wow. good job me. & on BAD VIBE today!

okay. yes. forgive me. i've had my other glass of chardonnay. but i reread my last "image" and thought, "huh! wow! good job YOU!" then i paused and thought..."Hmmm...interesting concept there. wow. never thought of it like that!"

all this symbolism i didn't even plan, just jumping out and off of the page. i think it must have been inspired because i'm just a crazy clown. right?

i mean, especially the ending. amazing. if i do say so myself. fucking beautiful. the part about the palms out flat, and how that transposes to an urn or shape of an urn and then how the "cameo" is coming out from the fore of the black urn in the background gestalt style. i mean, profiles on either side of the urn. deep. really, shit faced dEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. wow. huh. look at me everybody. i guess there is something between my ears afterall darnit.

i guess there were two different angels on my shoulder, right and left, this morning when i first awoke. i'm analyzing my own subconscious...this is very, very,...(interesting? shhhhh....i think maybe "interesting") ahem! uncanny.

yeah, well i need to come up with some really cool reason for coming up with that whole idea. i guess it was the flatliner thing. a black cat reached out a paw and purred into my ear as i was writing. thanks everybody for helping me out on that one. i kinda like it like a self portrait.

the rest, the rest of that image, rest assured, is doubly inspired as well and is meant for someone or some others besides me.

i heard this song with some kind of chorus about "to make you feel my love" (there's nothing i wouldn't do).

it's funny because i really feel loved late tonight. good energy. but for the first time since i've been over here, i got the really BAD feeling. a very heavy, and sad, sad, feeling. this deep heavy energy. and i was right there with my son and we were having fun and i enjoyed every minute so i realized, i think this "feeling" is in regard to some other thing. who knows. maybe sometimes i feel it for my son if he's hurt or upset and don't know. but i felt it for someone this morning, about a quarter or halfway into my visit with my son and it had nothing to do with "us" (my son or i).

i sensed something was going on, on a pyschic level, somehow but it wasn't me and it wasn't my son at all. seriously, we were having a really good time. there was something going on and i don't know if it came into town, or was a sadness or empathy i felt for someone else who felt it for me and my son, or some other thing. i don't know. but the first time i noticed it was today and then it resolved sometime after our visit. i speak about these things in more of an intuitive or spiritual overtone. it has nothing to do with my "mood" or myself. it's different. someone who is catholic or christian or jewish or muslim or a witch or into alternative stuff could say they noticed the same thing and in the framework of "religion" it's accepted. but if i say such things outside of a religious framework, it's weird. i do think sometimes it must be connected to god and something that's going on with someone else. that i might feel the suffering or heaviness of someone else or intuit something bad is about to happen or someone is in pain. i do think it's something to do with someone or something else. definitely. but i found out, i think, i know now, it's not my fiance and it's not my son. i might be getting this from someone else or, it could be some other comibination. but i've felt it before when i was with my fiance and everything was fine with us and then i wondered if it concerned my son, but no, now i don't think so. this is something else. or someone else who might care about me or not care about me but has an interest in me? or some world effect intuitive thing? of basic energy flow? who knows. i wonder. maybe someone else has an idea. i did feel it, after hearing a colbie callait song and then a song from the 80s, "don't you want me" (i was working as a waitress at a cocktail bar/that much is true)...and it made me think about someone but then i forgot about it. so i was playing with my son and this vibe crept up. so so weird.