Fed Up With Family (Jan. 7, 2008)

RE: explanation‏
From: cam huegenot (cameocares@live.com)
Sent: Mon 1/07/08 8:50 AM
To: dicksiedael@aol.com
This letter is for you and Dad.
It doesn't matter anymore. You showed me you do not love me when you left me and Oliver out here for weeks AGAIN and even when you KNEW I had to get to a new doctor and get my medication refilled. You just let it all run out. I told you how severe my pain is and you did NOTHING. And then you call you tell me you're fixing it and then take it back.

If you would allow me to go that long without prescriptions that I need and which have become part of my life and enable me to function AT ALL, you 1. Don't believe me at all that I have this pain, 2. Don't care, 3. Don't care about Oliver and how this affects him and has displaced him from all his healthy activities (he lost preschool and swimming and has seen ZERO kids out here), and these things combined, mean you DO NOT CARE.

There is NO WAY you can claim to care, and then do this.

Your ACTIONS tell the story. Actions speak louder than words. People do not just "let things happen" and allow others to lose educational scholarships and to go off of prescriptions for pain and suffering that they NEED and have been on for months which WORK. Being disabled means you are NOT ABLE to do certain things for yourself. Like work, which would give me money to help me be financially independent. I have always had an independent spirit. You told me and Levi to get out of the house early in the mornings and we did, I wouldn't come home until dinner. I took Levi under my wing and supervised him when we walked to the candy store, or Mont Lake, when we were very young. If I was at home, I wasi n my room reading because you never talked to me. I would try to talk to you and you were disinterested. You never wanted to talk to me. It was "mmm-hmmm...hmmmm!" and then I'd do something to try to get your attention and you'd say, "Cameo, don't be WEIRD." I became independent partly because of neglect. Then you'd send me to every church camp and VBS in town when i didn't want to go.

I didn't learn about Jesus from you. I learned about Jesus from hearing things in Sunday school and reading my Bible for myself when I was 9 years. I thought you were Christians but as I grew older and read the Bible for myself, I saw that you didn't practice what you preached and all the time you preached to me, you left out other significant parts of scripture. You would quote "HONOR YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER" and yet never mentioned, "Do not provoke your children to anger" or the verses about providing for your family and the single women. Or teaching a child. Even when I was little, you threatened to send me to a foster home. And you spanked me until I was 15 and finally stood up for myself and said if you touched me one more time I would call the state. You even wanted me to work at age 11 and use my money from the paperroute to buy my clothes for school. In the meantime, even at that age, I watched as you spent money on yourself.

Even when I was a legal "dependant" you forced me to be independent and I was. Then, when I wasn't a legal dependent, you still tried to claim me as a dependent on your taxes, so you could get more money, when I didn't live there. I remember I was living on my own and you told me how to file my taxes because you didn't want anyone to notice I was claiming myself if you were claiming me too. Then you got mad at me when I said I was going to claim myself. You wanted to have MORE money but didn't care if I got a tax break.

I became extremely indepedent and then you THINK that I WANT to be depedendent and reliatnt on help from YOU. What was unfortunate was that I suffered 2 major car accidents which the police ruled were NOT my fault, which injured me and left permanent damage, and then was unnecessarily injured in childbirth and left with further dmages which are severe and permanent and NOT my FAULT. I told them to stop and give me a C section and instead they broke my bones, tore me for over an hour, made me push twice as long as is normal and ethical, and injured Oliver and then they covered it up and tried to kick me out of every clinic to make me look like the problem. I even became pregnant right after my suicide attempt, when I was out of it, and not myself, and you guys couldn't even come over to see how I was doing. You didn't listen to me that I couldn't stay with Granny and she was physically violent. I begged, begged to stay with Dad temporarily untuil I found something else and he said NO. SO I had to stay in the cabins and was shortly thereafter pregnant and then next I was THROWN IN JAIL and you left me there. I found out I was there for 14 days because they were using an exucse to evaluate me mentally and they can detain someone that long if someone is deemed mentally ill and dangerous to themselves or others. You LEFT me there and wouldn't bail me out and I found out just recently that the family was told I was "getting help" and being evaluated for mental illness. So you just left me there, pregnant, at a very bad time in my life, right after I had had a SUICIDE attempt, you show your support and love by leaving me there and then buy a brand new rental. I lost my chance to file bankruptcy and keep 50,000 of my accident money because of it. I couldn't get to my boxes with papers because the police ptu a restraining order against me. No one in my family helped me. I had total strangers trying to help but I was on my own. I was pregnant, wrongly thrown in jail, and then left there to rot by my own family. Then you refused to do ANYTHING while I was pregnant to help me or support me. Nothing. I got nothing for Oliver before Oliver was born and after he was born and I couldn't function, you didn't believe me that I was so damaged and onlly wanted to stay ONE day. I had to BEG you to stay longer and you acted like I was putting you out. Even the hopsital staff admonished you and said family should be assisting me. You made excuses about having to get back to work. Afterwards, you made a point of telling me how much you'd had to pay for trip expenses, and hotel, to come visit me.

