I have a question for anyone who wants to respond.
Does CPS or any governmental agency have a right to tell someone not to write or voice their opinions? And hold a child from a parent with the threat that lack of compliance will mean termination of parental rights?
I want to know what is so awful about my blog. Does my blog affect my ability to parent? Does my blog say anything at all about what kind of parent I am or how I am with my own child or the children of others?
Do political and social views have any bearing on mental health? Or are some opinions just unpopular?
I would be very interested to hear from people who are offended by my blog, or who don't approve of it, or those who are in support of my not being punished for what I write.
I would also like to know what is found to be most objectionable. One thing in particular? Many things? I would like to know and I will publish any comments, whether I agree or disagree and like what you have to say or not.
From a parent's perspective too...Does offending some adults indicate you're a bad mother or will offend your own child? Is it rather that I am not in conformity of ideals of a social group and social norms?
When people read articles by journalists or bloggers, or books which may be inflammatory, does this affect perception about parenting abilities?
What about Anne Coulter and Howard Stern and others who "offend" some. Is there the idea that these people are less loving and protective torwards their own children?
I'm interested in hearing opinions about why my blog has become a focal point.
The only person who has ever told me what directly has offended them was a state worker who wanted things removed and for me to quit writing. At least that individual TOLD me, specifically, what it was which was objectional to them personally. I respect this. On the other hand, should my opinions or writing affect whether or not I am the guardian of my own son?
I am told there is one state worker who has been assigned, from the beginning, to read my blog daily. I mean, this person has the specific post and duty of reading my BLOG.
It makes me feel like Pam Roach in a way, when she discovered some member of the Republican committee had a similiar post and position--to just sit and read her blog and keep track.
Should state money be used to pay people to read personal blogs?
And what, if anything, does it say about someone if you're not interacting with the person? Does anyone act out according to what they write? Some do, perhaps, but others just express themselves right? How does one know anything about anyone without direct interaction and conversation?
Yesterday I was told I have a secret admirer who travels a lot. I won't say what I was told he does or it might give something away which should be private, which I would want to keep private. But how would I know if this is true, if this person hasn't told me so himself? What if I'm reading a blog written by this person who I don't know at all and have never talked to, and do I think I can really know that person? There is hearsay and third-party information and then there are journals and blogs which are very small excerpts of a voice that may be sometimes coming from a creative brainstorming process or from fact or fiction and may involve changing impressions, and how does that have anything to do with what the person acts like in public and how they carry on conversations and interact with others one-on-one in a normal exchange?
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Did you blog this much when you had your son? It seems like it would take quite a bit of time to keep up..... I'm not judging at all!!! I find your blog very entertaining and enjoy your views.... just curious is all. I would love to blog but my 2 kids ages 4 and almost 2 keep me too busy, and I am lucky enough to be a stay at home mom, just trying to keep up reading this blog is hard to do. Also do your injuries prevent you from working a fast food job? It has always been my expirence that it is easier to find a job when you have one, also it might help you demonstrate a positive responsible ability to regulary have a steady income. I know minimum wage probly won't be enough to support your son right away but it's a start and would definetly show a good faith effort to your family and it might make them more willing to help.
Hi, first of all, thanks for giving me an interactive opportunity to answer any questions about why I blog and my motive or mindset. Good question about employment too, and I think my current unemployment or perceived "instability" is just that, a misperception which I'd like to clear up.
I have always, since I was about age 14, written this much. No, I guess I was age 13 when I began keeping a journal. I didn't write as much before then, because I was so consumed with READING, THAT took up all of my time. It all began...On the fateful day I opened up a closet and found my great-great grandmother's diary. I found it when I was 13 years old and asked my mother what it was. It was this huge ledger from my Scottish grandmother who was writing about her hunting and other expeditions out in the then Wild West. When I found this, I asked my mother if she'd ever kept a diary. I remember the exact day of this conversation with my mother. My mom told me she had also kept a diary when she was 13 but threw it away. I thought how much I would have enjoyed reading it and wished she'd kept it. So I determined from that day that I would try to keep a diary and keep everything I wrote for the future, for my children to read.
