, and protection, and aside from that, an environment in which to thrive.

You RESPECT the rights of a child, and their intelligence, and their spirits. Which means you bend at the knee and get down to their level to speak with them, but you elevate yourself as a human being by treating them like kindred spirits.

Philip Thebault. Total terror. But sensitive too. A very sensitive child actually, even bleeding heart type. Probably calloused now, through time and training perhaps, but you know what, you respect him for his feelings and his concerns and I listened to him. He loved his German nanny so much because she took him on walks and listened to the children. So anyway, because they actually went to a school that understands children, where the teachers are halfway intelligent themselves, his cousin comes over at age 12 or whatever and is setting up an obstacle course and fun games for the younger kids, all on his own. That cousin was take charge at 12. He was confident in his abilities, and has likely gone on to great success.

But here you have people in CPS, belittling the minds of children, and their spirits, and acting like they're a bunch of unthinking imbeciles. People, and children especially, RISE to the expectations of the adults, and some, even manage to rise without the encouragement and nurturing they crave and need, in spite of the dearth of intellectual stimilation.

I am not a genius. I picked up Plath the day before yesterday and thought, "My God, I forgot what a real poet writes like; I'm never writing again!" I was blushing embarrassed, thinking about my poor vocabularly and how limited I am because of my inadequate training. Her nouns, and verbs, and adjectives...I thought to myself I need to carry a dictionary around with me and just read it. Or cheat, and just write down some crazy random words and then arrange them to make sense in verse as if this all just flowed from my mind.

So back to I.Q. and people like Michelle. Should we be comparing I.Q's? I mean, if it means I get to be her boss because I have higher points, let's go! but all they want, is information to twist however they like.

I've already been subjected to that. First, everyone was told, by the Abbey, that I was a dumb lunatic. Like, some poor, indigent, average bee who buzzed about the ears of the strong ox and irritated the swish out of the horse's tail. Then, hmmm...no, that won't work...so THEN they spin it so that I'm (shhhh!!!! scary! scary!) "highly intelligent" like a fox and I'm some kind of scam artist fooling everyone with my innocent facade and headlight-brights of a brain.

You can't win. You're either an airhead or a duplicitous devil. Since when are men subjected to this kind of scrutiny? men are all assumed to be dumbell jocks or wall street analysts or philosophers and there is no negative connotation to ANY OF IT. And if a woman is smarter than a man, she is someone to conquer and discard to punish for having brains, or to avoid like the plague because she just might figure out your wiley schemes.

So there I was, talking to Michelle the idiot. The woman who has power over me, for now, so she thinks, and who has nothing more than deceipt and scorn to her credit. She is good at mocking others, and that's it. My son is a binger, according to her, and I am in need of "help", and she thinks she's my solution. She's the solution like a needle point on a fat balloon. I will be the fat balloon, out of graciousness.

Since when is I.Q. important for parenting? CPS doesn't do this and they weren't going to do it before, because I checked and they were just doing straight sit-down talk stuff. Now they want a whole "battery" of tests including I.Q. which sounds more like FBI or CIA shit than CPS. It's BS. Like, who wants to know, really? is this really about my SON and my parenting skills, or just me, like I've said before.

When I first did the MMPI, I'd never read about it or done it before. But Oregon State Bar man wasn't happy or thought I'd outwitted the test so he gave me the "harder" test. So I did it, and was still fine. Christa asked me if I'd studied it before taking it, like she wanted to know if I read up on it before taking it. I had not.

Then, Christa wanted to know information about my profile from not Match.com but the other one, eharmony, that screens you. I passed that screen too, and got matches up with all these type A guys who were in intelligence, high end military, CEOs and wall street bankers. Which was hilarious, because I got tired of it after awhile, and instead of listing myself as "student", I put down "Welfare Queen". It amused me to think of all these successful men, pissed off that their "match" (matched at every level of compatibility!) was the "Welfare Queen". This was after I had my son, when I was still losing the pregnancy weight, so I was a little bit fat too. I wonder if getting me for a match was demoralizing or anyone ever asked for their money back. Hahahaa. Anyway, Christa was glad to have the information on me, saying it helped her figure me out better, and whoever else she passed the information on to was happy too, I'm sure.

At any rate, Michelle gave me a ton of pressure, telling me over and over that it was either getting my SON back, at any cost to my reputation and the fact this whole thing was illegal and that I'd be discredited forever. She told me to "trust them", the same liars who lied about me to Canada and everyone else, and here is Michelle saying this, the same liar who got on the stand and mocked me and claimed there was something wrong with me for going to ER or clinics because of damages or illnesses me and my son had after childbirth. The same woman who totally lied about me and mocked me, tells me to trust her. Right.

She basically told me it was either fighting for my civil rights and justice and holding people accountable for CRIME, or getting my son. She made no bones about it. Basically--she told me to choose between my son and having my name cleared, which would be the only way to help my son in the long run.

They want me to take their "plea bargain" and they're suddenly willing to put all this money into me when they weren't before.

If I had done what Wenatchee CPS wanted and told me to do at first, to go to Wenatchee after Canada, I would have ended up in a psych ward and with a schizo diagnosis. Since I've had time, I've been able to obtain more proof that I did and do have actually physical injuries, which they discriminated against me for.

Michelle mocked me again, saying I had been saying I was going to sue because of the violations of law, for almost a year, and she mocked me, saying I was going to lose my son if I didn't drop my battle for the truth.

My son needs me. He needs ME. But I also know exactly what happened to me and my son, and my son would want me to avenge him for what was done. I am not going to allow people to use my son as a bribe to drop my complaints of crime and obstruction of justice. My son has been damaged by CPS and their actions and all Michelle wanted to do was defend against this.

I offered them everything before they took my son. I told them I wanted to do a chemical dependency evaluation to prove I was not "drug seeking" as doctors in Wenatchee lied about, and which the FBI even tried to accuse me of, after I reported THEIR guys for sexually assaulting me and asking me if I had any "reefer". I offered the Abbey a psych eval and polygraph, to prove I was telling the truth about their monks, and I did the same with the FBI. Funny how no one wanted to take me up on my offer, but after they harm me and my son, they use other people to try to get what they want, at a time when they think they can finally screw me over on it.

I never promised Michelle, or anyone from CPS, WHEN I would sue. I only said I was going to sue. And that, is a promise. If they don't believe me, they SHOULD talk to John Kaempf and Dick Whittemore and ask them what their opinion is.

I will be suing the shit out of some people and it's just a matter of time. And unfortunately, anyone who attempts to adopt my son out from under me, is going to pay a shitload for a defense attorney, because I do not give up.

Everybody knows that. I don't give up.

You can either do this the easy way or the hard way. I am inflexible at this point, regarding ethics. I will not be bribed, threatened, or intimidated. I will continue the course I began.

If that means I lose my son temporarily, because I have to fight for him the hard way, I am at peace with that. No one has robbed me of my peace or my resolve. Like I said, it is only a matter of time.

I will not be working for any part of the U.S. government in the meantime. Not after what they have allowed to happen. Not after I see how many cowards run the justice system.

I am not abandoning my son in any way, and I am not being "uncooperative". I have every intention of working with CPS to get my son back. But right now, they don't know what that is going to look like, and frankly, I'm not at liberty to tell.