Listening to "Everybody Hurts". I don't like it. It's really horrible--this expose documentary of Britney and her breakdown. I think some people have true breakdowns and others have people who want everyone else to think this is the truth.
I was skeptical about Britney's having a real breakdown, but I figure, what she had to her advantage, was a shitload of money and lawyers to bring out any possible evidence to the contrary. Also, she was admitted to psych ward and everyone saw she was out of it, stretchered away...and yet, I still wonder about people she was with and what was in the drugs she was taking.
I question her relationship with Paris Hilton at the time that led up to this and her ex-husband and his motives. I remember telling Christa how I felt about it and for some reason, Christa was extremely defensive of the guy (who had connections with monks like the Abbey lawyers and who was catholic) and blasting Britney, saying, "Oh, I'm sure she didn't like being disregarded" and Christa just went off on Britney like she was a personal enemy, saying all this shit about how it was Britney's fault and her mental problems were because her husband wouldn't put up with her and she felt "disregarded". I remembered then looking up Britney and Kevin and how he took her to a Benedictine monastery before they were married, and I thought it was strange.
I mean, I found out Christa was in with the Abbey guys and they were in with the Benedictine monastery in Mt. Angel, and then I also knew Beau Blixseth was involved with things against me and he started going to my classes and sitting next to me after Christa learned which classes I was going to take. Then I found out Beau's first girlfriend was Paris Hilton and he asked me if I knew her and talked about her a lot. Before she was famous. or infamous. Next thing I know, Britney is hanging out with Hilton, whose family has a massive catholic charity set up and whose grandfather was extremely religious. And then here's Christa, going off on Britney like she has insider info, in a bitter tone, about how she's sure Britney doesn't like being "disregarded". I thought, "who told Christa that Britney was being disregarded?" it was in the news.
So I wondered. I wondered if people around Federline were trying to mess with Britney to create a breakdown, and helped to create an image of her that the media would find contrary to motherhood--afterall, it was Hilton that started taking her out to go dancing and get drunk and show her vagina. Just like Christa did with me, except I didn't start smoking and doing drugs or show my vagina. But how many times was Britney date-raped while under the influence? and screwed with? Maybe she really did have a breakdown, but I think in her case, there were people leading her to it. And while I've been through it, I have a very strong foundation in myself and Britney seemed a little more vulnerable at heart. More of a feeler and would take it to heart. She was provoked, I believe, to go out into public and act in a way that she would not normally act. Did she eventually go on meds? maybe. probably. Is she faking cooperation just to get her kids back finally? maybe. I've had people tell me to do that.
The only thing that throws me off, is she had so much money. If I'd had those advantages, I would have been able to prove a lot of things, and the thing is, no one was after Britney for making complaints against the FBI or catholic church or anything. They just went after her kids and money. Probably, out of jealousy and in an attempt to make her pay for some imagined offense.
I wrote into several Britney blogs, when I lived in the orchard location, defending Britney and raising serious questions about what was going on and how she was being defamed. I think I'll put this on a new post.
I don't know, it's interesting, the various connections. I mean, isn't it? vaguely? I didn't trust Hilton, but I also felt sorry for Hilton when she was thrown in jail for her DUI and wrote her a note of encouragement. I think she WAS targeted, but I wonder exactly what she was trying to do with Britney.
For me, at least there are some things I can prove were not true, and that there was grounds for motive. I have doctors lying about me and also lying saying I had no damages from childbirth. I now am getting enough evidence to prove them wrong. So it casts doubt on their other claims. If they lied about that, and withheld evidence and tried SO HARD to pin me down, what else are they lying about?
I also have proof from emails that I was threatening both Wenatchee professionals and the FBI with a lawsuit for obstruction of justice over sexual assault and things, so I can point to people who would have a clear motive to discredit me.
It was more difficult for Britney. She didn't have hard evidence to use in her defense. It was all about other people's observations and about her reactions and speculation and gossip. I believe I was writing in my blog, defending Britney, before I started having worse problems and then the seizures. Oh, and the guy in the helicopter coming to my house...that was interesting.
I just wonder though, because I remember being so shocked at Christa's response and castigation of Britney. It was like Britney was her personal enemy and she talked about her like she knew Federline and had an inside scoop about Britney. What it sounded like, was that she was pissed at Britney for making Federline feel bad, and now she was getting what she deserved, being "disregarded".
I saw Britney, though, as she stepped out with Hilton, and got worse publicity, and it just made me think about what Christa had done with me. She even tried to get me to start smoking when I didn't smoke and then the last night I saw all of her friends, she lit up and her own boyfriend of several years, Ryan Barnes, said in shock, "I didn't know you smoked" and Christa looked at me nervously and got him to shut up about it. But Christa was always trying to get me to wear more seductive clothing when we went out too. The first time I went out with her, I wore a turtleneck and by the end of 2 years, I was letting her tie a flimsy scarf around my chest as a bandeau. And then she took photos.
I also, at the time of the bad press and when Britney finally had to get a lawyer, I wrote to Britney's lawyer and warned her about possible catholic church member vendettas which some people could be using against her, in Federline's defense. I just thought it was a possibility.
