Energy

The energy was a little bit sad or different, but my son looked like he was in good condition except for his eyes still bothering. He kept rubbing his eyes. I said hello at a homeless shelter club I've gone to several times, and got coffee, and then went back to detail my visit. I sense a really powerful energy, good energy.

Some people said they'd be praying for me, at a coffee shop, and I have some things I can get done today as well.

The energy is so strong, positive I think, that I can't really focus right now. I will have to detail the visit in awhile I think.

Someone told me this morning, while claiming he was Swedish when he came across as pretty much Italian, well, he was encouraing but he said something about how he got respect but respect doesn't make money. I thought about that. I need money, but more than money, I want to be someone worthy of respect. He wasn't saying he didn't value respect and it wasn't said to me, in general, but I thought about it, for myself, as I was walking to my visit with my son. Well, I take that back. I want money AND respect!

It was fun to talk to him though. We talked about writing.
I just want my son and a simple kind of work is okay with me.
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This energy is so extremely strong. Either something is right or something is really wrong and someone knows and they are praying and their prayers are powerful. It's 1:07 p.m.
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I don't know why, but for the last half hour I have sensed sadness. Really heavy, sadness. I don't know why. It's 2:30 p.m. I am so glad and so fortunate and so happy to be moving into housing. I am signing papers today to get into an apartment so this is all very good. I don't know why, then, I feel this deep heavy sadness. I feel like maybe my son is unhappy? or is it something else I don't know about?
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3:10 p.m. It sort of improved after I wrote this, flashes of good energy coming through. I signed the papers but I know there is something significant in my life or with my son? or something that someone else maybe picked up on. Even now, I think something is really conflicted. I don't know what it is but I know I must protect myself and be cautious in every way, and also be open to what God wants to do.

I also have to be keeping an eye open for something else because he's planning to put his house on the market in a short time. So I have to keep my eyes open for something else but hopefully I will have a reference out of it. I have to find something where I might sign a 6 month lease but this is good for now.

But I feel like I am still waiting for something. I don't know what it is but if I ever find out this feeling is about someone in particular, I know that's the person I'm supposed to be with. If it's something else, I would say it's my son.

People have choices and anything is possible. That's what I think. And as soon as I write this, I feel the good energy again. 100% positive about it. I don't know, for sure, if I should even get all the furniture. I think it's something for the interim but I have to find something more permanent and I would feel better about it. I think it's kind of a short term fix.

I need to figure out how to get my son back. I don't have other options for housing right now, so this is good for now, but I know there is more and that I have to look for it. I have to be very careful with every decision that I make right now. I am thinking about my son and the most important thing to me is that I am free, in every way, to be who God wants me to be, and that I am not trapped by anything--also that my decisions are not negatively affecting those I love. I need financial independence and I don't know if it's even possible here?? On one hand, I need a ton of money, but on the other hand, all I really want to do right now is work in a preschool and have my son with me. I really just want to put my full attention and time into him and nurture him and have him happy. I want other things for myself too, but when he's in school, I feel then it's my time. When he's not in school, I feel it's my job to look out for him and attend to his needs and then when he's in school longer days, I could work during that time. Otherwise I would like to work with my son having access to me.

I'm thankful I'll have a little time to try to pull some things together, but I...I don't know.
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Actually, for all I know, I have 6 months there. He's not putting it up for a little while.
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energy has been strong today. At one point, not regarding a vibe, but I saw this guy in the bookstore and he didn't say a word but I somehow think I know he has an accent. Don't ask why. I just thought so. He wouldn't say a word.