Letter From Mama To Oliver

Dear Oliver,

Everyone knows your name by now, as CPS kept nothing secret, not even medical records, even after withholding the most crucial diagnostics.

Honey, I wanted to write to you because although you are not able to hear mama's voice, I think about you every single day and not more than 5 minutes goes by without your voice and face coming to mind.

Oliver, you are going to know, one day, how hard your mama fought for you, against all odds, and in the face of discrimination, persecution, and harassment and the refusal of medical professionals to offer both of us the services we needed.

I want you to know that I will always fight for you, for you to have the best possible health, and no one is going to put the time into getting it "right" like I will. I know you better than anyone, and I know you know this. I know when you're about to get sick, after just 5 minutes with you on the phone. I have always been right about this. I know you still have a hard time saying what you want to say, when you remember you could once speak so easily, and said so much, so young.

Your mama's still figuring things out for both of us, and every single decision I make, is with your best interests and our future in mind.

I love you so much honey and I'm at least glad you don't have to see Christmas lights this time of year, and be reminded of last year, when we were together, and feel sad or anxious someone is going to be torn from you again.

Oliver, you are my only son, and there is nothing that will keep me from you. One day you will understand exactly why I had to go outside of the state to get help. You will see what they did to me in Washington, and how things turned around with objective diagnostics somewhere else. It is very important, to get this right, and at the same time, you are mine and I am yours and we're going to be together again very soon.

I'm very sorry they cut off your rights to talk to your mama, just as you were so excited to say my name repeatedly. Your aunt said she didn't think you "understood" who you were talking to, but they undermine everything, and don't know how smart you are. I know you knew it was your mama and I know you were distressed when you didn't hear my voice anymore as well.

I swear to God, your mother is going to fight for you to be fully compensated for all of your pain and suffering, and I am praying there is someone special, or a few special people: informants, lawyers, and specialists, who will help us acheive what is impossible for me to do alone.

I love you.

I love you very, very, much. I am only posting this online because I do not believe you will ever get a letter if I try to send it to the Avila's for safekeeping.

Love Your Mama