Family Secrets SPILLING (Part One)

Oh baby is it time for ME to lay out the truth about my sweet aunt holly and what I haven't already revealed about my family.

First of all, IRS, keep an eye on my fucking MOTHER.

I'll start with this woman first. My mother. Dicksie-dael Garrett. My mothers favorite game when she was a child was "banker". She had her eye on her own mother's "gold tooth", and was thinking about the day Granny died, so it would fall into her then-6 year old hands. When she became a mother herself, she didn't need to go on welfare, but was always thinking about an extra income. So she put her kids, and her 11 year old daughter, to work, while she sat at home reading romance novels and talking on the phone. My mother is the queen of manipulation. She will do whatever it takes to get others to believe her. She was sued for giving out fraudulent information in a real estate deal, and I believed her, at the time, that she was innocent. I don't now. I've seen too much. I think those defendants should have been compensated for a pattern of lying and cheating I've witnessed in Dicksie.

I am not destroying my own family, in revealing these things--they destroyed themselves and I kept quiet for a long time. They were willing to see ME destroyed, my mother's side of the family, as they falsely accused me of things and I ended up in jail with no assistance because my own family wanted me to pay. My mother is one of the greediest individuals I know. Which is probably why I especially loathe those that take advantage of others, and corporations. Actually, I give that credit to the Abbey and Abbey lawyers.

As for my mother, she was willing to put forth a contractual offer to provide assistance for a private attorney and then BACKED OUT. Just as she probably cheated and lied to get that real estate deal, she cheated her own daughter because she didn't think I'd actually agree to her outrageous conditions and didn't want to follow through and pay for a private attorney.

When I was in high school, I heard my mother bragging over the phone, to her friends and to her tax accountant, that she was getting some tax breaks that WERE GREAT, even though they weren't legal. And then my own mother tried to get a fucking tax break off of her daughter, by attempting to steal from ME. She told me, a grown adult woman, not to file for myself as "independent" on my tax form, because SHE was claiming me as a "dependent" on their form, so they could get a deduction. I was in college. My mother was PISSED when I refused. I even think she claimed me anyway, hoping no one would notice, but I don't know for sure. I later said something to her about her little tax "breaks" from her lawyer. She had hired someone who would lie for her, and not tell, but was so excited about it, she bragged about it. I found this disgusting and when I confronted her, she tried to punish me in her own way, and after that, denied ever cheating on her taxes.

My mother went to Mexico when my father separated from her. I know my mother has several bank accounts, and I don't even know where all of them are. But I would bet you money, she opened up a new one in Mexico.

My mother--on being cheap...She wanted to get people what was cheapest for HER, and never cared about what they really wanted. What this meant, is that EVERYONE, no matter how close to the family they were, got a fucking crockpot for their kid's wedding shower. She found a good sale, and thought no one would notice when they saw everyone else opening, voila!, the very same gift THEY got. A cheap, country style crockpot. I remember trying to go to a school dance. There was plenty of money to buy a dress as I had been required to spend my own money for things, from babysitting jobs my mother acquired for me, as my "agent", without my permission.

No one even asked ME if I wanted to babysit. From the age of 11, my mother started telling people I could babysit. When I got to high school and didn't want to take every job, she refused to listen to me and accepted jobs without asking me about it first. Only my father stood up for me and told her she needed to ask me. So this made my mother more bitter towards me, every time my father stood up on my behalf. Then she started taking jobs for me to sing at weddings for her friends. And everyone wanted to know why I was grumpy and in a bad mood at the Roarke's daughter's wedding. I was singing for my mother, and didn't have a choice. I tried to refuse and my mother threw a FIT.

My mother wanted me to date a 28 year old man when I was 16 years old. She arranged the group date and I overheard her talking about how much money he had from a lawsuit because of a major head injury he acquired through an MVA. He drove a foreign sportscar. I was SIXTEEN. I told my parents I wasn't interested in him because he wasn't right in the head and his choice of movies was a violent clint eastwood movie and then Fievel Goes West.

All my mother ever talked about, was my getting married. And she had my whole wedding planned. I was going to wear a satin gown with white rabbit fur trim and a big fat rabbit fur muff instead of a bouquet. She said we were going to get married in the winter and ride off on a sleigh. She was panicked when I wasn't married by age 18. She thought there was something wrong with me. I said I wanted to go to college and asked for support. They refused. They told me to get married. All my mother wanted, was for someone else to take financial responsibility for me and for me to be "out" of the family. I dated a ton of men and was told I was "too picky" because I didn't want to be serious with any of them. My mother decided that maybe there was no hope, when I hit 24 and was not married. I was told maybe I should go to college. But my mother wanted me to be a dental assistant. A hygenist. She didn't care what I wanted to do, she pointed out a huge list of jobs in the paper, hiring for dental hygenists, and said I needed to do that. I told there was a good reason so many dentists were desperate to hire. My mother didn't care if my personality wasn't suited to meticulously picking the crap out of other people's teeth, she just wanted me to do what SHE thought was best, and didn't care about what I wanted.

Then I went to college, barely getting by, paying for everything myself and working when my parents could well afford to send their kids to college. I was told later, that they decided they would help me if I got "A's" and "B's". I don't know what kind of grades they THOUGHT I was getting. But I was told they would pay for any class for which I received the grade A or B. When it came time to pay up and I showed my transcript, almost all A's, they decided instead of paying for each class ($300+ each), they would pay $100 a month toward living expenses. And then that promise only lasted for 4 months. In the meantime, while they were complaining about being so "behind", they were acquiring new rental properties. When I confronted them about this, their assets, they said, "The money is tied up." Both my mother and father would throw up their hands in the air, and shrug, and say, "We don't HAVE the money." Funny, that's exactly what the IRS thinks.