I posted almost all of my comments about Britney and my observations and suspicions and defense of her, on the website for that popular news journal--TMZ.
My posts generated a TON of responses, pages full of very angry notes, some coming from people who claimed they knew Kevin, and others agreeing with me. I spent a lot of time defending her, and the media and society's idea of what a woman's and mother's "place" is/was.
So here was the connection, though it was indirect. Britney and I both knew some of the same people, who knew each other. I didn't know Britney personally and she didn't know me, but sandwiched in between, was a group of people that knew both of us and knew each other very well, and they were primarily Catholic, rich, and white. Oh, and it just so happened, that the guy I knew, Br. Ansgar and Fr. McCann, who I was punished for exposing, were from a Benedictine Monastery in Mt. Angel, Oregon, and Britney's ex, who she may have been punished for offending, also had connections with another Benedictine Monastery, in California.
Hmmm. And I wonder who else knows Dick Whittemore, in California. This lawyer for the Abbey had a law office in California as well as Oregon and elsewhere.
So...I knew Christa Schneider, who knew Beau Blixseth and the Abbey lawyers, and Beau was connected to Paris Hilton and other California people which is where he was raised. I don't know how Mike Tancer fits into things, if at all, I don't know his connections and religious background. I do know that the FBI guys were connected to the Abbey lawyers. Anyway, so then Hilton knew Britney and they go out and Britney gets bad press and provoked and harassed, has a breakdown and they take her kids.
I saw the guy in the helicopter at my house after I published many, many posts on TMZ, but I don't know who that guy was connected to. It was a plain helicopter and green.
I was concerned for Britney because I felt there were some people surrounding her, who were influencing her actions and how she was portrayed, which set up her up for her downfall. If she was being date-raped in the middle of all of this, and this was "disregarded", it would have added or could have contributed to her lashing out and then, possibly, with the influence of drugs and no one listening to her, her breakdown.
The disadvantage for Britney was she couldn't prove other people were lying about her for specific reasons. It was hard for her to get hard evidence to make a case for herself. For me, it was never about evidence. I had enough evidence and still do. I just didn't have money.
Britney could have had a chemical imbalance and a very real diagnosis, but most of her actions appear to be symptomatic of very serious trauma and stress. And it didn't start out that way. She was encouraged to party by others, and photographed in compromising positions, and then it was used against her and she was threatened with losing her kids and THEN, she began acting out, AFTER being fucking provoked. If her family wasn't listening, she wouldn't be close to them. If someone was telling her, her mother was having an affair, it is possible she believed it. It is also possible she genuinely had a breakdown or a full mental disorder diagnosed. She didn't have much to back herself up with other than her own testimony, which was..."disregarded". She was first punished for being both a mother and a woman with a life to live. She never went out except after her kids were asleep at the house but she was portrayed as a party animal leaving her kids alone. Then, she hired guards and nannies which could have been recommended to her, who would serve as "witnesses" against her. I know for a fact, I looked into the religious background of several of her "security guards" and "nannies" who gave testimony AGAINST her, and they were Catholic. And then I posted everything I thought and discovered, on TMZ. One of Britney's first lawyers, who did NOTHING for her, was also Catholic and seemed to be working in favor of Federline, not Britney, and I wrote about this on TMZ.com. It was a woman lawyer and she did things that hurt Britney's case and didn't help her.
What's too bad, is that she'll never be able to get full custody. She should, and I am rooting for her to get partial custody, but either she had a breakdown that was intentionally PROVOKED and she was set up, or she already had an organic illness that was medicated, or she's going through counseling and cutting her losses, is doing some acting and staging a return to get not only her career but her kids back.
Whether she was ill to begin with or not, it is clear to me that she had some enemies, who wanted her to fail and fall, and that her own family could have been influenced. I told Christa, when I saw the bruises on her legs and saw the footage of Britney lashing out, and her shaved head, I said to Christa: "OH my God, she's been sexually abused. I know she's been date-raped" to which Christa vehemently disagreed, INSISTENTLY. I thought, why does Christa care so much whether I think she's been date-raped or not? and then out came the critisms. I said I thought Kevin had caused her to go off the deep end, or his buddies, and Christa said it was all about Britney and she was sure Britney didn't like being "disregarded". It was said with satisfaction, as though she felt Britney should be taken down a notch or two.
I just thought it was odd, and after discovering how Christa was definitely connected to the Abbey lawyers, and Blixseth, and some others even in the FBI--that's when I got very concerned for who Britney was hanging around with and what was happening, and I found out about the Benedictine monastery connections and thought it was strange too.
If Britney was repeatedly date-raped while under the influence, she might not have even known it was a crime and blamed herself. And she certainly wouldn't be broadcasting this news to everyone either. I want to know how many men took advantage of Britney when she was intoxicated or under the influence of drugs. It would be interesting to put their names together and do some investigation. THAT was another thing I recommended, on TMZ, that Britney get some good fucking P.I.s.
When I moved away from Oregon and was away from Christa, I didn't drink on the weekends anymore, or go out and if I did once or twice, I wore things I would normally wear, which were suitable to me. I was definitely influenced by someone I had thought was my "best friend".
Everything that glitters, isn't gold.
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