Vibe

I don't know what to think. I know a lot of people, or maybe only a few, were praying for me this evening and I noticed the prayers. It wasn't that I was with the right people because I still see the unguarded moments, and mockery, but somewhere in the middle of the mockery and the games, I know one person at least, cares about me tonight and is praying, and this must be a person I love or someone who loves me. That, or I need to pray more.

One could very well be the right person and feel sadness or heaviness because that person is feeling this way, and just because we pick up on vibes, doesn't mean it has to mean anything about someone significant, or even that the whole path is going right. I don't know what it means. I just know that when I feel it and my computer is not next to me working overtime and there is no other way to explain it, I know something is going on.

I saw some very sad faces tonight, just before I got home, and I would really like to know what is going on.

You know what this feels like? This feels like I am the subject of some grand psychic experiment developed by someone in government, under the guise of something else. Sometimes I think there is a sick lotto out there and other times, I feel like I am the subject of some kind of psychic investigation. I'm not saying I AM, I am only expressing how I "feel" and that's it. I don't know why I go the places I go or turn the way I turn, but I don't think all of it has to "mean something". I know that I haven't figured the town out but I really think some people think I know what I'm doing when I don't. As if I ask someone in particular if I might get a lift, or borrow a phone or who I talk to...

Tonight, I saw this woman driving by and she was absolutely smirking, and I thought what in the world but then it made me laugh. I laughed because she was drinking from a large mug with huge flowers on it and it made me think about how I used to drive around drinking out of what was, essentially, a tea cup. I never thought about it. I didn't have mugs. I just had a lot of ceramic tea cups with a Marseille flower pattern on them and would grab one and finish my coffee or tea in the car, but it probably looked silly, with that kind of handle on a cup. It wasn't fine-boned (bone or boned?) china at all, but still.

I saw someone at the library today who was looking at knitting books and I asked if she knitted. I don't know why I cared. She said she did and after hearing her talk, I said, "I guess I like the repetitive feeling of being on a keyboard" and she said yes and then I said I said, "I feel like I've been talking to a therapist--I think you're trying to supplant my blogging habit!" Everyone laughed.

No one really knows how much I eat! which is another thing to do with the hands or when you're bored. I am very blessed with a fast metabolism, even if I've gained a couple pounds.

But yes, I have wondered if I am being tracked as some kind of experiment, and if it's not legitimate and clinical-level, it's like that show "Heroes" which I read about and which supposedly tracks people who have special abilities.

I have some very random special psychic gifts. Do they do me any good personally? I don't think so. I think what I have has always just benefited others at times, and usually I don't know how or why, or I've gotten into trouble bc of it, not exactly knowing why or how.

Back to my faberge eggs. I had someone ask me today what made me think of them and I said, "I don't know. I was trying to find Di's favorite movies and I found jewelry instead and then discovered the Queen Mom has four faberge eggs and then I started looking up all the faberge eggs." I also thought about the color of the bathroom and how someone once asked me if perhaps it wasn't a pillbox but a faberge egg that I saw.