Monday, February 18, 2013

Updated: Impression of crystal drop on forehead (& torture of my parents)

I just had a weird thing happen.  Okay, it's not weird, and I'm going to put this into draft form in a minute.  I don't get impressions of things visually, minds-eye, hardly ever.  I was just singing a few things, first out of Isaiah and then from psalms.  When I sang the second psalm that I came to, it was #144 and I kept my eyes open the whole time, but was thinking about it as I sang.  Then, at the end, I briefly closed my eyes and I didn't plan it or anything, but I saw something in the center of my forehead.  Which must sound really strange and I don't know how to describe it.

I had my eyes closed for a second, and then all of a sudden, the minute I closed my eyes...first I sang and then I was humming or singing a melody without words, and closed my eyes.  In the minds-eye, I saw this clear teardrop shape.  It was above my eyes, and in the center of my forehead, and it was like someone held it up to the center of my forehead, and in that way, I shouldn't be able to see it, but I had this sense of it held up to my forehead and also seeing it, but in the minds eye.

It was sometime at 6 p.m, almost 7 p.m.  Just a few minutes or less before that time and I checked the wall clock and computer and it was then.  I opened my eyes and looked around to see if anything might have triggered the idea but I actually saw it and the shape of it and sort of the thickness.

It made me think of the thing in the center of the girl's forehead in Neverending Story so I clicked on it and I couldn't see well enough until I enlarged it and there is a tear shaped clear thing hanging from her forehead.  I remembered she had a tiara band or something with an item in the center but I wasn't sure it I remembered it was tear-shaped or not.  But it is. It's pretty much the same idea, but what I saw on my forehead was like someone put it there.

I wasn't thinking of this story or movie.  I briefly thought this melody sounds a little star-trek like or something, and so I varied it a little, but I had no intention of seeing anything when I closed my eyes.  I closed my eyes again later, after thinking about it and it wasn't there, so it was just in that moment that I saw it.  It sort of looked like the outline of a shape in the center of my forehead and then I suddenly saw dimension to it, like a crystal tear shape from a chandelier or earring or prism drop but it was clear, it was tear shaped, and all I saw was the shape.  I didn't see it attached as an earring or headband or anything.  In my minds-eye, it was sort of larger than it looks like on the poster for the movie but I don't think it has to be about that movie at all.  It seemed to take up more space or was a larger shape than the size in the poster. When I saw it take shape, instantly, it was right away, it was sort of wasn't a flat object that was tear shaped. It was like a chandelier or crystal or jewel kind of tear shape.

I think it's the only time I've seen this on my body in this way, on my forehead.  I know there was one other time something from Neverending Story came to mind, or some idea of an object, but I don't remember seeing this specifically, the way I just saw it, out of the blue, in the middle of my forehead.  I really don't know what it means.  Maybe nothing, but it makes me wonder.

I went to my computer and then I saw the dining table lamp on and then it was off.  Torture has been worse for my family recently I think, and increased at times today, but I hope it improves.  We are honestly suffering in pain.
It is 8:40 p.m. now and I was doing some other things.  My toilet started to leak, and I could hear it, so I got up to let my family know.  My mother came to the door and the U.S. totally tortured her brain and eye.  Her left eye was totally droopy and at first I thought maybe she was just closing it more.  But no, I saw that even with both eyelids open as much as possible, her right eyeball is protruding in a huge way, sticking out more than her left one.

Her boss, Debbie Sweetwater-Burt was in this bizarre mood today when I called for my Mom too. It was actually creepy.  I already don't trust her and know she's part of bad things done to my mom, but there have been a few times she just gives me the creeps, literally, like, she sounds so happy and carefree when I know something bad is happening to my mom.  It's like the demon of triumph vibe, which is what I picked up from her today.  So then I just saw my Mom, and she is definitely tortured.  It is 100% U.S. technology because I've had the same thing done to me, and my son has been photographed this way.  There is no way to do this to yourself.  So my mother was tortured to her brain today or tonight and one of her eyes is sticking out from it.  She didn't act differently and tried to be very natural and cheerful but it was obvious.  I didn't notice earlier because of the glare of the laptop.  Also, I think someone is trying to force her to sell her car.  It's happened before and I think it's happening again. 

My Dad's eyes looked like he'd been wearing tight large pilot goggles all day.  It's not even the outline of swimming (lap) goggles. It's larger.  Swimming goggles, these days, are smaller and right around the eye and the marks around his eyes and area or circumference looks more like something from wearing tight pilot goggles.

They said not to talk about government or torture while in the house, and if I did, I had to leave, so I didn't.  I didn't say one word that was about any of it, or the U.S. or government or any problems or things I noticed and I said nothing negative.  However, I did what they asked, and then I got to my place and I'm still worried.  At this point, it doesn't even seem real anymore.  I think I'm in temporary shock now, having seen my mother's eyes, to try to even process that this is really happening, in this country.

I'm not even sure who or what or why I had an impression of some clear teardrop thing either.  For all I know it's something good, and I would assume this, as I was singing psalms and meaning it with my heart; or it's just some secular thing someone sent to me in an idea somehow, but it was instant.  I don't like the idea that some of the things I pick up on are maybe good and then sometimes maybe someone tries to send me things that are not from people I would care about.  Why would anyone need a maid.  That's a tangent idea but it's relevant to something else.  Maybe my son needs a maid.  I need a maid.  I do. 