Oh, wait. I guess my writing began before that. I totally forgot. I was in first grade or third grade (can't remember which) and I was coming off the bus with loads of money and change. My mom asked where I was getting all this money and I told her I was selling stories to the other kids on the bus. Now I remember, this was 3rd grade. The other kids were all selling these flavored suckers they made at home and I wanted to make money too! So I thought about what I could sell and designed a book order form by hand which looked like a Scholastic Book Club order form. I gave kids the option of buying a pre-written story, or of having me write a story about THEM, catered to their individual interests. Of course, that ended up being the HOT selling item on the bus.
I made buckets. But then for some reason my mother put a stop to it. I don't know why she felt it was wrong, but maybe a parent called in to complain because I had a few glamourous romantic inserts to some of the stories, thanks to my early exposure to my mother's Harlequin Romance novels, and Victoria Holt gothic romances.
I did all the artwork too.
So, I first showed an interest in creative writing, publicly, when I was 9 years old in the third grade. I wrote a lot after that and if it wasn't in my diary, it was for school.
Part Two:
I wrote prolifically while in college and I was in college until I became pregnant with my son. Blogging became a writing outlet in lieu of writing for classes, and also as a protective measure because we were under so much harassment and vandalisms and being stalked and threatened even and no one was doing anything about it. I went to police about it and people knew it was going on but nothing would end, and so finally I wrote out of part desperation and an attempt to get my story out so perhaps others could be informed and help me figure out who was behind of all of this.
When I had my son, I wrote as much, but more privately and then usually at night or while he was napping if I wrote in the blog. Anyone who has watched me can see I write very fast and I don't edit so much of what I write--everything in fact, is first fruits and uncensored.
So this allows me to put out a LOT of writing and people may wonder how I'm getting time to do it but it doesn't take up much time.
I'll answer the employment question in another post alright?
Oh, my maternal grandmother's all liked to write. Granny wrote poetry all the time, usually of a humorous nature and she is far, far, wittier than I am and almost anyone else in the family. Granny's mother had an artistic and melodramatic streak and liked to sing and dance and play piano--she married a man who was quiet and Luxembourgish who didn't enjoy partying as much. Then HER mother was the town "vet" and took in all kinds of sick animals and was creative as well, and I believe it was she or HER mother who kept the journal about "life on the range" basically.
My father writes songs and has since he was young but isn't super prolific. HIS father was an art teacher and wrote and drew cartoons. My father's biological grandmother is a TALKER and if she didn't talk so much and wasn't learning how to play 10 stringed instruments at the same time, she'd be a prolific writer I'm sure. She gave me a clara ring but I don't think she's Irish. Maybe she is. She gave me my first guitar and gave my Dad his first guitar. There is some sign of creativity in the family, on both sides.
Everyone in the family, except one or two, has always been a big reader too. If we're not writing, we're reading. Definitely big readers on both sides of the family--news, history, war books, mystery's, romances, children's fiction, classics, and a lot of religious literature as well and biographies. I read tons of biographies when I was little, and missionary stories about people with courage to stand for what they believed in, and I liked the Underground RR stories and Helen Keller. I also read all the Little House On The Prairie books, Nancy Drew novels, and I liked mystery books when I was a little girl. Snuck my mother's romance novels but I sort of grew out of them. I became too practical. I started thinking about statistics more than fate and "destiny" or "there is one soulmate for me". I started looking at 1:1 sex ratios in different towns and countries and reasoned, not everyone who wants to be in a relationship can possibly BE in one, in some circumstances, and that to be in one which consists of true love is rare, very rare for some.
I became logical and more analytical. Still a romantic, but a sensible one.
