Saturday, February 16, 2013



Look!  it says "mum" in there.

I don't know what happened.  I didn't try to make it happen. 

I put on this song by The Smiths called "Stretch Out And Wait".
I saw my parents this morning and I was going to greet them when they got back with a rug.  She said, "Wait" because they were going to take time to do some things so I went to the house and started looking up my surrogacy stuff.  I wanted a song and typed in "Wait" and saw nothing and then I wondered if the Smiths had anything like "wait".  So I typed that in, having never seen a Smith's song like that and one came up!  "Stretch out and wait."

So I have been listening to this same song all day.  And then what happened, is on one of the sites I decided to use a symbol for a username or signature or whatever.  So I brought up this Russian language bar because the other day I saw script and noticed this one character that looked like a c going left and a c going right with a line in the center, and I liked it and wondered what letter it stood for.  So I was on this site and typing into their boxes and then brought up Russian script.

I decided to try to find that character on my keyboard, and brought up a word document.  So the letters came out blue like this because that's what color I guess the site I was on was using.  I typed in letters randomly, not following any pattern and then typed them in again to find the ж.  I ended up finding a string of letters with "Mum" there.

I know this sounds very odd, but I thought it was like looking at a charm bracelet a baby boy gets, where it's on an elastic cord that goes around the wrist and has little letters on beads with their name spelled out, or "baby boy" or whatever.

And I thought it was very odd, because I have been listening to this stretch out and wait song all day. 

I like the rhythm and nuance of the song so it's very good on its own, to me.  I also like singing to it

I don't take it as a sexual song, that's not the context I've heard it in.  I hear it as people wondering if they should have children or not.  And it speaks about liars.  I think it's sort of conversation.  This way and that way and this way and that way...

Well, if I spelled something that means anything in Russian inadvertently I wouldn't know.

So anyway, I used the  ж  for my signature.

Something feels like deja vu.  Like I've done this before.  It came up randomly though.  It's too bad false prophets like to torture out ...well, anyway...I have my opinions and I am the one tortured.

I am absolutely positive about being being a surrogate in another country.  What do I have to wait for?  Death in the U.S.?
My parents are psychic enough to know the english lettering for old is in it.  I tried typing in a search for translation after my Mom was saying no one likes to hear negative about others and it gets old.  I said yes, and that is one reason I can't live here.  The main reason is I am tortured. So torture gets old and it gets old and makes me feel old and I'm not going to live in a country like this, as a hostage.  I said, 'This country has held me hostage for 20 years and they are going to PAY ME."  She was handing me some clothing detergent that I'd asked for earlier to wash some washcloths.  So I was standing there holding that bag of white powder and saying, "...AND THEY ARE GOING TO PAY ME."  My Mom said, "Well, keep dreaming" and I said, "They're going to PAY ME."  And then I turned and said once more, "They're going to PAY ME" and I walked off the porch with the bag of white stuff.

Then I got in and poured it over these white and blue washclothes I had been trying to clean with other things, and then looked up a translation and found the word "old" in the string of letters.  Old! in English.  Which seriously has me wondering about my parents.  They are so psychic it's scary.  They have really been tortured too.  Anyway.

What's funny is I was thinking, "What is getting old?" and yeah, she said the negativism is getting old, which I responded to, but then I was thinking, what else is old.  What's getting old?  My deja vu?  me, yeah, I'm getting old but that's not it.  The mashed potatoes I'm eating?  The song I was playing over and over? and then I saw what the english translation of the russian characters of the words is "old".

I thought, "I can't believe it".  I know my parents don't know the Russian language.  They are just that good, but I think they get trapped, tortured, and tricked out of things because of it.  We are all hostages. Torture is getting old and it wears on you.  I've been a hostage for 20 years.

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