Monday, January 13, 2014

Random Reoccurance In House

Tonight, several decades since I was attacked on bridges and raped by Barak, I was putting something together and realized out of all the magazines I have (tons) and papers, the ones that happened to be out when I was finished working on a project, were the almost exact same ads as were out almost 2 decades ago. One was by "wayfair" with the line "Make your house a happy one." I noticed it when I walked back into my house after setting some things up and I realized, 'oh my gosh, that is the same ad that I showed a Dicksie and talked to her about before they were trying to kill me with a note in my shirt that said, 'be happy'." I had had something sort of interesting happen and because I was around Diana and some of those people who always talk about signs and symbolic things, I thought, "I have to show my Mom" so I had her go in and I was chatting away about this and that and then said, "And look, then I saw I didn't even try to put it there, but Mom, after I was praying, there was this ad there I saw and it says make your house a happy one (or it said "be happy") and also, I had been thinking maybe I'm not very pretty and was telling God and then I saw it says wayfair and I thought well maybe God is saying I'm pretty after all." I remember I had thought it was so significant and had been praying and then saw a random display of things and it was completely random. So my Mom just got a firmer look on her face and nodded. I am not sure if I said something like "I was asking God which one of us he thinks is best--me, Camilla, Diana or Katie and then I saw this and wondered..." I mean, I have no idea if I possibly could have (I think I may have) said something like that. which would sound horrible but because I was in competition with some of them and they had all this crystal ball stuff going on, and knightly kind of talk (fair Elaine and Lancelot, etc) I was maybe in that mindset. I saw my mother firm up and bristle. I didn't know why and I still don't know. It was almost like she hated hearing me say I'd been praying even.

The next thing I knew is I was being repeatedly sodomized and raped. Also, I had the assassination attempt rock-climbing after the rape by Barak Obama.

Well the weirdest thing is, I know a lot of people deliberately try to recreate and replay events. I've seen it a LOT. What was odd tonight was that I was not praying first at all, but just doing some things and Charles did come to mind when he usually doesn't because I don't think about him, but I was pasting some dahlia flowers into a box and one was lavender and sort of similar (not exact at all) to the flower on his lapel. Well, and then I put part of a Chinese dragon thing with cards into the back because it was just sitting out on the table. I didn't pick it out, it was just there from a New Yorker magazine and I put it in the back and it made me think again about the flag and being under it--that one dance we did. So I went outside in the dark to put up a sign and went back in and that's when I noticed what was facing me from my couch: "Make your house a happy one" and "wayfair". Again. I mean, this is decades later and I wasn't even using that magazine for pasting. I was using it for putting papers down for guinea pigs. So there it was, the same wayfair ad facing me when I was thinking about Charles again briefly for the first time in dozens of years and Dahlias photos by it. what is even more bizarre is that I had gone through and torn out many flowers and sent some to my son and put some in the box and some went on the ground for guinea pig papers and of all things, the one that my eyes fell on was the same one, I believe, from decades ago: "enchantress." Well I just looked at it again and it's from 2010 so the other one must have enchanted or something. It was almost a same idea of a name and I had shown my Mom because I thought the whole thing in my house was so strange. As for the wayfair ad it was wayfair or another ad that said both "fair" on it and something about be happy. I remember it as wayfair and being exactly the same or almost exactly because I remember what I told my Mom. I have to put this in another post because it doesn't go with the rest of this. The thing is, the first time if someone heard me talk, not my Mom, they might think I sounded like I was reading too much into something. My Mom thought it was serious or she wouldn't have acted how she did. However, for the exact same scenario, dozens of years later when I have about 50 magazines in my house and just happened to have these ones out, after rummaging randomly though my house looking for something I thought I'd lost, it's a very strange reoccurance. There were several kinds of flowers out of course, and on the other side of the wayfair ad was a swan island dahlia order form. No other magazines were around and then a half of an orange dahlia which was also there dozens of years before, somehow, randomly, and then I had numbers out and one was an orange 1 and the other was a black O. (the one from the house number and the O from my street name).

It was so much like what I remembered from the past that it helped me remember more of the order of how and when I was being attacked. I hadn't been deeply praying though once or twice I said a brief prayer while doing homework, thinking distractedly about my son and life and saying, "Give me my RIGHTS God!" I did pray then, a brief one or two just that much, and passionately but brief, but when it was decades ago I remember I prayed asking for "a sign" and that was why I had brought my mother over to look and asked her what she thought. Ha.

I guess she wanted to kill me is what she thought.

Some people would say it's like mental illness the first time when I was a pre-teen to notice anything but I was spiritual and prayed too and others would say it's religious. It depends on who you talk to. I wouldn't have mentioned it for that reason, because it was just one time, but to have the almost exact same thing, unplanned, the way it just happened again, almost does look like a weird...I don't know. I can't say really what it is or means because all I noticed was "how in the world..." It's one thing to see people acting a scene you've seen before, or seeing a lecture redone or paper article redone the same with just new dates. It's another thing to see completely random events fall into place the same way more than once.

What I am most thankful about, from this, is just that it helped refresh my memory about plots against me and their timing. It helped me to think again about how "Oh yeah. I had seen this and shown it to my mom and then they were all attacking me and then trying to kill me rock-climbing with 'be happy' in my shirt after I'd shown my Mom this. and I had wondered why." and then it was the Israel song "don't worry be happy" like code to murder me later.

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