My and My Son's Trauma (March 23, 2008)

Appeal for Return of My Son‏
From: cam huegenot (cameocares@live.com)
Sent: Sun 3/23/08 9:22 AM
To: scnl300@dshs.wa.gov (scnl300@dshs.wa.gov); tomasc@atg.wa.gov (tomasc@atg.wa.gov)



Under no circumstances is my son to go out of town with my aunt and her family. My aunt suggested he be placed with my uncle Loren and aunt Pat for the week and I am vehemently opposed.

Loren has physically assaulted me in the past and I have counseling record to back me up. My family covered for HIM as he is my grandfather's favorite child. I was threatened by my grandfather that if I ever told police or called them, I would be on the streets and would pay for it. I had to go to a neighbor's house to get away from him on one occasion, and he (my uncle) chased after me. My grandparents had 3 daughters and one son and the son, my uncle, was given 10 times more than all the daughters put together, but his sisters will stick up for him in spite of it. He ended up being a spoiled brat most kids couldn't tolerate. He also had a mean streak, even as a teen, and I remember I was afraid of him when I was little. Me and my cousin Rory would hide from him if he was around.

He is also extremely unpatient and was mentally abusive of his own son, and everyone in the family knows how the daughter Danielle was favored and Brandon was criticized for everything he did. I even remember being a young girl of about 10 and Brandon was a toddler just being lively and Loren would scream at him for being active. Brandon got in trouble for things a child shouldn't get in trouble for.

I have heard they are a licensed foster parent family. I do not believe it would be in the best interest of any child to be placed there. I believe the main reason for their application to be a part of financial care is because Pat stays home anyway due to medical reasons, and they want additional income.

Loren has a bad reputation with many people in the community. On more than one occasion, someone has told me they can't stand him and how obnoxious he is.

I'm not saying he's a total monster or that he's all bad. But this is a man who doesn't know his boundaries and will overstep them. He practiced vigorous corporal punishment with his son.

The result of his disparate treatment of his son was that their daughter, who had all the coddling, who knew it was best to stay quiet and compliant, ended up with a 4.0 G.P.A. and was a Valedictorian, with plans to work for NASA. Brandon on the other hand, is every bit as smart, and my father agrees with me, probably even smarter, but he works at Martin as a grocery checker. He never had the encouragement he needed to be who God wanted him to be. He was beaten down for being an inquisitive and active little boy.

My uncle is extremely intelligent. I don't believe he was in a gifted program or if he was, I haven't heard about it. He is probably in the highly gifted range if not smarter than that even. He made his own hang-glider when he was a teen. He is mechanically inclined and has some artistic flair as well. He, however, was also not supported by his own family in scholastic endeavors and ended up as a mechanic and then and now is a carpetlayer. He also, I think, really does TRY to be a good "christian" and goes to church. However, sometimes, no matter how hard someone tries and what their intentions may be, they are so fundamentally screwed up it doesn't help much. My uncle is never wrong, and he knows everything about everything. He was EXTREMELY jealous of me, as a grown man, when I moved to Wenatchee, and all my cousins told me he was. He started talking bad about me to my grandparents, to try to influence them, before I ever moved to the area, and my cousin says my grandfather spoke up on my behalf. Even my grandmother admits Loren was jealous of me. Loren is the favorite of the family. He is the one who is inheriting the house, and is the trustee of the estate. He stays in their good graces no matter what.

I, on the other hand, was always my grandmother's favorite. This usually didn't cause problems because I never lived close. But when my grandmother began advocating for me for certain things, Loren was upset by it. Loren didn't have a close relationship with his mother and my grandmother says she's apologized to him for it. She had post-childbirth depression after she gave birth to him which was severe and this affected her ability to bond with him initially. Then, he ended up being pals with my grandfather and she was taking care of my aunt Locklyn's little boy Rory. Rory was the apple of my grandmother's eye. My aunt was a single mother with a child out of wedlock and while she worked in legal offices, my grandmother babysat Rory. Rory displaced Loren and Loren resented it.

