Here, at the bottom, you can see very plainly that my mother wrote to me, telling me she "okayed" the private attorney to REPRESENT ME at the Contested Sheltercare hearing. So, right here, is a 3rd promise that never came to fruition. I was made 3 promises so far, that were all backed out on:
From: cam huegenot (email@example.com)
Sent: Tue 3/11/08 5:48 PM
I know it sounds weird about the drugs and stuff, but mom, I'm not DOING drugs, I'm just learning about stuff and chalking it up to life experience and learning. It's part of being a writer, to want to know about these things and define what I've observed with the written word. Like I said before, it could be daisies they're smoking and totally legal, and I'd still be fascinated if there was a cult following. And I really can't help it if I'm attracted to someone who also happens to smoke. How can ANYONE help who they're attracted to? I'm not joining "the business" or dealing or even dabbling. I was just as fascinated, being around a group of hippies, who didn't have an illegal substance in sight. It's just people.
I would love to have this whole thing dismissed. If anything mom, maybe people can see that I'm honest. I'm honest with who I am and where I'm at, wherever that is. I feel God wants me to be honest and share that honesty and my experiences or express myself in my writing, and I do feel that writing is just a part of who I am and part of my "calling". I'm not saying it always is the best thing for my situation, and I've been misunderstood, but I have to believe that it's helping someone out there, or making someone laugh, or feel they can relate, and if not relate, learn, or even mock. I don't care even if people mock what I write. As for Oliver, I WOULD die for him and try to save him but at the same time, I think God wants us to be who we are fully. Part of who I am is a writer, of my experiences. I asked God in my 20s, or said, "If you want me to be a writer, give me something to write about." Well, my life certaintly hasn't been boring and I feel almost an obligation to make an account of it. I don't believe I am to share only the good but the bad, even if it may temporarily or even permanently make someone think less of me, for whatever reason. I feel I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
If someday people can respect me for this, and tolerate me, understanding why I'm writing what I do and why I am who I am, that would be great. I don't write about EVERYTHING I want to write about, if you can believe that. I AM somewhat selective and feel I should save some of the detail for a book, to be published. But I have to keep practicing. Use it or lose it.
I would be so relieved if they would just dismiss this whole thing. SOOOoooo relieved.
Oh, I got my medical records and need to sign the retainer for the lawyer. ANd I'm still in Wenatchee, at Holiday Lodge. GRandpa has my phone number so please call if you can and we can talk about other things.
Subject: Re: Hello?
Date: Mon, 10 Mar 2008 21:43:57 -0400
Hi. I don't know who would be able to give you a ride, or even for sure where your stuff is right now. I know they boxed it all up, put it 'in storage' and cleaned up your mess and rerented the house. I THINK most of the stuff is in boxes in a shed there at the orchard, but I'm not positive. Think Grandpa put the computer somewhere safer, but not certain on details. Did you still owe him money on the computer? I was under impression that you'd promised to pay him something to make up a difference in price?
As to making excuses for cps, I've basically said that IN SPITE of what you think of them, you can treat them with respect. You'll get farther with ANYone that way and in this case, I think it's 'required' if you care about getting Oliver back. At the very least, do it for self respect. You don't have to agree with someone or like someone to treat them politely or at minimum, respectfully.
I'm also in shock at what I've been reading on your blog and how you can possibly think that helps your situation? Associating with druggies, learning all about drugs and use thereof, being attracted to one of them....you really think that all makes you look like a 'good' responsible mother who would provide a good environment for a child? I've tried to warn you to "STOP" and you disregard it. Okay, then, make your own decisions, but you are going to be forced to deal with the results, and in this case that could possibly mean losing your child. IS it really THAT important for you to continue on? You say you " would be willing to die" for Oliver, and yet you can't 1) keep your mouth shut for him in spite of mine and attorney's and judges' advice or 2) humble yourself enough to treat CPS with respect. You can continue to 'do this your way', but you are going against advice of ALL who know the situation. Find me ONE attorney that says you are doing the right thing... There IS a 'very, very slight chance' according to Beaty, that the judge could dismiss the case entirely, in which case you would be awarded custody of Oliver again. BUT, if he doesn't do that, temporary custody with Holly will be ordered to Continue, and you will likely end up having to 'go through CPS's "hoops". Might as well start by showing some respect now. You don't have to like it or them, or agree with it or them in order to 'show' respect. If you want to raise Oliver and be his mother, you may have to make sacrifices....and that means not giving in to what you may WANT to do or think you should be able to do. Is it fair? Maybe not, but it's the way it is.
Anyhow...got your message on phone when I got home, so don't know if you made it to Wenatchee or not.
Hope you did. Let me know. Love, Mom
On Robert Beaty, I talked with him today and okayed him to represent you for the shelter care hearing. However, EVERYONE, including him, is very skeptical of getting change of venue. If there is not change of venue, I think it's totally impractical to try to use an attorney outside of that (wenatchee) area. I think that is why Belanger said to "get someone local". So, anyhow, we paid Beaty for representing you for this hearing, but not sure just where things will go from here; will have to talk with him more after outcome of the hearing.
Did you visit his secretary's church yet, or did you go somewhere else? Curious to know where you went this weekend and what you thought.