The Fun Of Chat Rooms

I haven't gone to a chatroom forever. Years and years. I had a little bit of harassment with one where everyone (not everyone but a significant few) already knew who I was and kept bringing up personal information. I tried going with a different name and it was a lot of the same. Some of the people were U.S. and some had signed in long ago, and I've had a lot who are welsh or describe themselves as such, I mean, for the proportion, going on.

Then I tried a different one, but too many questions and then I ended up in an adult chat which I thought just meant adult topics, not necessarily sex. This guy tried to talk to me and then said something about how a woman was going to be found dead at the bottom of a river in suitcase. I ignored it. Another time, someone claiming, in the psychic room, to be welsh, was telling me...I don't know, it was another dark matter, let's put it that way.

Most of the harassment, if there was any, came from NW. But a few randoms, like welsh supposedly. Another from Munich, Germany, who knew a few things about me that only my ex should have known so I have no idea where she got the info. She never harassed, but it was strange she should have this information.

I really don't know.

Why does anyone even care what I do or say? I don't get it. !!!

I also don't understand why this matter over my son is such a big deal. I mean, this shouldn't be the mess it is. It should be very easily resolved and simple. I can't imagine why all this energy has gone into lying and trying to keep my son from his mom. I truly don't know why. I also think about even lawsuits I've brought up or mentioned doing in the past, and people do this all the time, and it's not a big deal. I don't know why I'm such a big deal. Then, I don't know...I can't even get my car out of Canada, because some company just happened to buy the tow place and then change ownership and destroy records and no one knows who got my car???

Who the hell am I? I swear to God, I sometimes really do think my DNA should be analysed.

If a few people can somehow track which chats I go to, why? and then I wonder how many others get this honor. What if, say, a celebrity or someone famous goes to a chat? do they end up finding out people, a few, already seem to know who they are? I wish I had more people around who can relate to me because it's very hard to find friends here.

I've always had at least one very good, best girlfriend, and it's just that I've gotten older and most of the people I might know are married and occupied or I am not in the right place at the right time. The first time I felt like a few people understood or believed in me, even if they didn't necessarily like me, was when I was on the East Coast. There's not as much judgment and people have seen more and experienced a little bit more. I try to get to know people here and it's just rough. One guy told me if they were born and raised here, don't even try--he said it would be a total waste of my time. But I do try! and have tried! But I think he might be right. I think it's possible to make acquaintances and to have play dates here but that's about it.

Anyway, people here pretty much know I'm not nuts though. They talk with me or hear me speaking and they know. I noticed I have yet another convert...a believer in my ability to sometimes intuit someone is watching me. Most recently, it was D. and as soon as I turned, he'd turned quickly and was leaving, I think so I didn't know, but he knows now. I don't make up some of the quirky things. And anyway, it's not even that unusual, because most of us have done this...turned to find someone looking at us and somehow our subconscious "knew". It's just that I write about it or might bring it up and most people don't do that. But we all know it happens and is possible. It's just that for me, it happens a lot. And like I said, depending on my connection with the person, it might be at every turn.

I don't think I ask for too much. I ask for nothing except my son, and that's within reason and not a grandiose request.

I don't accept that there is something "better" or "different" for my life. I believe my greatest work has been with my son and this is what makes me happy. I've also done a lot of good for other kids in the past and been able to intuit what they need. I don't accept that there is some other plan for me, and even if there was, I don't want it. I've stated what my son's desires and needs are, and what I want, is to see him happy and not be abused and to be with his mother.

If anyone wants to continue making a big deal over this, there's something mentally wrong with them.

So, I've gone to a couple of chats to have conversation and some conversations have been great and I feel a few have looked out for me too, but there are some strange ones as well.

I have tried very hard to be friendly here, but as long as I'm here, I won't have friends. I might have acquaintances but I am accepting what this man told me, that I wouldn't be able to make a sincere, deep, connection with anyone here. So, face facts. I have faced the facts. I am happy and content enough to have my son back and to be working with people in a civil manner and that's all I ask for.