Loren has some serious issues. My father advised me to run if he was ever around the house or planning on coming over. My father could give you quite a story about Loren, and once he almost told me about some family secret but decided against it. It was something bad about Loren. I've had the eebie-jeebies about Loren since I was a little girl. When I was in high school and he and Pat would come to visit, I felt Loren looked at me too much, as a man looks at a woman he is attracted to. I stayed away from him and then he would vocalize his distress and hurt feelings from it. Loren is the first person to accuse me, to my entire family, and to try to vigorously persuade my grandfather that I was paranoid schitzophrenic. I overheard him on several occasions, trying to keep them from helping me in any way. He also told police I assaulted my grandmother when I did not, right after he found out my grandmother was about to make me a kind of trustee of their estate and to assign some of her legal matters to me. I have never had an interest in "the inheritance" but I know some of the sisters and Loren HAVE. I believe Holly is the only one who hasn't been rubbing her hands together, thinking about the eventual windfall, but she has her own prejudices and narrow way of thinking, and she will protect the "Bairds", over me and the rights of my son, at every turn. They don't proudly call themselves "the clan" for nothing.

I am absolutely opposed to any placement with Loren and my son should never be with him outside of supervision. I am also concerned that my aunt's son, Andres, was living with her and Pablo and that he has been alone with my son. I don't believe he would do anything harmful to my son, but the reason I always supervised my son, was to PREVENT any harm from coming to my son, especially before he can speak for himself, and the only way to be sure is to be a constant presence. My aunt should not be letting my son out of her sight. I didn't let other people's kids out of my sight, as a nanny, and she shouldn't either. Also, Andres has always been one of the worst of the cousins, in his treatment of me. He has few friends and is controlling and has never had a girlfriend of any kind. Because there is a dark side to his personality, combined with a religious zeal, I feel cautious about him.

Every single one of my aunt Holly and Pablo's kids have been, in my opinion, brainwashed to particular religious fanaticism. They have all left scholarships to good colleges behind to go to a non-accredited, "christian" school for 2 years, which is almost like a cult. I don't believe, "paranoid schitzo" that you accuse me of being, that I've ever claimed to have "heard voices" or seen things. On the other hand, "God" speaks to my aunt Holly's kids every single day, and to Holly too. He even gives them direct instructions, and one of my aunt's kids has blog where she talks about this.

Also, my aunt Holly and Pablo HAVE spanked their kids and used corporal punishment. If this is the way a person is used to administering discipline, it tends to be ingrained and what they fall back on, even if they don't want to. They believe the fundamentalist interpretation of the Bible scripture "spare the rod, spoil the child." Even if they know they shouldn't, I believe they have, would, and will, use corporal punishment and my aunt has already admitted to me that she has. I have never practiced corporal punishment with anyone's kids, and not my own either. I was concerned that when I change his diaper now, instead of trying to wiggle away, as he used to, he doesn't fight it at all. He is completely still. I am somewhat concerned about this because it indicates to me he is perhaps afraid to be "disobedient" or has been trained to do what he's told or be disciplined.

I think my son is afraid of doing anything wrong or feels he must have done something wrong for his Mama to "leave him". He must feel I don't want to be with him and don't love him anymore and that it is his fault and he did something wrong. He doesn't understand why I only show up a couple times a week for a couple of hours, and has bonded to my aunt out of a traumatic attempt to survive what has happened and because she was his "savior" when his mother disappeared. Now he's afraid she might leave him permanently. My aunt has admitted he has been acting out, and I have found out this was far worse and is still much more devastating to him than was let on before. He also has regressed in his development, refusing to eat with a spoon or fork on his own, and won't use the training potty. He should continue to have someone help feed him because it is the only way he will eat enough and feel comfortable enough. My son is in a crib like a baby, when he is old enough to have his own toddler bed. We coslept, and throwing him in his own room in a crib, to wake up alone, has been another trauma. He never cried when he woke up with me. He was happy every single morning, and the first thing he would do is look at me, and start talking with a smile, and babble, sit up and point to the Car's pictures I had posted on our bedroom wall. He woke up cheerful and ready to play.

