Visit With My Son

I so enjoyed this visit but I felt bad for my son too. He acted out a lot more than usual and there was another woman there who didn't really get to see what he's usually like. It's like he has a horrible week right before there is a parenting evaluator or another person in the room. I really felt for him. It makes me very determined to get him back.

He said when I asked him why he'd been crying, he didn't answer and I asked if he'd been playing with kids and he said no, and said, "Mama, I want to TALK to you." He told ME he wanted to talk to me, out of the blue. I don't know what I can do about it. I assumed he meant over the telephone and I asked and he said yes. I had left a couple of VM messages for him to let him know I was thinking of him and he was teling me today he wants to talk to me but he's basically been blocked from it by the state and he isn't allowed to talk to me when he wants to. But he expressed what he wanted.

He had circles under his eyes like he'd had a bad few days and had been crying. Something really didn't go well in the last several days. I could see tear tracks on his face just form this morning and the monitors tried to brush it off but then I asked, knowing I would be "written up" for asking but he said it was because they hadn't let him watch cartoons. I don't know that this is the truth though. I don't know. He said P. wouldn't let him watch cartoons. He has also been referring to Pablo as "daddy" which I really do not appreciate and it shows that there are some in my family who do not want me to have my son back. Pablo is most certaintly not his "daddy". The other women didn't notice my son had been crying at all even though he was still sniffling and had a dried tear track on his face. Of course, I noticed. Nothing escapes me, especially with my son.

He also had issues with his eyes again and I made sure, since there was another woman there, that the monitor wrote it down. If that other woman hadn't been there, I don't know if she would have written it down. But I took the opportunity to make sure it was noted. The same eye was bothering him and then he touched it again later in an hour and then she said not to bring it up again. I told her I had NOT brought it up first...he was touching his eye on his own, with zero comment or prompting from me. Something looks wrong with his eyes too. I don't know what it is, but he looked tired and unhappy and worn and his eyes were bad.

This supposed "eye allergy" is NOT an "eye allergy" and my son needs an MRI. It's last straw and he needs an MRI and I am going to make sure my lawyer gets on this and puts out a motion to the Judge. I should add, to be very fair and correct, I do know that he spent all day in the orchard with Pablo one day or at least Pablo told me this and told me my son was in bed by 5:00 p.m. one night when I called. He said he'd fallen asleep on the couch after a day in the orchard. If it's true he was in the orchard all day, I don't know this is very good for him, because if the pesticides bother him, he's not wearing glasses or anything. But I thought, even if he's on Claritin, something isn't right and I think he needs to be checked out further. When I asked my son if he was out in the orchard with Pablo, my son said no, he didn't go out with him in the orchard that week. I think, most of the time, my son knows. If he'd been in the orchard, he remembers, however, maybe it was too far back for him to recall. I really think he needs further evaluation though.

My son's cuts on his fingers have gone unnoted by the monitor and state workers even though they read my blog and are supposed to watch out for him. The cuts were still noticeable and the skin was peeling back from the cuts.

I also feel my son is being coached on what to say at times. Some of the things he says...I've seen this with some of the kids in this town. Adults use kids to gt their messages across and why anyone would think it's appropriate to subject a child to this, is beyond me.

My son bit me, but in more of a reminscent baby day way when he was younger and would use his mouth to give kisses. But he did this and I reminded him his teeth were sharper and he couldn't do this, and he kicked at me but wasn't angry, just testing, and did other things too. He made a lot of beat box noises like someone had played the Prince Charles video of Charles breakdancing and my son kept making these noises, but he just didn't seem that happy doing it. Then he got on the floor and was doing this growling thing which was cute, but...my heart just went out to him because he's not okay. Hmmm, I should reword. Put together, that sounds really bad. There's nothing wrong with him mentally, but emotionally, I can tell he wants to be with his mother. He came after me with his teeth bared and I played along.

He needs more time with me and he visibly brightened to hear he had an extra hour with me on Wednesday. He was so happy and just brightened and looked at me. I saw that this new woman noticed this and I was glad about it.

There were other tender moments. The only books he wanted me to read to him were books I brought in, just two the entire time, and they are from when he was younger. Both with the artist Ana Juan. "The Night Eater" and "For You Are A Kenyan Child". He had me read them over and over and loved the artwork.

He really liked the Night Eater and talked about the chocolate sky. He turned the book around to look at the bat that was upside down. I read the other one and just thought "oh great, I know they won't like this" because the book talks about "for you are a kenyan child" and how this little boy eats a "sweet bug" and watches dung beetles rolling dung with their feet. I saw the pen flying there and looks exchanged and I just explained after the story was read, that this was the story about a boy from another culture and it was different from ours and we don't eat bugs but some people do. He nodded like he understood and he really liked this story too. I told him I'd ordered the Ana Juan book "Frida" and would bring this when it was in and I let him take the other books home--he really wanted to. Oh! He did want to read "Frosty The Snowman" again.

I'll back up and detail the visit in order, but I have a couple of things to do first. There was a good energy though, from this morning after I wrote my first post, until now even. I sense good energy and there wasn't a drop while I saw my son...I just noticed his eyes and he seemed sort of not himself. But he clearly enjoyed the visit and everything went well. The energy has been okay.