Hate Mail About My Parenting

I am not even going to post the latest comment because it has no point and serves no purpose. It's like the kinds of comments one sees beneath "youtube" clips, where someone just loses it (or has already lost it) and goes off.

I guess I could sum up the main points. The first point was for this person to say I am a "stupid, sick, selfish person". The second point, which actually could bear clarification, which I'll do for her, was to accuse me of "teaching a child to use a lighter" and "letting your child feed you pills."

This is a perspective of someone who doesn't really supervise or monitor children properly, in my opinion. Because my theory is not to "teach children" to do anything which is remotely dangerous and then just leave them unattended. If one is going to assume the responsibility of allowing a child to figure out how the world works, the caregiver must also be able to fully attend to and monitor that child's activities.

It is no different from allowing a child to sit on a parent's lap and "drive the car". I was allowed to do this on a country road. That didn't mean I got out behind the wheel of a car, at age 7, to take the car for a spin.

There are things which children can observe or learn, with the full supervision of a good parent.

I wasn't teaching my son how to "use a lighter" by showing him the mechanisms at play, anymore than I was teaching my son to drive a tractor by letting him observe the machinery, for hours, in an orchard, and explaining how brakes and different things work.

Kids are not idiots. It is the unfortunate plight of many American children, who then become adults, to get such a late start in life or be treated like china dolls or as if this is what the world is made of, until they're in their teens.

It is usuallly parents who have more money and resources, who are able to give their kids a head start, and who have time to monitor all their activities. A child born to a parent of any class or social standing, can benefit by having a proper education and an early respect for their intelligence, as LONG as they also understand and know this child will be under CONSTANT adult supervision. It is only when the adults disappear and leave a child to themself, that there is even a risk of danger. And that has never been what my philosophy is.

For example, there are many thing a toddler can run into around a t.v. or VCR/DVD player. A young toddler could even get hurt by being around one, or inserting a finger or hand.

There are some parents who would then choose not to allow their kids around the T.V. and DVD player until they're 4 years old. And that's fine--that's personal choice. However, some parents want their kids to be able to satisfy their curiosity and grow at an advanced rate, which is my thought process. If my son is showing an interest in putting his own movie in, before he is 1 year old, I can choose to either keep him away, because of possible risk, OR I can give him instructions on how to do it right and then supervise the entire time. My son could put in his own movie and knew how to use the remote control, before he was 1 year old, as a result.

If I had not been willing to supervise him all the time, this wouldn't be a good idea,, because his fingers could get stuck in the machine if I were not paying attention.

But, as all of my former neighbors have testified, my son was NEVER out of my sight. Never. And in addition to this, I never randomly left my son with others either, so there was never a risk of his repeating what he learned, in the presence of someone else who wasn't paying attention. As a mother, I took full responsibility for my son. My son was extremely advanced in most developmental areas as a result, because I did not limit him and instead, encouraged him to explore within boundaries of my loving and watchful eye.

If a parent isn't going to commit to giving constant supervision or doesn't have the resources to ensure someone else will do this, sure, then there are more limitations in what a child should learn. You're not going to give a bee bee gun to a 4 year old and let them alone with it in a daycare. But with supervision of an adult or in the country, after learning to use one correctly, there is nothing wrong with this.

Kids are far smarter than we give them credit for. They are constantly looking for new challenges, and it's when adults keep them down, that they get bored and start watching t.v. all the time.

There is nothing wrong with teaching a child to use a knife, a sharp kitchen knife even, at age 3. Most kids have enough coordination to be able to do this, with good supervision and hands on. After I had let my own son do this, I read somewhere online that even Princess Diana taught her kids this at this age...letting them "help". Because, if you're going to always supervise, there is ZERO risk.

What I think is sad, is when kids are made to sit in a sterile house, where everything is off the floor and out of reach, and are told to be content with cartoons and blocks and cars. There is more to life than that, and when people limit kids, especially when they're so curious and have a great capacity for acquiring knowledge and new skills, it just makes for problems then and later.