There is no excuse for what you've done to my son, and for your continued efforts to keep him from me.

I want my son to be moved into my care again, THIS MONTH, with whatever conditions you want to attach, and if you refuse this, you need to transistion him to another family over HERE so he is closer to me and can have more visitation with me. The objective is reunification between the mother and son, not between my son and "the Bairds". All they care about, is controlling his religious indoctrination. None of them has a better parenting style than me, or more experience and training. None of them is "safer".

As for the biological father, it will be too difficult, there is no one in the picture, who wanted to be in the picture. Of the men I dated, there was one I believed to be the father, who was hispanic and worked in a band at the mexican cantina, I am pretty sure. He played guitar and was somewhat creative. I met him at a gathering/BBQ with other mexicans and I barely spoke Spanish at the time and most didn't speak a lot of English. I met up with him a few times and then after he found out I was pregnant, he told me he was married and didn't want his family to know. He wouldn't give me any information about himself and I only knew his nickname, Tony. He said he was going back to Mexico and that was it. He said he has 2 sons and 2 daughters, I think he said, and he is poor. I talked to him at length about his rights and he wanted nothing to do with it. I told him I'd stay at the same house for over a year after my son's birth if he changed his mind and wanted to find us, but I couldn't just stay in the same place after that. He agreed, and he missed out. He told me he was fine with my being the legal guardian and didn't want to be involved and didn't want anyone in his family, or the state, or any person to know. He left, and I have respected his wishes. There is no biological father with an interest in establishing paternity. If you want me to put out a notice in a newspaper, calling any and all Joes who believe they may be a father to my son, to their right to lay claim, that's fine with me. Give me the document and I'll sign it. But no one is going to voluntarily come forward, knowing his already established family will be destroyed in the process. I even went over his rights with him, before he left for Mexico, with his friend who was a translator, and he clearly understood what he was doing. The state has no business ruining lives and involving themselves in private affairs that have been agreed upon without conflict, in a friendly and mutually beneficial way. I was fine with what he said too, because I know it is not in my son's best interest to have someone forced to be involved, who doesn't want to be involved. That is more destructive, and I've seen plenty of kids who are affected by "fathers" who come in and out and make promises they can't keep.

I think this is discrimination against single mothers. If I was married, I wouldn't be going through this. Even in the beginning, the state didn't want me to have my son, as a single mom. I know what Wenatchee has done to pressure other single mothers as well, and how they try to find "babies" and adoptable kids to give to people they know in town who can't have their own. Makes it easy, doesn't it?

A 2 parent family is NOT superior to a 1 parent family. The only advantage is financial. There are 2 parent families where the spouses fight all the time and this is a worse environment for a child than a 1 parent home where there is no conflict. I am also far more "qualified" to parent than most even 2 parent families put together. Were I not slandered so, I could open my own "Ask the Nanny" shop and be qualified to give OTHER parents tips about how to manage their children and to give parenting advice. I know how kids think and what works for them. I took my childcare/nanny jobs seriously and always worked to be a better caregiver and I did this with my son.

As for marijuana, damned if I do, and damned if I don't huh? I never used marijuana before, and I suffered from a disablity of migraines which affected my entire life. I had to take jobs that accomodated migraines. They affected my ability to parent without pain as well. I tried everything else first, and still had to go to ER. So the big complaint is that I went to ER too much. How funny that I found something that prevents my migraines, which makes me more productive and a better parent and employee, and yet you'll try to use it against me to smear me, even though the use of small amounts, for medical purposes, so far, has completely eliminated my need for both prescription drugs which are expensive and didn't work, and the need to go to ER. My son wouldn't be "around" it. I would take what I needed outside of the house, and I'm not constantly around "druggies" as my mother thinks. I don't live with it around, and I don't see people who have it very much at all now. As for talking to someone about cocaine, I'm not around it and don't know anyone who does it. I just heard from someone in a cafe, who started talking to me, about it, over in Yakima.

