Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Star Wars & Shoes On Wrong Feet

I had a horrible feeling tonight. 

I wrote to my son and cried.  I just had a bad feeling about today, at least tonight.  I haven't seen Star Wars since the 1980s.

Last night I looked up Return of the Jedi, or it was the night before, for a book to add to a list for my son's reading.  It was the only novel from the series I read.

I have no clue what any of the new series is about.  I haven't even seen trailers.

I have only seen Star Wars I, II, and III (Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi).  I haven't even seen these again, since maybe early 90s.  80s and possibly early 1990, maybe.  Whenever the 3rd one came out, I saw it once or twice and never saw anything after it.

So I am out of touch with common culture.  I remember the classics, but I haven't seen the newer ones.  I haven't even heard the plot lines or talked to anyone about them.  I knew Portman was in one of them, and it was set back when Luke was a kid supposedly, and that's all I know.  So I looked up the wiki and skimmed through but only to see the posters and find out what order they are in.

Is that odd?  I don't know, I might see it differently now that I'm older, even the first ones.

Tonight I decided to play Aerosmith's "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" and then I went ahead to open a new window and play a section from Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back.  I was going to go with the third one but tried the Empire one. 

I guess I could rent them and watch them.  Maybe I will find out what some of the things people have referenced are about, if they've ever referenced these movies.  Because up until I watch, all this time, I've been oblivious.

I got these flowers today for Valentines Day.  Red roses and white lilies and they're very pretty.  I took them out in my arm and then realized they reminded me of my homecoming queen bouquet.  I have them on my table now and right now the white ones, and the white card stand out, and during the day or light I can also see the red or crimson ones. 

I had my lights on but I turned them off because sometimes I like to be able to see out of my window at my parent's house and see what lights are on over there.  Aha.  And just now, another light went on.

At this moment, the white lilies that I can see look like white tulips sort of.  It's because they are only opened a little ways and I see 2 of them mostly, and then the dark black outline of the roses. They are just catching a little bit of light from the laptop.  And now the light is out and someone must have gone downstairs.

Anyway, not reporting on it, it's just that I like to keep a lookout on the place when I can.

There are a few other flower outlines, unopened.

The card is just in its jacket,with my name on it but I see the shape and that's all.

I wrote to my son today, about why feelings are evoked.

I'm not going to do anything for Valentine's Day, tomorrow.  Today was enough and maybe later, I'll make cards for my parents and give them to them.  But I don't think I will be celebrating tomorrow, specifically, in any way.  I don't believe I have ever had a Valentine's Day that I celebrated as such.  Not a real one.  Not ever.  I am sure it will either stay that way or sometime be different, but no one has a claim on it for me.  It's my Independence Day. 
This is how they look at night, like tulips

I'll take some during the day.  They look whiter than this though.  And this camera won't take photos at low light.  If I take it with lights out and only webcam light, it takes a solid black photo.  This is how it looks to my eyes with just the webcam, but is actually with a full small light in the background shining on it, and then I can take a semblance of how it appears the other way.  I'll take one in the morning to show the red roses.  These are my parent's wedding colors too, red and white.  I was wearing all black today.  My Mom's flowers are purple and lavendar, very pretty.  They are both nice bouquets.  I really love flowers.  I felt too much weird sadness with these at first.  Like they were funeral flowers, and then they reminded me of my homecoming flowers, but really I do like roses and lilies and the scent.  I don't know what it was.  Something was giving me the eebie jeebies like I felt I wanted to be near my parents and had some kind of sad or bad feeling.  I did have a good feeling today at times too.  But tonight, I sensed a sadness.  I went back and said I didn't want to be out there and they said I'd just have to learn to live with it. 

Tonight my Dad asked me if my feet hurt.  I said no, why? or just why? He pointed at my shoes and said, "There's your answer."  They were facing outwards.  The left shoe faced out and the right shoe faced out like shoes side by side on the wrong feet.  They were my black k-mart shoes with the rubber soles sliced up from police work in Middleton, TN.  My Mom said she thought he'd said "did you feed her?" (about the cat). 

Pretty much, the only person who did a shoe backwards thing was Anne Crain/Crane with my son Oliver.  It wasn't backwards, it was shoes on the wrong feet.  Right shoe on left foot and left shoe on right foot.  I don't think my Dad was refering to that, but as all these newspaper were talking about water, and didn't get to the water fast enough, I thought about Kathy Hathaway and my Mom's chrome sores on her feet. 

My feet hurt when I'm electrocuted with technology.  I had to buy these black slip ons for work at Logan's.  I wear them around the house mainly.  But my Dad was just making a joke.  They are zig zag straps though, sort of the way my black skirt had that kind of lacing, a black skirt I had until it was stolen by Shannon Borg and her Canadian partner.  But the shoe design is the same as the black lacing was at the back of my skirt.

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