I don't believe the children of the rich are any smarter than the children of the poor. The difference is only that sometimes there is more time and resources available to those who have more money. But even the poor, if they're not having to work all the time, or if they have a caregiver who is excellent and in line with their philosophy, even the poor can help their children to explore their world and excel.

So I believe, my parenting is not "stupid, sick, and selfish" and that it is the exact opposite because it is so time-intensive. It isn't possible to give kids this kind of room to explore and learn, if the parent isn't willing to sacrifice their own time and schedule, as they are able, to fulfill the needs and desires of their children.

I didn't become a mother to just "have a kid". I knew from the time I was 11 years old or younger, that I was not going to just be any kind of mother, I was going to be an extraordinary one, and to prepare for this, all my work was with children.

Which makes this entire case with my son very ironic.

I babysat and was the neighborhoods best babysitter, and people would drive a half hour or more to have me babysit for them, because their kids liked me so much. I did it because I enjoyed it, wanted kids to have fun, and because I wanted to learn and be a good mom one day.

I then did private lessons at an elementary school while I was still in high school, and the only reason I did NOT go into elementary education and become a teacher, was because on my father's side of the family, there are a lot of teachers and they said it was difficult to really "teach" anymore and it was more administrative and a bunch of red tape. So instead, I chose to be a nanny for several families, to keep up with my experience with kids.

In my photos taken with others' children, there are shots of the kids jumping on my bed, which I allowed, because everyone needs to let loose now and then, and yet all over the bed are "Parent's" magazines, which I personally subscribed to, along with Gourmet cooking (which I never really did). I also checked out tons of magazines and books about children from libraries and bought them used.

I worked with older kids too, as a camp counselor and in jr. high mentorships.

No one in Wenatchee, ever BOTHERED to inquire about my parenting experience or my life because in Wenatchee, people got on my bad side and they gossiped and formed their own closed-minded ideas about what kind of a mother I must be if I was on "welfare".

Meanwhile, I was being asked to "start working" when I was still recovering from childbirth trauma, and told I could put my infant son in a nursery for babies where it was 8 beds to 2 workers. I'm sorry, but there are not enough arms for holding babies in that situation. I refused to do what the state wanted me to do, to put my son into what was a basic orphanage, and stayed home with him instead, and he was extremely happy and well-adjusted. The state preferred that I be off of their payroll, and working, even if it meant a baby was raised in a orphanage environment. Who has EVER had the "best interests" of my son and his emotional and physical and intellectual well-being at heart? His mother, and that's about IT.

So, because I was still recovering from medical injuries, I was able to stay home with him and give him one-on-one attention, which, to some, just made it look like I was staying on welfare and because they never once observed us together, got all kinds of false ideas about what kind of mother I was.

The only people who really knew, were the hispanic and other neighbors in a more low-level neighborhood. No one else even bothered to get to know me. Another woman was a librarian, a good one and a very smart woman, who saw me and my son together at the library all the time.

I hardly need anyone else to tell ME how to be a better parent or mother. I could take the kids of at least 6 other families, who are in crappy daycares or preschools, and have those kids happy and healthy and ready to start kindergarden well ahead of the normal age range.

I am not only well educated in child psychology and child development, even if it is self-taught, I am intuitive and observant with kids. Finally, I have most of my life experience literally working with children.

The only reason I am blocked from audio taping the visits with my son, is because someone from the state needs to lie here and there to make it look like there was a good reason for his removal to begin with, when there never was, and when all it was about was punishing me for making adults upset, and politics, and dirty politics at that. Not to mention, I brought up the fact we were having some health problems which had nothing to do with my care, but were either environmental or the result of gang activity which extends to greater circles than one might think.

None of that, was my or my son's fault, and to try to protect him and care for him without constant harassment, I tried to go elsewhere.

Ever since, both my son and I have been needlessly punished and separated without cause.

Ironically, prior to having my son taken from me, I was trying to start up my own preschool, small-scale, and was looking into licensing and everything and then the fact that my son was taken, has ruined my life career choices. I not only lost my son, without cause, I lost my livlihood and what my future goals of having a preschool while my son was younger and so thereby keeping him under my supervision as well as helping a few other kids, and then my plan was to work on finishing my B.A. in English Lit and then get my law degree at night.