Energy & Missed Kiss

I don't know if it's something my housemate is up to, if it's my son, or something about a post I just made and then took down, but I sense a very strange kind of energy. Sad and kind of heavy, but also really deep. Not so heavy as much as very deep. In a way, I don't know. Significant I guess but I don't know how.

As for my ex, one minute he acts like he's totally in love with me and wants to marry me and the next minute it's something completely different. Just up and down. I know it's been kind of interesting because whereas all these guys were hitting on me all the time in just the last week even, now they are all hands off as if they have some kind of respect. I am thinking "hmm. What happened last week?"

The same guy that was trying to get close, and wanted to give me work, and was brushing his teeth in the middle of a movie, suddenly clams up and says he can't kiss me because he thinks of his Dad and it wouldn't be respectful. I tried to get someone to kiss me, just a kiss, and he sure wanted to last week! and this time it was like...

I said, "What? now you can't kiss me?" He said it "wouldn't be right". I said, "What do you meeeaaan 'it wouldn't be right'?" and I said, "Why? What am I, a guinea pig in some psychic experiment and you can't cross the line?" and he said no. He said he thought about his Dad. He sure wasn't thinking of "daddy" last week. I said, "Daddy? Now you see, 'Daddy' shouldn't come into this. You put 'Daddy' in a corner over here, and get on with your life." I told him he shouldn't be thinking about daddy if it only comes to a kiss. I told him I had said I would kiss him, and not barely even that, and certaintly no more than that. THEN, of ALL things, he says, "You're too old."

I think I cracked up laughing. I aged in a week. Even though I was just as old last week and he knew it. So I said, "Well I can't remember how old you are. How old are you?" and he said "29". I thought to myself, back at my own house, "Remember, it's Wenatchee."

So he was saying this about daddy and that about my age and finally I said, "Okay fine, I'll just keeping running in my little hamster wheel" and he cracked up laughing. I think I called it my guinea pig wheel first and then I was calling it my hamster cage. I made this little motion with my index fingers, like I was running in a little wheel.

But it was right. I had been sitting there, thinking to myself the whole time "I already know I'm not interested. So why am I thinking about even kissing him. Do I really WANT to kiss him? No, not really. So is it because I had 2 beers? Hmm, maybe, but last time I had gin & tonic and didn't want to do a thing and I told him I never would and that when I knew, once I knew, I knew. So why??? Well, he can't get over his girlfriend. Maybe it would be a charitable thing to do. One kiss." So I reluctantly ask him and was surprised to find myself being turned down!

Yes, I AM waiting until I'm in love to be with someone intimately and even make out. But I had been thinking one small kiss probably wouldn't hurt anybody. Maybe he turned me down because HE hadn't been drinking. That would be a first.

But then I thought, hey, maybe it's just fate. Even my ex doesn't want to touch me now. It's like, "presto", insta-respect for my future man who is going to be, poor thing, beat up by the time we're together, for making me wait so long. I don't know who it is. Maybe it's even my ex? No, I really don't know. But anyway, yeah, even a kiss didn't seem right somehow so I'm glad there was nothing.

Hats off to his "Daddy".

Oh, and I only brought up the psychic thing to him because I saw his shirt. I told him that word had come to my mind one hour earlier so I was joking with him that I was in the middle of some kind of psychic experiment. The word on his shirt was "lucky". He wasn't going to get lucky, per se, but I thought, I could do so much as to give him one lucky kiss. I think about it now and can't imagine. I asked him why the cooler teas (they weren't really beer) were hitting me harder than the gin & tonic the other night.

So I went back to my house, and grumbled out loud, "too OLD!" hhmmmmph! Where the hell am I, anyway? munchkinland? My second thought was "Wow. I guess I really need to quit smoking." My third thought was "Aunt Glenna married someone 10 years younger in Canada and they're still happily married!" No, i wasn't thinking marriage but just about this "too old" business, which is garbage, especially considering the kind of technology out there. After maybe several thousand, I would be a knock out (I say to myself reassuringly).

Anyway, it's better because I really don't feel like even kissing anyone unless it's right. The last person who wanted to kiss me I wouldn't allow, saying, "No, you'll never get over me if you do." He laughed saying, what did I have some kind of magic kiss and I said, "Men who haven't really wanted to fall for me, do, after they kiss me and I think you don't really want that." Which is why, I suppose, I am so sure this other guy could have gotten over his doldrums about his ex if he kissed me once and that was it. But he said he wanted to process things naturally and not "rebound". I was like, "This isn't him. This must be his twin because LAST week..."

Glad for the respect though. Good progress on the whole, for mankind in general.
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Vibe was okay today, pretty constant. Then down a little bit and now, since about 7:20 p.m., seems very strong. Like a switch. Hopefully it's not bc something bad is happening and rather, that something good is going on or people are praying.
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So anyway, i should clarify that when I first got the word "lucky", it just entered into my mind thinking about something else, but it was maybe an hour earlier and it also had to do with some other guy. Then, I so happened to see the same word on this guy's shirt. It was a total coincidence and I told him so but I joked around about it.