No...

Exxon called this morning. Just when I'm wondering why the hell I'm seeing Rocky and boxing gloves and hearing vampire insides, back at the house in Maryland, he brings up marriage again, an expedient marriage. I don't know what's going on, but I know how he left and all that I wrote before is true. He wanted me to take it down and I said no because it was true and if he had any explanation for all of this, to talk to someone who could translate for me exactly what's going on. Just when I am about to cut off everything and tell him not to call me again, ever, I second-guess myself and allow him the opportunity to explain himself. But he brings up marriage again.

I sort of miss Spiderman but that was a bunch of B.S. too.

I noticed last night, some protective police officers. Really going out of their way and i appreciated it. I think there are definitely some people that believe in me and what happened to me and my son now. Not everyone, but some. Everything I wrote about Exxon was true too, and I was held hostage with this money deal and put in a bad position and all these weird things were going on. If he has some explanation for it, I need to hear what that is if we're even going to continue to talk. Not only that, he came up with excuses again for not getting work over here or looking harder and for going to MD and he somehow got the money to fly back but didn't have the money for rent. He was going on and on about the social security number again and he didn't even try while he was here. He tried a little but not a lot and made it look like he was trying by going to all these state and federal offices where he KNEW he would be required to give a number. Yet he didn't want to stick around for an interview where my friend practically guaranteed him a job, without all the papers. He screwed around with me, and left behind his little notes and "signs" and only called after I wrote about having some money. So he knew I'd be back in MD for an eval and maybe that's what makes him nervous. He says I can stay with him when I go back and we can talk but I don't know what there is to talk about. He was winking with the state employees over here, and the one state attorney with the short brown hair seemed to know him and made overt flirtacious passes at him. She was wearing a wedding ring even. I didn't like her at all. She was one of the lawyers, and I don't know her name yet but I'll get it, who was laughing and rolling her eyes about other parents. Just seemed to have a selfish and sadistic streak. And I don't have that to say about all the state workers. Like I said, even though the white haired woman is wrong and has been misled, coming onto this case late, she doesn't display some of the outright harassing or condescending behavior that Michelle Erickson and others display. Erickson did her own smirking and winking with Exxon which just isn't good for him. I was being set up all the time when I was with him and he did what I said he did.

I felt depressed this morning. Taken advantage of and confused and just messed with, rightly. It's not good enough for him to play dumb. If he has an explanation,it needs to be a good one. I'm not going back to him and I don't want to be in communication with him at all, without this. I felt vulnerable after exposing what happened with him in MD and here. I felt like I needed more protection from police because of possible consequences...from good police. I seriously feel endangered because of talking about some of the things that happened.
He wanted to give me these little "messages" too, which he knew I'd catch onto, and then he calls acting like he's dumbfounded.

I asked him about the boxing glove and some other things and he acted like he didn't know about. But it was there, on the shelf, where everyone could see it, just ONE glove, and then it was gone. I mean, what's the point supposed to be? I suppose, even if he wre the translvania guy, or connected to him, that doesn't make him a good person. Having a title is not the same thing as...It's not a halo and there is no way he could be that guy bc that other guy went to an Ivy college in the states and knows English. So why the talk about blood and vampires and the glove? When I first met him he noticed and commented on the spot in my one eye, right off the bat, and then when my lip was bleeding, he said I had some blood on my lip and then he decided or made a point of wanting to suck it off. I mean, then he made some vampire references even and then there's Rocky and then that glove? I don't know, maybe the glove was just to symbolize Rocky? who put the fucking glove on the shelf in the bathroom and why? Too many things don't add up with him, like it's all been a mind game. If it's not, now is the time to come forth.

I'm just done with the lies. If there is a good reason for things, I need to hear what that is.

Last night this guy was dropped off at the hotel I was wi surfing at, by another guy who didn't look like he liked me. This other guy asked me if I'd give him a ride to his place because he couldn't catch a taxi and said he'd pay me $40. I asked how far and he made it sound like it was just around the corner. I ended up driving to the outskirts of town to a campsite. I don't think I will be doing that again. He was fine but I had a bad feeling about it, and considering all the things going on in my life, I shouldn't be playing good samaritan. I would never do this with my son with me of course, but anymore, I shouldn't do it at all, period. I was paid $40. The police saw me leaving with him and this is when they were all very protective. I didn't like how he left, thanking me and calling me "babe". I felt the "babe" thing was disrespectful. It reminded me of the Bryan guy in D.C. who is in real estate. And this guy was Jewish but he said he wasn't. He was. It doesn't matter one way or the other so why would he lie about it? he worked as a financial advisor he said. How do I know he's Jewish? It's not like you can stereotype, but he was so culturally Jewish it wasn't even disputable. My Jewish boss for ENNL, she and I have talked about identifiers, laughing, and she would understand.

I need something good in my life to happen. Something straightforward and open and not cloaked in mystery. I need positive things to happen right now. There is too much ambiguity and I'm tired of excitement and subterfuge. Right now, I just want normalcy. I want a normal life with good things happening at this moment, or an extraordinary life with good things happening and everything lining up. I don't need puzzles and riddles and hints and games right now. What you seeis what you get.