It took everything in me to forgive you both for all of that. It took EVERYTHING. You had proved to me that you would refuse to assist me in emergencies, and just leave me to rot in JAIL even and then TELL me to plead GUILTY and take a plea bargain. You never offered to help me and told ME not to "drag grannyu and grandpa" to trial. You cared nothing about me even though I made many desperate pleas for help.

During that time, before I was jailed, I got the message from mom that she didn't love me anymore but only cared about me in a general sort of way. And it was either right after that or before that, that she left me stranded in the middle of nowhere, with no money, and refused to help me or even call someone else for me who could help me. The police overheard mom talking to me and how she refused to call granny and grandpa and they gave me a free night at a motel on domestic abuse voucher because they fgured the way my own mother was talking to me indicated I was a victim of domestic abuse. The other time I was left stranded, i had to hitchhike back.

Even after all that, I actually encouraged Dad to stay with Mom. He didn't want to and I encouraged him to. HE didn't even know why I was doing that because of how things had been. I did it because in spite of the hatred and disownership of me, and abuse, I felt SORRY for MOM. I was always the bigger person, to the end. And it was good you did stay together because both of you would be hard pressed to find anyone else who will agree with your selfish philosophies.

I have explained to you, countless times, how I am not able to work and WOULD if I could and how I don't have other options. I have never been a clingy dependent type. If I were, I would have been married just to be married. But I don't use people. I simply have known what responjsiblities a family has to one another and that biblcially, it is my parents who should help me if as an adult, I'm unable to help myself.

But this is it. You left me out here AGAIN, after first thinking it was just fine and dandy to leave me and Oliver out here for almost 2 months, you left me out here again KNOWING I was going to be totally OUT of my pain medications which I now NEED to function at ALL. The doctors wouldn't give it to me if I didn't need it. But you just left me out here. Even though you recently received another chunk of money for Christmas.

And the ironic thing, is that you tell me to go to a prayer group. I even agreed to go and then what do you do? you take back your promise to fix my car in the same conversation.

You don't wait when YOU have medical problems and you don't even experience major suffering and pain. You take yourselves to the best specialist, even out of state. you spare no expense. You don't wait around for a year and then go to prayer meetings. You pay for treatment. And this is for conditions that are NOT even painful for you. And least not even close to the kind of pain I have. But what is good for you, isn't something I should expect. You refuse to help me fix my car to get to a new doctor and for medications I NEED, for almost 2 weeks, and then tell me to go to a prayer meeting. In pain. And you tell me you're "praying" for me over there.

You know that picture of Jesus that you gave me, which you had for years? I kept it all this time until the last months when you left me out here stranded with Oliver and Oliver lost all his scholarships. I was in pain besides. I took that picture and tore it up because what it reminded me of was how it was on your wall at your house and I always looked at it and then had to live with YOU and witness your hypocrisy. I didn't tear it up because I'm not a christian or hate Jesus. I wasn't mad at Jesus at all and I'm quite sure God can handle it. I tore it up because it reminded me of your own claims of chrisistianity.

