The Non-swinger's Guidelines on Swinging

I have to make this post before backing up to finish my ER post. I have come across a link for swingers which I guess someone in the house was interested in.

All this notice about swinging. It's like some kind of fad or something. My opinion, is that most people don't really "get" what swinging is. Maybe the rules have changed, but in order to distinguish a swinger from a non-swinger, these are my guidelines...

A "swinger" is NOT an excuse to be a cheater. Nice try guys and gals, but it doesn't count. A swinger isn't someone who is in a committed relationship who keeps his "swinging" or her "swinging" a secret. That's just plain old cheating.

A swinger is not a single person who just dates and screws a lot of people either. I don't know if some people think it's a fashionable upgrade (or to some people, downgrade) to good old-fashioned dating and playing the game, but it's not. Being promiscuous is not the same as being a swinger.

A swinger, in my defition, or category, is someone who is in a committed relationship with ONE other or maybe multiple others, who all know they are in a committed type of relationship, whether it's two of them or three of them or four. But the committment thing is a requirement. Also required, is full honesty. A swinger is honest with their partner about swinging and their partner agrees and is okay with it, whether they are personally a swinger or not, if they allow their partner to swing, they could be deemed an enabling swinger by proxy I think.

A swinger is honest with the other, "new" people who are brought into the little swinging relationship. A swinger doesn't have a partnership with someone and then bring unsuspecting, unknowing people into it, who think one or both individuals is single and uncommitted and a potential longer-term partner. A swinger doesn't "hunt" for people to screw on the side with just the consent and agreement of their partner, they are honest and open with all parties, period. Anything less is totally unethical.

If a swinger wants to be with someone who is NOT known to be a swinger, they should state their orientation and make sure it is okay with the person from the start. If the non-swinger doesn't want to go that way, at least they had a choice and were made aware of the circumstances. If the person DOES want to try something new, that's their choice and up to them--I'm sure there are a lot of people who WOULD be into trying it out (I am NOT one of them).

Hiding a swinging lifestyle or orientation from someone who isn't into the lifestyle is completely dishonest, unethical, and potentially grounds for a lawsuit. I'm not even kidding. It's like fraud and comes with sexual risks and health risks many people would not be willing to accept.

Swinging can be between any type of committed partnership, but I see some kind of complicity as key, and honesty is always foremost.

There are tons of new swinging clubs (which I've heard plenty about) and groups and people all around who do this and are into it, and it's increasing in popularity I think, as is group sex and a number of other things.

If you are a swinger, don't even think about bringing someone unsuspecting into your game, because in one way or the other, you will be screwed (not in a good way) in the end. It's dishonest, immoral, and unethical, and if that person ever gets an STD from you, there are major grounds for a lawsuit. Not to mentioned how you might be reamed on a public blog about your activities and dishonesty.

Happy hunting. Leave me on the other side.

Also, not to be confused. If you're in a relationship and your other doesn't tell you they're sleeping with someone else, that's cheating, oh, I said that already huh. Anyway, if you're given to promiscuity and it isn't going to change, or you're a swinger and that's not going to change, you shouldn't fool yourself or anyone else into thinking you're the marrying kind, for a monogamous marriage that is. The only marriage that will ever work is one where the other person is okay with an "open marriage" or your swinging. I wouldn't even think you can "do" monogamy unless you've made a good effort at it for about a year, and counseling in the meantime to make sure that's what you want, and if it is, to keep you on track until other impulses are curbed.

I'm sure there are people who are willing to be with a recovering swinger, or cheater, but it's not like it's not going to take a lot of work and understanding from the very start. The person has to love you for who you are, and accept you for you, but also be willing to deal with an aspect that is hurtful to them personally, and see if it's going to work or not.

I don't know. I haven't heard of reformed swingers. Is there such a thing? If so, write a comment and let us all know if there's any going back, once you've gone so far.