Still Trying, Getting Nowhere (Feb. 26, 2008)

RE: still trying...‏
From: cam huegenot (cameocares@live.com)
Sent: Tue 2/26/08 12:07 AM
To: dicksiedael@aol.com


all you ever think of is the bad. You never think about the positive in me. I wrote to you, telling you how I COULD NOT go to Wenatchee or find a way to Bellingham in less than 2 hours, and how I was sad about it. I cried today. I cried, okay? Are you happy now? does that make you feel better? because all you think about is that SINCE I ALREADY MISSED the BUS because I had NO WAY of getting to the bus, I decided to insist on internet. Ummm...I should be THANKING them for being so "nice"? What? nicer to me than you are? providing for me and offering more than you have?

All that matters to you is money.

You are impressed with CPS for saving you some money you didn't even want to spend on your own daughter when THEY"RE the ones who have done Oliver the damage, and caused ME THE FREAKING inconvience, but you don't care.

You promised me you'd help pay for a lawyer if Oliver was ever taken from me. No, first you promised to pay for one if someone TRIED. THen you changed your mind and said only after they actually took him. NOW, you try to push me off onto court appointed attorneys. You don't care about Oliver's best interests; you care about your money. As always. Why am I surprised? after hoping?

And then you lecture ME when you should be supporting and enouraging me, not withdrawing all your support and trying to force me to do what is cheapest for you.

All I know, is that one day Oliver will know who was willing to pay for him to be back with his mother. Who really cared enough? Nobody. Not you at least.

You promised me all kinds of things, and then you write email like this, throwing me at the court, forgetting even your promise to pay for radiation testing, and independent evaluations, and telling me everything is my fault.

If that is where you stand, after everything I tried to explain to you, then let me know. Because when you let me know for sure, you have cut the strings forever.

I have NOT said I would just run off and deny you visitation if you helped me and Oliver--because it would show you actually cared enough, for once, more about me and your grandson, than your investments and money. But all I need is further proof you care more about money, and I'm gone.

So let me know. I've been emailing all week and I have to make some decisions, with or without you.

CPS claims they have "witnesses". Who? my family?

I was going to tell you about Canada, and the 2 hour conversation that went nowhere that I had with the main CPS supervisor, Russ Hagin, who basically told me I would lose everything, meaning Oliver. He is quite confident and unwilling to do anything for me or Oliver.

But it seems that's what you want. You just let me know. I'm tired of being jerked around and promised this and that. You haven't ever helped me with anything in the past, when it really cost you. I never mattered enough, or was "worth" enough. I was never "worth" what your properties and assets are worth to you. I know that. I just want to see you say it in writing, about me and Oliver. And if you think it will all be okay and Oliver will stay in the family, if it's the last thing I do, I will make the court think twice about placing him with anyone in the family, if it's not with me. I will drag every Baird and Garrett skeleton out of the closet and skewer the family with it, the way you skewer me, by talking to them and agreeing and refusing to support me. I will let them know what a lunatic Holly is, and how her own daughters think she's having female problems and moody and out of control, and I will bring up Holly's personal problems with me and how you and she have sent me these wonderful "love letters".

If you decide not to help me and Oliver, you will know how I feel about it, because at that point, my so-called "family" has proved how much I am worth and my son is worth, and at that point, I will know my "family" is dead to me and there is no chance of reconcilliation, and I will fight to the death, against even you, for what I believe is in the best interest of my son, and that would, at that point, be to have him removed from Holly's to be closer to me over here.

I am prepared to cut all of you off, and be dead to you forever, for the love of my son. You have told me, in the past, that I am not your "family" and that my "family" is my son. I will fight to have my only "family" remaining returned to me, on my own terms, and you will be completely cut out. I will make threats for the love of my son. I would do anything for him. What would YOU do for ME?

You make promises and don't keep them. You disappoint me. You make me cry and worry about our future, and you make me feel insignificant. I am not worth more than your money or house or even your dog. You would choose many things over me. You always have. And then you promise you'll come through if things are bad enough, and when they are, you back out, searching desperately for cheaper alternatives.