The employment question:
My first job was at age 11, selling and delivering newspapers. I increased a route of 30 to 70 in short time and had a large route but while I liked people and seling, I hated the job. The only part I liked was going to the library afterwards and putting new books into the bike basket.
I was also babysitting and worked as a teacher's assistant for elementary aged children while I was still in high school.
Aside from that, I was doing chores around the house: cleaning horse stalls, brushing the horses, feeding animals, picking up dog poop, picking produce and weeding from the garden, mowing the lawn, doing dishes, and trying to cook.
Things I was NOT good at: menial detail work. I tried helping a friend wax a car and failed miserably. I hated it. But you know, she went on to Cornell and look where I am--maybe she had a better work ethic, who knows. I also didn't like picking up as I went along. I preferred to let things build up and then do a grand cleaning and organize everything and even re-arrange all my furniture. My mother liked to clean as she went along, for example, if she was cooking, she'd put things away after taking one item out. I wanted everything at hand, and liked making focusing on the cooking and then would clean later. So I have a very different inate style of cleaning from my parents, which they've never figured out.
As for adult work, I have worked or gone to college FT my entire life and supported myself since I was out of the house at age 18.
The only time I did NOT go to work FT or go to college was when I was pregnant with my son and then after injuries from this. People kept trying to force me to work and didn't understand how injured I was.
Inbetween my attempts to work and go to college (which were successful and without interruption), I had several car accidents (I was never the driver) which really set me back. It's hard for those who haven't been disabled or affected by random things like this, to understand. People think it's your fault when it's not, and my injuries from accidents or health issues have not been small. It's a miracle, literally, that I'm not in a wheelchair.
For me to be alive and even functional, to any degree, is amazing. I look healthy too, and you wouldn't know what I've been through, but I do have some aches and pain is always with me. I have learned to live with it, and most of the healing has been done. My tailbone is not the same, still, that's for certain, and there are other things like migraine which get in the way, but none of these things are my fault.
My problems with employment have only been since my son was removed from me. I was not able to work after childbirth and still trying to get medical help and could not get this for me or my son in Wenatchee, though I tried very hard.
It was only 1 1/2 years after the birth that he was taken from me, and I was called "delusional" for claiming I or my son were injured at all. I was not well enough to go back to work or I would have. I was then trying to apply for SS disability and the state offices blocked me from doing this. I was told I could apply for "mental health" reasons, not physical injury. No one wanted me to document I was injured or be examined by a federal disablities person.
After my son was taken, my medical coverage was gone, as well as my TANF which was the cash income that came to pay for rent and utilities. I had no place to live, and I was at the mercy of others and family support was not there, for various reasons and I disagree it was my "fault".
I did hold a job in Birch Bay at an oil refinery but it was hard on my body. I tried cleaning PT as well but this was also hard and I missed work from migraine. Then I tried D.C. and by that time, I was using marijuana to prevent migraine which helped me stay employed and I was also healing a little bit more from childbirth stuff.
Employment response part II:
I worked fine, at waitressing, until I was pregnant with ectopic pregnancy and I did not know, myself, why I had such severe pain. I couldn't work as usual. Then, from that time in Sept., it was five months figuring out what was wrong and then miscarrying and having blood transfusions and not completing the miscarriage. I finally had a surgery in late Feb., and then although my herniated discs still hurt (from an assault in D.C. which re=injured me) I got back to Wenatchee right away. As soon as my miscarriage and bleeding stuff was stable, I flew out to Wenatchee. My back still really hurt and I went to a Redimedi clinic for painkillers and also for cortisone, which helped some. It's only been the last two months of May and June that I was physically well enough to work, and was off of the narcotic painkillers. I tried working in Seattle but did have some problems with my back after standing for 3 hours and realized I might need occasional painkillers if I'm doing that kind of work. Sitting is fine except I have to move around and get up and be flexible because of my tailbone which got smashed out into an odd angle which can't correct itself. Right now it hurts, but I am ignoring it.