When my grandparents gave my mother $5,000 each Christmas, to be shared with the family, they did this with all their kids. Their other kids shared with their children, but my mother? My mother and father didn't share any of it with my brother and I, even though we could have used the help. My grandparents, when they found out, were shocked. They said the money was intended to be equally divided and distributed among the families. My mother told me my brother and I were not "family". She said we had moved out and that "her family" was my father. So Granny wanted to know where the money went. I didn't know except for once, how the money was spent, and that time, I knew they'd blown the whole $5,000 on a brand new hot tub for their deck. My brother and I got less than $100 in Christmas money that year, from our parents.

My mother and father threatened, when I lived with them, to send me to foster care if I didn't treat them with respect. I didn't dare say "I hate you". I was being punished, corporally, until I was 15 years old and finally stood up for myself and told them if they touched me one more time, I was going to the police. I turned around their threats to me, to turn me over to the state, and told them I would turn THEM in. I was beihng spanked until I was age 15. After I stood up for myself, no one laid a hand on me, to spank me again, but instead, once I was kicked. There was a witness who saw me being kicked and he and his family offered their home to me. I was too submissive to leave. I stood up for myself, but I couldn't leave and I was only 16 or 17 years old.

My mother would grab my cheeks and pinch my face together when she was angry with me, and I never did anything back, to anyone, not even once. Instead, I tried to leave the situation. Never in my life have I fought back, physically, returning violence with violence. I do not believe in it. I remember one time, I think God came through for me. I was about 10 years old and my mother was on the phone as usual, and I came home from school and was trying to talk to her. She never had time to talk to her own kids, but it was clear my brother was the favorite with her. I turned around, to do something else, and kicked off my slip-ons. One of them flew straight into the air, and at my mother and hit her, smack in the eye. My mother cried out in pain, as the heel had hit her face and dropped the phone, holding her eye and looking at me as if I'd done it intentionally. To this day, I think someone else came through for me, just as I hope someone will come through for me now, for me and my son.

I determined, I would never spank or abuse or try to control my own child, and that my child would be free to choose what they wanted to do with their lives. I decided to be a nanny to get further practice in parenting so I could unlearn things my parents had taught me. And I did. I never once touched anyone's kid to spank them or verbally abused them, and by the time I had my own child, I had learned a lot of good parenting techniques. I had been working with children, since the age of 11, on a frequent and regular basis. I also determined, because of the lack of physical affection in my family, that my children would be hugged and kissed and loved. My parents told me they loved me, and there was a formal goodnight kiss, but no hugs. I made a point of hugging my son and I kept him close to me, so he knew he was safe and secure and didn't throw him into his own lonely room. I am told my first bedroom, after I was born, was a bathroom with no windows that wasn't used. I slept on blankets in the tub while my parents slept in another room. They were poor, starting out--my mother married at 18 and my father was 21.

My mother found various ways to punish me. If I missed the bus for school, in Moses Lake, when I was 13 years old, I was made to ride my bike to the private school, which was at least 10 miles away. By the time I got to school, classes were almost out. My teachers were appalled. When I was in high school, my parents came to only a couple of running meets. They didn't want to stand in the cold. I qualified for state, in both track and cross-country, on my own merits, and did well in state, and my coach expressed dissatisfaction and disgust they weren't there. He arranged for me to get a running scholarship through his former coach from Lewis & Clark, but I broke my knee and my mother opted for doing nothing, because they didn't want to pay the bill for surgery which could have repaired the injury. I was told instead, that I wouldn't be able to run anymore, and I left for the East Coast, to be a nanny instead. The only thing my parents made a big deal about and were sure to show up for, was my nomination for Homecoming Queen, which I didn't even care about. I was just nice to people because I liked them, and I knew I'd be popular, because I was certain people liked me because I liked them. My parents made a huge deal about my being Homecoming Queen while I was embarrassed. I went home and hid the crown in a bottom drawer of my dresser. I never wanted to look at it or be reminded of it. But that was when my parents began to respect me a little more--after they saw others respected me.

In response to their stinginess, I gave generously to others. I knew how to make a profit, but I gave to others. My own parents were shocked by my generosity. I even offered them a loan when I had money. I gave without expecting anything in return.

In response to their inability to keep a promise, I vowed I would not make promises unless I could keep them. Which meant I would not get married unless I knew I wasn't getting divorced. Which meant I never made promises to my son that I couldn't keep. Which is why it was especially traumatic to me to have CPS lie to me, in Canada, and I then made a promise to my son that I couldn't keep: "I'll see you in 15 minutes, honey. Don't worry, mama will see you really soon. We're just going for a car ride, but you watch mama okay? I'll see you in FIFTEEN minutes."

I'm going to stop here for now. I want justice. I want retribution for what has been done to me, and there is nothing unhealthy or signifying mental illness in my refusal to reconcile with my family. They have not deserved me or my forgiveness for a very, very, very, long time. I am not going through the disappointment, lack of support, and hypocrisy again. I want my son back.

It is not my fault, what happened. My family's perceptions and motives are screwed up, and the state and CPS and justice system wanted someone to blame besides themselves and their doctor friends.

If Canada had been honest with me, I would have told my son the truth, as young as he was, he understands a lot. I would not have said he'd see me in 15 minutes. I would have told him the truth, and not to worry, because I was still coming for him, as soon as I could, and that I loved him. I would have given him a proper and informed goodbye.