I need to know by tomorrow where you stand. You've had enough time to think and I'm ready to make up my mind.

You made promises. Either you keep your word, or you don't.

Cameo

________________________________
> To: cameocares@live.com
> Subject: still trying...
> Date: Tue, 26 Feb 2008 00:29:24 -0500
> From: dicksiedael@aol.com
>
> Still trying to phone; still busy.
> Talked to Locklyn; she's leaving tomorrow for dog shows in Calif. She says there are two public defender offices in Chelan County; they used to be private practice but not now, unless case overload when they do get even her boss at times. Said there might be an entirely different office or set of atty's for douglas county, she's not sure. Said SHE thinks go with the court appt'd atty at least to "start". Says HE can file for change of venue; set up visitation, etc. She also says that even if you had an independant mental evaluation, the state (cps) can request their own, and she's seen it happen...but says also that even your court appt'd atty could advise on that. Says if it were her and she were willing/able to pay atty for SOME work, she'd pay for later and let the free guy do the grunt work. Did say that since it's DOUGLAS county, you havent appeared previously (far as she knows) before this judge, so he won't be predjudiced against you..at least not from prior personal experience. But in any count, a court appointed atty can apply for the change of venue and you wont be losing time, like you ARE right now. Said you could write a letter to the Honorable Judge Hodgekiss or whatever his name is, at douglas cnty courthse and ask for the court appt'd atty...
>
> Dad and I can't BELIEVE that you would be so stubborn with cps. They offer to get you a bus ticket AND put you up in a motel and you're insisting you have to have internet connection???? I do agree that they were rather presumptious in ordering a ticket for only about two hours off(!!!), but think how you look? You haven't seen your son in ...what?...two weeks? And then when they offer you a chance and tell you they'll put you up at the Red Lion (we've stayed there, very nice), you throw a fit insisting on an internet connection!!!???? Dad even says...yeah, that shows a lot of anxiety and concern for Oliver. I mean, didn't you even say you didn't have a computer with you? Internet connection doesn't usually mean computers too. And if you don't have computer access; so what? Is that more important than seeing Oliver. Can you never just say "Thank You"? Your attitude continues to be combative. Even if you need to fight what cps is doing in taking Oliver, you can and should show civility and some thankfulness when they do something GOOD...and you can bet they can and are keeping copies of your emails. We really don't understand what makes you tick. Why must you always FIGHT everyone and everything. Even if they WERE/ARE "Lying" about the internet; so what? The important thing SHOULD be seeing Oliver!
> When we hear things like that, even we throw up our hands in disbelief; I'm sure those against you will be much more likely to.
>
> In case you care; Granny is having her 77th birthday this Friday; Grandpa will have his 83rd on Saturday. If you DO get over there, you might want to send a card or make a phone call....just a thought, you can do what you want.
>
> It sounds to me like you do plan on just delaying things. If that is the case, I really think you'll just have to do as you see fit and live with the consequences and leave us out of it entirely. If you delay and keep putting things off, I'm afraid you'll lose Oliver; but you dont listen to us, so talk to someone else knowledgeable and see if they don't agree. It's your gamble, but I certainly think you are risking your son for life. I think so much time has gone by already that you NEED to get things going by just taking the court apponted attorney and going from there. If you want the change of venue; fine, ask him to arrange it. Locklyn says it's not likely they'd grant it, but maybe they would since you've appeared before so many of the judges, etc there already...she didn't know for sure. Anyhow, get free representation and quick representation to get the ball rolling. If you want to stay in Blaine, stay in Blaine. Apply for the change of venue; but realize you have NO GUARANTEES of getting it. If you do, great. If not, move forward..and live with it. But you can't just sit and wait or not show or put off ....it's not a traffic ticket. You MUST at least put on a show of respect and 'some' thankfulness or politeness...even THAT is part of being able to raise a child well....how can you teach him if you can't force yourself? And if you are only hostile, welll....ok, maybe, if you do get your change of venue and do win, but again, you have no guarantees...do not burn the bridges when you may need to walk over them.