You have neglected me and refused to help me in a practical way, and with all these opportunities you had to show me the love of Christ, you refused to do it. "If a child asks his father for fish or for bread, will he give him a snake or stone? how much more does the Father above love you and wish good things for you?" Christ even seems to expect that parents will withhold no good thing from their children. I know that's how I feel about Oliver. I would give him everything and I do. I put him before my own needs all the time.

What's not surprising is that you wrote a response to me after refusing to even get back to me, and tell me that oh, now you're not going to help with the car BECAUSE of my letters. And you make lame excuses for why you left us out here again and left me to go off of daily medications I need. You find excuses to not help me and Oliver all the time. Even after you ALREADY promised. You will reward me with evil and then if I protest, give me even more evil and tell me it's because of me. and then say you're "praying" for me.

Your prayers reach God's ears like a knock on an iron door. God is not receptive to your prayers because you are in a constant state of sin and selfishness and have refused his commands. You expect God to pick up for YOUR slack. God does not hear you. You have refused all your responsibilities and then go to God, asking God to help and he knows why. Even your prayers are selfish. You refuse to help in a practical way and then ask God to do it, in the way that's cheapest for you, when you wouldn't do the same thing for yourself in this position. You want God to help me so it helps you. You are unwilling to "bear ye one anothers burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ". You refuse to put others before yourselves. God sees that. He sees how you spend your money, and where your heart is, even if I don't. I dno't have to live there to witness the hypocrisy. God sees everything.

You are not christians. You think you are, and yet you're not. There are some that God says thinks they are christians, and yet they do not feed the hungry, give the cold man their coat, and help others in a practical way when they ask for help. These are the Christians God says he will spit out of his mouth. I would be worried, about your own salvation if I were you. It is not the prostitute with the foul mouth who God turns aside. In spite of her outward sins or appearnace of sin, she took all she had, and bought the most precious oil, and poured over the feet of her lord. She spared no expense. Her actions showed her love. The pharisees, on the other hand, prayed all day long, and made sure everyone could hear the money if they ever put their 2 cents into the offering.

You are the pharisees. Your actions are exactly like the actions of the Pharisees. You will not enter the kingdom of heaven like that. You can pray all you like, and your prayers will fall on deaf ears.

I urge you to repent and consider how you have grieved the heart of God. I pray someday the scales will fall off of your eyes.

Until then, you harm me and my son more than you have ever helped us, and I cannot bear to go through this anymore. 7 times 7 i have forgiven you and yet you show you care nothing for us. You even put your own pride before helping us. You will use this and have already used my last "letters" as an excuse not to help, even though you already were refusing to help. You try to find every excuse. You need to tell it to God.

I do not believe you are Christians. Yuo are surely not "born again". You have none of the fruits of the spirit, and if you cannot even see what kind of state you are in and have been in. When you have the fruits of the spirit and are in a state of grace, giving comes naturally and easily. Your money and selfishness binds you. You are like the rich man, who asking what it will take to enter the kingdom, walks away sadly when Jesus tells him to sell all he has and give it to the poor.

This is for you and Dad

Goodbye,

Cameo


To: cameocares@live.com
Subject: explanation
Date: Mon, 7 Jan 2008 01:11:58 -0500
From: dicksiedael@aol.com

We wanted to send you just a short note of explanation on one issue, and that's why it's taken us so long to get back to you regarding the car. Basically, we'd been trying to figure out some sort of 'plan' that might allow us to help you some while still helping you to help yourself and change and better your situation for you and Oliver, which doesn't seem to be changing or getting better with time.
Anyhow, we've just had a very hard time trying to figure out and/or decide what might be the best thing to do for all concerned.
I was going to phone yesterday, but didn't do it because we still didn't know what might be a good way to proceed. Then I was going to phone today just to get a bit more information from you thinking that might help us with a goal and plan. However, then we read your notes to us and then the ones to the doctor. After reading all of that, and especially your last note to the doctor, we just didn't know what to say or if we wanted to say anything at all at this point. Now I've just read your last note. Dad hasn't read it yet, but I'll let him know about it in the morning. We will always be here for you if you ever decide you really want to change your situation...yours and Olivers, and are willing to listen to suggestions and accept help on how to do that...and you will (both of you) always continue to be in our prayers, in spite of how hypocritical you think they are. Love, Mom and Dad