Missed Dancing & Exxon's Goals

There was a jazz band playing at a place last night but I was so tired I went back to the hotel to take a nap. I was planning to try out a dance club in town but I didn't make it out of bed. My fiance called at 12, midnight his time, and I barely heard the phone ring and didn't get up I was so exhausted. It was nine over here but I'm still on East Coast time. Then I woke up and had this sore throat and I hope I'm not coming down with something.

I just called Exxon and he picked up. He's at work right now. He was totally okay with my idea of going out to dance last night. In some ways he's a little controlling, and in other ways, well, he already knows how I am and his friends have probably already tested me: I am extremely loyal. I could go out and have a drink and flirt all night, but I only need one person to 'go home to'. Even if I kissed someone a little, he wouldn't mind. Which I've done once or twice but I've never taken it beyond that. With the last guy I was "with" and whom I really fell for, even though I was with him in a sporadic way, I was only with HIM and loyal to him the whole time. He didn't even know. He saw me flirting with all these guys and being walked or driven home, and thought I was with others but I never was. Once I decided I liked him, I waited for him. I would have waited a long time for him. I don't know...the spiderman-spiderwoman thing was a little too much for me, especially when she was all over my ass torwards the end. And then all the weird stuff he said to me? I don't know. I still know what I saw in his eyes. I have never seen that before, with anyone in my entire life. Never. There was a lot that went unsaid and I will probably never know. I know when I'm right and when something is completely true, even if it's an intuitive truth, and I am right about this. Maybe no one else would ever know or understand but I know he would and I know what I know, period.

It's probably really hard for immigrants in the U.S. Well, maybe it's better in some ways, in the long run, but it would be difficult. I felt immersed in Spanish when I was there and it's exhausting to try to learn a whole new language, and it's hard to start over too, especially when you've been a professional in your own country.

Exxon has a degree in architecture and did that kind of work in Colombia, and he owned his own construction company too, but the economy is slower now and he really wants to work in the U.S. I questioned him about why he wants to be in the U.S. and it's mainly financial I think. He originally had a girlfriend he was in love with too, but that's over. He says it's easier to make money, faster, in the U.S. When he talks about U.S. "opportunities" he always sounds way more optimistic than I am. He says, "In the U.S., if you work hard, you can get ahead." Honestly, that seems right in theory but it's really not always true in practice. Some people work VERY hard, all their lives, and they barely inch forward, or can hardly get from check to check, AND if you have any kind of medical or legal obstacle, or enemies, forget it. Your opportunities here are no better than they are anywhere else.

Exxon is very patriotic for Colombia. His daughter goes to a private school where they embrace all things Colombia first. He says it's sort of an indoctrination to that culture and customs, and their emphasis is that one should be proud to be a Colombian. He said it's bilingual but they want the students to have a good understanding of Spanish before learning English and they start lessons in English at age 11. That's the only part that sounds different to me, because as far as I know, language acquisition is way more difficult after puberty hits. They say (the experts) that to get a good grip on pronunciation and other aspects of another language, it's best to begin before puberty because something seriously happens to the brain with the influx of new hormones. But there's something to be said, too, for knowing your own language really well and concentrating on this and then just picking up another language as a second.