Sleep & Dream & No Anonymity

I slept last night. I had fun joking around on a chatroom but what was really disturbing was that I entered a brand new name and password and my profile was totally anonymous and yet people in the room knew who I was. One woman kept badgering me. So, how they knew, I don't know, but they did, all the way to the fact that I am from Wenatchee. A few made other references as well, which were specific and intended for me. I was polite anyway, despite this. There were others who I enjoyed talking with and even those who may think they know me, maybe would ease up to know I am just a regular, friendly person who enjoys reparte.

It bothers me that I cannot even go to a chat room, without people already being there who are waiting. I don't even know how it's possible, unless someone is doing some fast hacking.

It did bother me though. It's a loss when one cannot even go into a chatroom to be discreet and just have fun without, hopefully, being identified. I enjoyed some of it though. Had a lot of laughs actually. It was fun.

I fell fast asleep and didn't wake until about 6:00 a.m. and then didn't get up 'til later. Sort of a heavy feeling when I woke but dissipated entirely. Then, I started feeling it again when I got online. Otherwise, felt very good today. I cried a little bit, but I still feel there are a few good things that are happening. I'm very thankful for my new job and housing and anything else that's good coming my way. I continue to feel that while a few bad things are planned by some, there is a very strong and positive undercurrent.
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Had a very long dream about my son last night. My son and some man with a UK sticker on his guitar case. It was so long and detailed and then I woke and almost lost it, forgetting, but tried to think of it and I do remember parts.

I don't think the UK man, or man with a UK sticker on his guitar case, was one of the royalty so it was just random. But it was a very interesting dream. I don't know who he was. Maybe just a form for someone else or someone different entirely. But there was no mistaking the sticker. It was the only one I saw on the case so I remember it and it wasn't really big, smaller, and on the side of the case I think.

So, going back to recall the dream...

After I have a smoke!

In my dream, it was wonderful, because I had my son back in my full custody. My son was really happy and it was a very long dream about all the things we were doing and playing with and then at some point, maybe we were in a house or another building for something, and this man came in and set his guitar. He wasn't someone I know from my past but was taller and not thin but not stocky either. Sort of average build, healthy, and good looking but I don't remember the face at all. The impression I had was that this was a good man, and we were friends if not together or meeting for some way, but I couldn't tell what the relationship was. My impression was that he was English, from the UK or a citizen of UK, or worked for them. It was a hardback case and I think black, sort of like one I used to have I believe. I guess, since it was just a dream, I could elaborate...He had hair that was sort of longer but not long, short and between 25-45 years perhaps, and physique maybe like that of Di's brother Charles, but I only say that because I'm trying to think of something or someone to compare to and he comes to mind. But I think the hair was a plain light brown color (with reddish or gold highlights?), but not sure. Mainly, I remember height and weight approximately and the case with the sticker. Maybe it was a form for someone else though, because I didn't know him in the dream, or rather, he was new to me.

Then I was with just my son again, we were visiting somewhere, I think my aunt's house and we were going to have lunch so, for whatever reason, I put my son in this seat but it wasn't a sit-up seat, it was like a carseat sort of, and my son began to cry, like he had been put in this seat for long periods of time and it brought back bad memories for him (I never did this with my son). So I became alarmed and took him out and then I wondered why I'd put him in this seat anyway when he was old enough to sit up in a chair at the table with me. I woke up. It was like, he was back with me and very happy, but had some bad memories from being separated from me. It was like, in the dream, I knew we were going to be fine and very happy and everything would be okay but there was some healing to happen and I had to be careful not to do anything to remind him of sad times. So it really wasn't a bad dream, it was good. There was a little bit of a sadness to it, but still hope.
It was basically that we were extremely happy again, to be together, but I recognized he'd been through a lot, either at someone's house or daycare or something. In general, he seemed to be fine. He just had some memories which were traumatic for him. But overall, it felt like a dream that lasted 2 hours or so, it was very long and I just played with my son the whole time, and we went about things and we were very happy.
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Later this morning, I was in a chat and enjoying learning about something new but felt a twinge of sadness from somewhere, but I feel better, generally.

Update: things seem to be better. I laughed my head off with a woman who's in Germany right now and her friends. Just funny stuff, about potatoes. Cracked me up.

I'm going to my volunteer meeting about peace and economic and environmental sustainability stuff in just a few minutes and I'm looking forward to this.

I have thanks to give, to many people. Thank you. Thank you so much to those who I don't even know, who are trying to help and are giving me a chance. Thank you, from my heart and the heart of my son. I really hope that I am able to do a lot of good, sometime in my life, for a lot of people. And to my family, even when there are problems, I love you. Oliver loves you and I wouldn't do anything to harm him even if some of have disagreements, which means my intention is not to take him and keep him from you. I feel he is best knowing people do not just disappear and I would be more than happy to make any accomodations that I can, so communication is kept up.
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This morning I had sort of an idea to write not just about Di but maybe something about hugging or affection and confidence as a method of correction for children, but I need to think about it more and research more and also figure out the impact of then integrating this in the real world, which is harsh...to help kids to be prepared for the hard aspects of life, but also, I don't know...you know. I want to do more reading on this and try a few things and maybe write about it one day.
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feel a little bit sad right now, or that slightly hmmm energy, but it's not really sad or heavy, just kind of intermediate right now.
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Also! in addition to my new preschool venture, which begins Tuesday, I have another opportunity beginning this week. So I'm thankful, so thankful for this.
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Went to the meeting for the peace and sustainability discussions. Unfortunately, I didn't map it very well and we got there late. I missed a lot of things but it was still good to go. They talked about moving the meetings to a larger venue but it's nice at a house so I think they'll keep it there. Anyone is free to go. I missed one woman, and looked for her, who wrote a book and had a broken arm and hope to see her again next time. The part that I was able to hear about, which I made note of and want to look up myself, was about the Bhutan Index and this is sort of like the GNP or world factbook index idea but it measures "happiness" and some countries are adopting this as part of their stats on where they're at. I think it's interesting so I wrote it down and will look it up.

I came in at the part where they talked about Obama and the news about the surge. They're not in favor, and then joked that the room was probably bugged to make sure it's not communist or something. I piped up saying, "No, no need for bugs, we've got an informant." Everyone laughed and said, "Yeah, wires" and then it got quiet. I looked around the room...hmmm...who would it BE? if there was one? Just kidding. (Professor Plum with the hearing aid?)

I took away with me the following articles:
1. Spotlight: The Climate E-mail Controversy (something about the emails stolen from Britian's U of E. Anglia regarding global warming and so many were stolen it's disrupting the Copenhagen summit.) From Time Magazine, December 21, 2009.
2. In The News: Aerosols Cloud Climate Picture. Article about pollution from aerosols. Science News.
3. Strinking The War On Terrorism. Time, Dec. 14, 2009.
4. Debt, Greed, and Human Avarice. A sheet of statistics on national debt and who controls the wealth of the nation and such.

I was glad I at least got some articles to take with me and read, but I enjoyed the short time I was there and it's nice to sit in a circle and talk about things, whether I agree with everything said or not, it's a well-read and sometimes witty group.

Oh, it's called, according to my notes: Bhutan's Happiness Index. At least 200 countries are now using this to measure the health of their countries. I sort of like the idea. I mean, maybe it's kind of subjective and ones idea of happiness may be misery for another, but still, interesting at least.