There is no danger to my son. The only danger is that you continue to dig your heels in, trying to be "right" about me. You don't understand me, and never have, and I do know that DSHS was trying to prevent me from even accessing medical care. They owe me over $1,000 for medical transportation costs and were trying to keep me from going out of town for medical care, knowing I couldn't get care in Wenatchee and that I was defamed by doctors here who were afraid of being sued by me. DSHS was named in complaints by me before CPS tried to take my son. You're all the same organization, and you have the same lawyers who represented you for your DSHS issues, representing you for this dependency matter, and you're trying to tell ME this isn't political.

Like Hell it isn't.

This is abuse of power and you have no right to continue the damages. You have zero evidence of abuse or neglect, and there IS NO safety concern. You can't base a safety concern on your hysterical "suspicions" that I may or may not be "mentally ill" when you've seen no evidence to show this affected my son, or my parenting. And it was CPS who told me I had the right to go to Canada, even during an investigation (all others were dismissed before). As for messy house, it was not to my liking because I was sick and you weren't listening. No one listened to me. Not even about my migraines. It wasn't filty like you claimed, and no one even went IN the house to look around. You claim to know how it was and how it smelled, and weren't even inside. And you have no evidence to prove there wasn't something going on that affected my and my son's health at the time. The things that were happening had never happened anywhere else, and it was extremely painful and my son was also affected. As for radiation, etc, I didn't come up with that out of the blue. Andy Panda from Panda computers did.

If you can't put all that together, and return my son to me knowing there is no risk and that our health is FINE now, and that I'm capable of caring for him, you are not in your jobs for the right reasons and this gives me cause for concern, because it would be clear your objectives are not about my son's welfare and reunification.

If my aunt is going on vacation, someone should start looking at families over here he can get to know, who can watch him while I continue my visitation. More importantly, if you really care about my son, you will dismiss your own "case". There is no interested "father", I am the best choice for my son, and whether you agree my personality and political views are in my son's best interests or not, is not for you to decide. I am his mother and I am an excellent parent. You don't have to like me and you can hate me, and hate everything I say and stand for, and how we interact, and you can hate how I interact with others and may not like my blog or the fact that I make complaints. That doesn't make me a bad or unsafe parent. It makes me an activist and you should damn well get used to it and accept it if you want to get all patriotic and call yourself an "American" at all. You have made me pay a price for free speech, and my son as well, and you've manipulated my family to your narrow way of thinking.

I am printing out every single email I send you, for my son to have later. He will know I fought for him, and that this was your fault, and that you had many opportunities to work with his mother, where she was appealing to you, and asking for YOUR cooperation and extending reassurances, to no avail.

You have the right, and the choice, to call me up or write to me, asking me if I would agree to certain things if you dropped this and returned him to me. You could ask questions about medical marijuana and legal permits and the efficacy for my migraine management; you could ask to see where I live and who I'm living with; you could ask about my physical health; you could ask people I talk to everyday over here, if THEY think I seem mentally ill; you could offer services without having my son out of my care.

The whole point is, you did NOT exhaust other avenues before taking my son from me. You just freaked out and took him when I left for Canada, because of your overactive imaginations. You did and DO NOT have grounds for finding neglect or abuse, and you've not done anything to really inquire as to whether it is possible for him to be with me now. You haven't offered alternatives, you just want to, it seems to me, justify your actions now.

I have told you I'm open to working with you, and my many emails about visittion prove I've tried to be in communication. All I have from you, is proof that you lie to me, jerk me around, and that you don't have my son's best interests at heart. You can change this and you have the power to change this. I would like to think your hate for me personally, and for my political views and ideas, doesn't interfere with your ability to consider the truth. I would like to think your organizations can put aside their political agendas and their anger about my making complaints and reporting people, and consider my son. Not what is in YOUR best interest, but what is in the best interest of Oliver Garrett.

Cameo