I've lost jobs due to the idea I'm just not coming into work and don't really have migraine. People who don't get migraines or know someone who does, don't understand. They think you're coming up with a convenient excuse.
If I can get a medical permit to prevent them, I should have no problems. I basically want to get back into college. My intention was to finish my degree and pursue further education and put my knowledge into something that's beneficial to others and is rewarding and intellectually stimulating for me.
I have sent out tons of resumes for even office work and sales, to no avail. I've been to almost every restaurant in Wenatchee, twice, asking if they're hiring. The fast food thing is sort of a waste of time, in my opinion, because the pay is SO low and it takes up so much time, it is difficult to do anything else and I have a lot of oars in the water right now. I've worked fast food, at age 16, and it was fine. But it's not practical right now. My time is better spent looking for something that pays better, and I'm not too proud, because I was goiing to do cherry picking but the guy never picked me up like he said he would and then I was organizing other things. I don't know how I would have held up with cherry picking though, if it's hard on the body. But I was willing to try, and it made sense to try, because the pay was at least over $14. You can't make a living on minimum wage as a single mom. Not in my opinion.
Hmm, bad ending on last comment. What I mean to say, is I've looked for work, but I'm also mindful of what will "work" with my son in my care. To me, where I prefer to be his primary caregiver, doing something like grant writing, which I could do from home or travel with, is ideal. Getting back into college is also ideal because I could be with him. It doesn't make sense to take a low-paying job and throw my son in a daycare. My son needs me, one-on-one more than ever. I am looking for work which will be in the best interest of my son. I have looked for many kinds of jobs but at this point, it is smarter to focus on getting back into college, I think. This will pave the way for other things to fall into place.
I hope I didn't sound like anything was "your fault" I have a lot of "unseen" medical problems with my muscles and early onset arthritis- I am 26 and have days where I can hardly lift me almost 2 year old :-( so I feel for you!!! I was just a little curious. I don't want to sound "preachy" but please know that I am praying for you to have peace health and security... and when I say you I mean you and your son. I also pray that your relationships within your family will be healed as well.
No, I don't think you sound preachy. I do believe I've been wrongly portrayed by some as having issues for which I am to blame, or, conversely, for having some kind of mental health issue.
My problems which affect finances, have only been physical and these things are healing on their own. It takes time though, and I do need to get a permit for marijuana to prevent the migraines. If that's taken care of, in general, I'm fine. I'm certaintly well enough to care for my son, and I was before too.
As for claims that I'm mean or just causing trouble, or mentally ill, these things I absolutely reject. I've been accused falsely, of many things, including so-called "car theft". I've never done anything harmful or criminal in my life except speeding on occasion (broke the law) and smoking pot without a permit (broke the law). The pot, though, was very minimal and done only AFTER my son was not in my care, never before.
I DO believe I have one form of a "mental health issue" and I've said this for a couple of years, and it's true, I do think I have a mild form of PTSD and avoidance especially. I don't hallucinate, hear voices, and I don't even have nightmares or any of the extreme things. I've never had a nervous breakdown either. But do I have some PTSD from things people have done to me and to my son as well? Yes, I know I do.
Does it interfere with my ability to work or go to college or care for my son? No.
What has interferred with my son is revenge and retaliation by people I offended.
The reason I say people should tell me what is so offensive about my blog, is because I don't even know. What was my biggest "crime"? To write about plutocracy? to write about judges and cocaine? to write about section 1983? to write about the thebaults or roses or Abbey? I honestly have no idea.
If someone wants me to change, they should probably start by letting me know what the big "no-no" was. I haven't "had it in" for anybody or any group in particular so it's all the same to me. Clearly though, there have been some people who wanted to take their revenge to extremes. I'd like to know what my big offense was.
