Plans For Another Country

I'm just not very functional today. I haven't made any calls, and haven't written anything significant.

I'm having sharp pin like cramps on the opposite side of where the baby is. The baby was always found by sonogram, on my right side and it's on the left, by the ovary, where I feel the shooting pain.

I don't have other pain. In fact, I guess my other pressure pain from pregnancy is gone, or I'm just walking around as much.

I wish this would just happen because I find myself typing in "fetus comes back to life" and "people who have come back from the dead" far too often now. I know what has happened, and I do accept it, but there is that small part of completely unrealistic hope. That baby that survived a death, was older, and then placed in a cooler. There are a lot of medical examples of people coming back to life after being frozen or close to frozen or cooling down. Although, I would say, it is significant that there was no heartbeat in that Israeli fetus, before they did the D&C. How crazy. Maybe it was just a quick lapse though, and then it recovered in the cooler. I don't know. I read another example where a 2 month old's heartbeat stopped for over 20 minutes and then he came back to life.

These are extremely rare anomalies.

I still wish it could be this way for me but it's not. I just had another extremely sharp stabbing pain, low underneath the hip bone almost, on the left side. Little sharp twinges.

This will be fine, because I will be in a better position to fight for my son now, and more mobile and active and not having to struggle with pain in my body and a growing pregnancy. That's looking on the bright side. The bright side is that I will be able to move around more easily, not just physically, but I will be free to go places and do things that are important for getting my son back and holding people accountable for what they've done.

I've pretty much decided on a country. Someone came to me first, so that was a good sign, and then I went to their embassy and they were welcoming. I believe they would give me political asylum and they didn't doubt my claims. I think they could help me even in publishing books and poetry. Obviously, I can write prolifically (if not always importantly), and I could rip out a couple of books to sell.

I am not abandoning my son. I still have to upload the audio I have of CPS trying to prevent me from even filing a release form to get services started in D.C. I can prove evidence was withheld, and that my public defense was non-existent. My rights were violated, and my son was traumatized.

I am getting him back, but I am going to be rich first. And when I say rich, I mean fucking RICH, and I will find people to help me accomplish this.

I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket. Some would be stored safely, and some possibly invested wisely, and I can keep writing, and keep the income flowing. Then I can use a large portion for paying for a damn good U.S. civil attorney to hold people accountable for NOT FOLLOWING U.S. LAWS and for damages.

My goal, after getting my son back, will be to dedicate my time, money, and talent, to helping others and to fix the justice system and expose corruption within the justice system. I would also be happy to help bring attention to my host countries causes, but I don't want to be a political pawn for ANYONE.

I hope every country understands me on that. I do not wish to be the enemy of any country. I hope to be someone others can trust, who doesn't hide things under a rug, who will speak up for them, and who is a peacemaker. I want justice, for what has happened to me,and I want justice for others who are oppressed, but by obtaining justice, my aim is still peace. I will forgive and forget when justice has been served, and when I feel I can be productive on behalf of the rights of others.

So when I leave, I'm not leaving to become another country's "spy", and I'm obviously not a spy for this country, and all I want is for justice, and to be able to do meaningful work. Sometimes, the only path to peace is through exacting a price first. Peace is not attained when a group is silent. That is not peace. That is silence. Peace can be attained through active work and speaking out, which seems contrary to peace, but is sometimes the only way to get attention drawn to injustice.

I do not advocate violence. Violence has been done to me and my son, and in return, I would not do this to someone, even if I knew who did it. I have never been a violent person, but I believe everybody should be a mouthpiece for the truth.

And those are my goals.

I hope I am not killed before I'm old, because even though I have enemies, I have a lot of wisdom to share with others, and my stories of survival can be inspiring to anybody. We all need testimonies to the human spirit, overcoming adversity and great odds.

This is why I believe my stories of survival are internationally understood. Because no matter where we come from, we are all the same inside. I also think it's important to document our history, because others will be able to take strength from it.