More About Chris Dabney

I have decided to write more about what the context of this relationship was and about the things he said to me and comments he made, and some of the mind games. When I'm dosed up on painkillers, I want to forgive him and forget, because there is always a soft part to me, that can try to hide someone's wrongdoing from even myself.

For example, I refused to reveal and admit to abuse by my parents, for decades. Something was wrong with how Dabney had so much information on me when he didn't know me well enough. I really ended up liking him, against my expectations, because I had thought to myself, he was just a fling to me, but I ended up caring for him much more than that. Which makes me want to justify things he said and did, but because of all the crap I've been through, I think it is best that it's in the open, because if he WAS with some intelligence or police group, it's an issue, because he only would have received the information about me from them. Like I've said, the only groups who had the same information he had referred to, were the catholic church group and then the FBI and I don't even think another police agency unless the FBI shared stuff, or I was under surveillance by another group. Maybe the CIA or military if the FBI shares with CIA or if the military was involved at all, because of my claims of EMF or radiation at the time.

So for these reasons, I'm going to write about some things. Not everything, but enough. I can admit to myself, I was close to falling for him even though it seemed to be nothing to him. Sometimes, I think he tried to stop himself and catch himself, because he was falling for me. But then I think I must be wrong. There is nothing wrong with admitting to actually caring for him and even wishing I could be with him now, but realizing there were some things that were way off-balance and something may have been even more wrong than I was picking up on.

When I reported Raul Bujanda for what he'd done, I had been interested in him before, but not after what he did. I still felt sorry for him, though, which may have seemed odd, but I think even my enemies know they've been able to prey upon my soft heart. I still reported Bujanda and had never even had time to "fall" for him. What he and Garza did was crime, but I didn't know it fit statutes for crime until later, but the FBI knew and obstructed justice along with Portland police.

As for Dabney, I very strongly suspect he is or was involved in some kind of intelligence. If it is FBI it would be especially worrisome given the information he had on me. It would make it even more likely he was playing a major mind game. But if I ever fell for anyone, I fell for Dabney, against all reason, but I loved him, even the way he was, and I was beginning to fall in love with him. I cut myself off from falling any farther when I got pregnant, because of warning signs, which were magnified and started making more sense to me.

But I am able to say, that although he had a lot of faults, and may have even been trying to harm me and mess with me intentionally, I innocently and against all reason, sort of fell for him. I do not think it was completely unreciprocated, but there was something else going on with him. I was mean in the end, to protect my babies, but it doesn't matter. What matters is if something WAS really wrong, and I think it's important to note, AND to note, for the record, that I was never in love with Bujanda or any of these other men I reported. I had been interested in Bujanda, but not after what he did.

The only one I had any growing off-on again interest in, was Dabney. He was probably the first person I unexpectedly found myself turned off by, and then turning to once again, in a more connected way, out of anyone in my life. Which is very, very, odd to me, it seems, but I thought something underneath it all, amounted to "special". That doesn't mean he "had me" though, even if I chose to be "faithful" to only him and to wait for him. It also doesn't mean he ever broke my heart because I was sufficiently guarded enough not to have my heart broken. I knew something was "up".