Like I said, I'm not randomly picking out people who offend ME and writing about them. Believe me, there are a lot of people who offend me, and I've not written about them. If it's just personal and it has no bearing on public interest or possibly my or my son's safety, I have no need or desire to write about stuff. But if I have to write about someone to defend myself or clear my own name, that's what I'll do.
I appreciate your goodwill and your prayers and thanks for writing. I wish you the best as well, with your 2 & 4 year old (great ages) and for energy keeping up with the live wires! I did forget to mention...there were a couple of times I blogged when my son was not taking a nap or in bed at night and that was while he was sitting on a couch right next to me, watching a movie. Usually I would take time out to watch the movie with him and point things out and talk about stuff, or watch him do the pointing and interact, and he enjoyed sitting on my lap or close to me and holding my hand, but otherwise, if I knew he wasn't stationary in one spot close to me, I was not doing my own thing. My son had full and aboslute supervision with me. I never let him out of my sight and all my neighbors know this is true!
Keep me in mind,
Cam
I wouldn't ask anyone for their opinnions other than your attorney. There are complex rules of evidence and other mitigating factors, that unless someone is a licensed attorney with specific experience in this field, their opinnion is moot.
Thank you. I agree this is true. What's sort of sad is that I was deprived reasonable public representation for far too long. To expect any parent who has been traumatized by this, to represent themselves, and try to claim they are "mentally ill" is strange.
If someone is too mentally ill, supposedly, to care for a child, how are they NOT too mentally ill to reprent themself?
I can say I have a lot of empathy for others because of what I've seen. I believe very bad things happen to families because of discrimination and abuse of powers. In a small town especially, you "insult" the wrong people, and they go after your kid.
I knew this was going to happen and was heading this direction one full year before it happened and asked for help from others. I knew what the motives were, back then.
I am not psychotic, delusional, or paranoid or any of these other things that have been claimed (and then withdrawn, and then claimed again) by CPS.
What they have known, what the department knew from the beginning, was that I had mild PTSD because of specific forms of harassment leveled at me.
To then take someone's child and add to this distress, has resulted in what I believe is something a former CPS and mental health counselor calls "adjustment disorder". You don't ask a parent who is going through this, to represent themself.
I also don't think it's acceptable that I had to deal with public defense that wouldn't listen to me or GIVE me a reasonable defense, based on what I was telling them. My public defenders CHOSE not to believe that I had any injuries from childbirth, or that there was a motive for going after me. It turns out, I was not lying nor did I exaggerate. But all of this could have been prevented if:
1. CPS had followed their own rules and protocol to start with,
2. State "officials" or "authorities" had not slandered me to Canadian officials, who had no clue what to think,
3. Someone or even an entire group had been willing to really consider the best interests of the child, and apologize and make amends.
A LOT of people are willing to forgive and move on with their lives, if others are willing to take the step of apologizing and making amends. When you cover things up, it's one lie built upon another and the greater the fibs, the greater the incentive is to never get caught and go to extreme lengths to justify the means to an end.
I have seriously considered just uploading evidence online and the only reason I do NOT, is with the idea that if there is something in reserve, perhaps someone is willing to fix this. But I am just starting to wonder if the court of public opinion, in the long run, is stronger. I just wonder.
My son, to this day, has not been happy with what's happened. He was trying not to cry and telling me not to leave again, and to stay right "there" at the state offices. I came out unexpectedly when he was going through a different door, and after seeing me again, had to be tugged along to leave. He walked backwards all the way from the visitation room, to the exit, waving, blowing kisses, and trying to go back to me. Today he even tried to reopen the door to the room while I was still there, after the door had been shut. My son turned around, and fought to open the door to get back in and be with me, and as he was led away, refused to take his eyes off of me.
My child has been treated like a lamb to the slaughter. Then, he goes home and, it is said, "acts out" and CPS and CASA writes this up as if it's a manifestation of having spent time with ME, when really it's evidence he is constantly traumatized by the forced separation, which is contrary to his will and his rights.
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