Dept. of State Man is Sad (i think)

Won't say his name but first I noticed his book because I'm interested in the French Revolution. I wrote down the name of the author into my little notebook. Well, and I noticed him when he walked in.

As he was walking out, I kept thinking he had to be some kind of intelligence. I knew government, which isn't an incredible guess to make in this town, but I was thinking FBI. I was thinking FBI but I didn't know and didn't want to make a wild & weird guess, to a stranger, so I just asked if he worked for the government first.

He said yes and then I asked who for and he said the Dept. of State and said it was for educaitonal and cultural affairs.

Of course, since I had already got the idea he was perhaps intelligence for the U.S., and then he said Dept. of State, I thought, "Oh, not FBI. CIA."

I'm sure he's one or the other. I really thought FBI at first though for some reason. When he began speaking, he reminded me much of the French professor from Wenatchee, Washington that I knew. Speech, and cadence, and, I don't know, even tone of voice sort of and mannerisms. I only talked with him for about 5 minutes. He sat in the back so I didn't have a chance to observe him either. He kind of reminds me of a personality cross between the French professor from Wenatchee, Rick Baken, and...I think that's it. He's not as fast of a talker as Rick. He's a lot like the French professor guy, who was doing interviews of the Dalai Lama (and other dudes).

But I think I was meant to run into him. Because...Well, as it turns out, the Dept. of State puts on music and literary events in other countries and maybe even here. So it SOUNDED like the sort of thing I was describing a few weeks ago, about getting involved in.

You know, getting peopole from all arond the world involved in music in some way, and putting on performances. I won't be able to do it until I have my son with me and that matter is resolved, but even my son would LOVE something like this.

I asked him if it was strictly educational, because I was a little surprised it was an educational department that put this sort of thing on as I would think ed. is more language exchanges. But, he said, vocal and music performances are a part of the programs. He said there are grants available. I don't know what kind of grants. I am certaintly not a one-woman show. I would be more interested in organizing people together and helping the musicians set their stuff up, and I sort of understand what is needed, in geenral. I mean, I've lived with a musician almost my whole life (my dad).

At any rate, he pointed me torwards grants with the Dept. of State and then I thought I might try looking for some kind of WRITING grant somewhere next. If I could get a grant to just polish some material and write a book, that would be great and writing is one thing, along with music, that I could imagine doing everyday.

What's weird is that I was telling this other guy, who was behind the counter, that I didn't know about putting a passion into a "job". I think that sort of thing will either "WORK" or it just KILLS the whole creativity and creative process.

There goes another spy down the drain.

Darn. I kill them all off with my super power vision.

Hahahaaaa! (sniff, sniff, sniff)

My other impression about this guy, whoever he was (didn't ask for his name) is that he possibly is familiar with who I am. Because when I asked about a grant for writing, he could barely keep himself from laughing out loud. Quite possibly, he is aware that I write like a manic and was amused by the idea I could be interested in getting a grant for this.

Something seemed a little "off", not in a bad way, about him. Not like HE is "off" but there is something sad. I noticed this. When I was talking with him, I felt a sadness vibe. I think something has happened to him or not happened to him that's left him sad and...? When he left, I felt the sadness and sort of heaviness vibe but I don't know why.

I still feel it but I don't know if it's still connected to him or someone else. In a lot of ways I don't know that I could be employed by the Dept. of State after all that's happened with the U.S. and their inability to hold their people and organizations accountable for their own shit.

This man had a laid back, sort of mellow, personality and wy of speaking, but even though he smiled, soemthing didn't seem to be okay with him. For one thing, he seemed slightly tired, just a little bit, but it was something else besides that. Nothing he said would indicate he's sad at all...but...let me think for a minute, if I could put a better finger on it...

The first thing that comes to mind is that he's lost someone close to him. But why would I think that?

I want to say there was some kind of landslide but I don't know what that means, whether it's literal or figurative. The song by Stevie Nicks comes to mind.

I also noticed he put on his sunglasses when I was talking to him. It wasn't that bright and sunny and he didn't need his sunglasses but he was trying to end the conversation more quickly or hide his eyes.

Peanuts.

This other guy just walked by, with a yellow shirt on and it reminded me, when I was thinking for a moment about the Dept. of State dude, that I saw the color yellow for a minute, very bright, before this other guy in the yellow shirt came into the cafe, and it made me think there were brighter days ahead for the first Dept. of State guy. Like, something better is going to come along and he has brighter days ahead. None of this makes any sense whatsoever, put together like this, but also, that bad or sad vibe is gone now. As of 7:15 p.m., the heaviness or sad vib e is gone. It was there from the time I met the Dept. of State guy until he left, esp. and now it's not there anymore and there is a positive and very comfortable and warm feeling.

Something is going to get through.

Whatever that means, I don't even know. But I know something is going to make it and get through, or some meaning or message or point will get through.

Cafe is closing. Going to dinner with Exxon, or something. He says I invited him and so I'm paying. I said, "Okay then, that will be one tco for us to split and we'll have to eat baskets of tortilla chips at a time first, to fill up."