?  So the other thing is that I have had several impressions of some blond guy.  But that's the last thing I will share for now.  I don't have impressions hardly ever and that's fine with me.  I keep seeing some young man though, who has blond hair.  It's not flaxen as in flaxen white, but almost that light.  It's straight and very light yellow blond and thick.  Sort of longer, like a bowl cut kind of cut but not bowl cut.  Just that same kind of length.  The last time I had an impression of him was several days ago when I first added my name to a gestational surrogate list again.  I either told my parents or didn't, I can't remember but it was right after.  That night, it was about 8 p.m. or so my time, and I saw him in daylight.  So if it was daylight where he was, and it was dark where I was, I figured he must live in a different time zone.  Maybe someone was watching t.v. or a movie and I saw it but it was more like seeing someone in real time, but somewhere else, in a different country.  I saw his back.  He was sitting on a curb or bench or something and looking down sort of, like he was thinking about something.  I could see all of this hair, and his back and posture and that it was daylight and he was looking at his hands and thinking.  I haven't seen anyone who looks like him or has his hair in this area, so I can't say it's someone here.   There was no romantic connotation or anything, I just wondered why I had an impression of him at all.  It didn't seem to be layered that much and he was sitting with his head sort of looking at something he had in his hands or just his hands, and he sat with his legs apart and bent at the knee, casual, and I saw his back like I was standing behind him. He wasn't sitting on a chair though, and it seemed to be outside.  I think it's no big deal, I just wondered who it was, because I've seen him more than once.  He's about early 20s to mid 20s at most.  It came to mind as I was walking through my house and sort of praying maybe or just wondering about my being a gestational surrogate.  It's not like whatever impression I had influenced me in any way or felt like it was indicating anything.  I didn't assume anything.  I didn't think oh, that's someone whose wife wants a kid, or who wants a kid, or knows who I am, or anything like that.  I had zero assumptions attached to it.  I just saw it and that was all.  I think the only thing I thought was, what time is it?  and I looked and then thought, "It's probably not England or UK because it would still be dark over there."  It was a great enough time difference, I thought, to be some other country.  Who knows.  No big deal.
I guess I'll sketch the perspective I saw, but just remember it's not a sample of my actual artistic skill!  I'll add some information too, first.

several days ago:
Q.  "What does my son want?" 
A. "A maid". (deep voice)
Q.  "A maid?  My son needs a maid?" 
(ponder.  I don't get it.  My son?)

Comment:  "I do."
(ponder.  huh?  because I make good milk?)
This is something, some ideas I might put into a poem or something, but we'll see.  Not right now.  It doesn't have anything to do with the impressions I had--it's just a creative thing I wanted to jot down that I might work on later and I don't want to forget.
The teardrop thing in the center of my forehead looked clear.  I didn't see a prism or facets to it really, just the shape of the teardrop and clear glass.  It was sort of like I could see it, in the minds-eye, from the underside of it, where it rested against the middle of my forehead, and then was able to see out from that.  All of it, happened in about 1 second or a few seconds.  It was fast.  But it was this shape in the center of my forehead and then I saw the object as if looking through it from underneath and could see out, from this, that it was clear.  And it wasn't round, it wasn't flat like a sticker, it was sort of curved like a teardrop pendant from a chandelier might be.  It wasn't a marble or anything.  There was zero mistake of the shape, clarity, and size when I saw it.  I just looked at a ruler and put it to my head to get an idea of the size, how I sensed it and saw it.  It was about 1 inch tall and maybe 1/2 or more inches across the center or so.  But that's maybe not an actual size, just the approximate amount of space it took up as I saw it on my forehead.

As to the blond man, in that one impression I couldn't see his face but I had the impression he was 20s to mid 20s.  I didn't have any assumption on whether he was married or single.  I thought single because I saw him alone, but no idea.  I've seen him before, not in real life, but impressions.  I don't know if he's the same one putting something on the table, when I had that impression, or not.  I don't know.

Here are some sketches of the perspective I saw him from. Don't judge my artistic ability by them because it's just for an idea. I sketched these outlines within a few minutes but the proportions aren't right. At least it gives an idea of angle

This would be a sketch of more of the side angle, looking at him as if he faced to the right of the screen, but that's not the angle I saw him at. It's just that the angle I saw, is harder to draw!  I haven't had a figure drawing class in over a decade.

This is a back angle, but the arms are in too close to the body and I didn't get the legs right.  I saw more of an angle of being right behind him, so I could see how his legs were, casually to the side.  I saw him walk over, sit down, and look sort of at his hands or something.  The next one is the back of shoulders, leaning over, and hair falling forward, showing back of head.  It wasn't wavy though--it was straight, but sort of this longer kind of cut.  Lots of hair.

This one is hard to see and not very good.  It's showing sort of what the front angle would be, mostly with arms and legs, but the legs were out in front more, not exactly hunched up.  I needed to put the knees out in more of a spot-on angle. I didn't see him from the front, only the back, but he was sitting sort of this way, maybe not with elbows on knees all the time, and in front of him.  I saw him from the back, and the back of his head.  I don't know who he is.  He was wearing full length pants.  I didn't really notice the shirt. I think there were sleeves but I didn't pay attention. It was bright outside where he was, or at least daylight, and it was outdoors.  So, like I said, it wasn't white-blond, but very light blond, like a flaxen yellow almost, and very thick, and straight.
I had two impressions of him that day.  In one he looked upset, and I saw his face but the weird part is I don't remember it.  It was that he was upset.  I can't remember how everything looked though.  And then the next one was where I saw him sitting and thinking.  But I saw him twice in the same hour.

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