music today and plans

I'm still listening to Keith Urban. "Can't Stop Loving You". But isn't that a cover for another song? I can't remember.

At any rate, I'm in a much better mood today. I took a Xanax last night because I tried to fall asleep and couldn't, but I wasn't having bad thoughts or anything, I just couldn't sleep. So I think, since I'm not anxious, I just need sleeping pills for a little while.

I still have to buy them but will do so before tonight.

It is like a corner has been turned, for me emotionally. I feel so much better. I think I actually really made it through the grief stages. I'm proud of myself and sort of amazed, because while it was horrible, it was pretty quick. So much better to do it that way and get it over with, than to avoid things and suffer later.

And today is a beautiful day, weather-wise. My favorite kind of day: balmy, warm, and the sun is shining.

I did cry while hearing "Hallelujah" but it was a bittersweet crying. It sort of means something to me. I don't know why exactly.

I still prayed that I would know which country to go to, because although my emotions are better, this is not an emotional contemplation. I've felt forced to consider this for years now. At this point, I truly believe it is not possible for me to make a living in this country, or get ahead in any way. I have too many enemies causing problems, and I cannot believe the justice system is going to correct itself.

I actually have serious grounds for not just Section 1983, but probably a RICO case too, but how would I do that? I need money for a lawyer, or a lawyer to take me pro bono, and I don't see that happening.

What has happened to me and my son is completely illegal. I am determine to get the audio from the CD online.

I am going to make some country richer though, through my contributions, and I am determined to pack back, through my gifts, whichever place is going to help me get my son back.

I also have prayed God will bless that country, financially, and I'm no saint, but sometimes God hears prayers of even simple people, and when I prayed for my parents to prosper, they did, and I can affirm, all but ONE woman who I prayed for to find her soulmate and get married, got married within a year. I was invited to a lot of wedding showers. I always thought it was ironic that it seemed I could pray for other people and great things happened for them (which they told me about) but none of my prayers for myself ever went anywhere. And I HAVE prayed for myself and my son.

Urban's "Got It Right This Time". A good song but not my favorite. Sort of a wedding type song...I like the lyrics.

I'm researching stuff on sleepwalking. At least it's not a mental disorder. LOL.