Visit With Oliver Today

My visit with my son! Very nice, despite what the notes may say initially. Everything was fine and I had told him I would try to bring kid scissors but I didn't have a chance to get them by the time of the visit so I brought adult scissors for me to supervise him with. Unfortunately, at first he was excited and really into holding the scissors but when I started talking about cutting things, he freaked out and began acting out for a long time. Just hiding from me, and yet I would look at him, and half the time he had a little smile. Some of it seemed real and other parts looked like really good acting which he was enjoying. He didn't want to do anything at first. I couldn't coax him to play and finally he asked me to pick him up so I did. Well, first I read "The Runaway Bunny" at a distance and I put the scissors away in a cupboard as well. He smiled at the story but then acted out a little with that, but then he wanted me to pick him up.

It was almost like he was or has been following someone's instructions or something because he'll kind of "act out" but half of the time, it's like straight up acting and he's peeking to see what I'll do.

So he wanted me to come over and pick him up and I did and then he acted tired so he wanted to lie down next to me. He turned to his side, the way we always used to sleep together and wanted me to snuggle up next to him and I did. He asked me to sing "Mockingbird". I did. Then he wanted something but I didn't know what. He was motioning the way he did when he was small, like he wanted a bottle. I almost got his juice but didn't. Finally he let me know he wanted his yogurt.

When he freaked out over the scissors, or when I brought up cutting, I looked at his fingers and thought maybe he had a new cut but it was just that one was still darker than the other cuts. I had a better look and they're healing, but he was cut deeply enough so that one can see permanent lines.

He looked better though, this time, in general. Aside from the small acting out bit, he looked pretty healthy from what I could tell.

I laid down next to him for some time and then he wanted more stories so I read more books. He wanted one, a Rugrats book about Reptar, over and over. Then he wanted to play with playdough and he used the crocodile again and fed the crocodile playdough and playdough juices.

Oh, I forgot though, how I got him out of his little funk, was to bring in a stuffed animal, a little chicky, and I had it talking to him and asking questions and he perked up. I joked that it couldn't see because of the fur or feathers in its eyes and he pushed it back and forth smiling, and I had it singing "Amazing Grace" and trying to decide whether it was a little duck or a little chicken. Oliver had a great sense of humor with it. He clarified for me what he thought it was.

Then we played with playdough and then he wanted to sit on my lap, with the chick on his lap, and he wanted me to give him his yogurt instead of feeding himself so I did.

I had to take something for my neckache from not sleeping and I explained it was medicine like his medicine for his eyes, but this was for Mama and not for kids. I told him not to ever put anything in his mouth that looked like candy in case it wasn't candy but maybe medicine and to ask a grown up first. I let him give me the medicine and pretend to be doctor and he got a grown up feeling and kick out of this. Then I got out a candle I brought for him and we were not allowed to light it.

These visit "rules" border on the ridiculous, but okay...I mean, when I had my son with me I burned candles in our home all the time, and I think I'm "old enough" to know something about fire safety, and so does my son. I also watch him at all times, but I guess, just in case the entire bookcase happened to fall over onto the enclosed candle, and didn't snuff it out but rather, all the books were instantly ignited into a bonfire, which then proceeded to burn the entire state offices down, we weren't allowed to light the candle. I'm sorry, but there are 2 adults there, and a child who knows how to behave around candles, and it was this huge no no. But I said okay and I didn't argue and then my son wanted to see the lighter that I was holding.

Oh, first, I thought it was cute, he looked at the color of the candle and said "it's mango." Mango? I was calling it "peach" but hey, I rewarded him for knowing what the color of "mango" is!

So anyway, back to another safety lesson. Here I am, experienced nanny and parent, who has burned many a candle around children and in the home, who is not arguing with the rules there, but then my son wanted to see the lighter. Well, here, the monitor totally lied. To my face this time, and actually, it was one time where I wondered if she is not mischevious but really has backwards perceptions of things.

Because I lit the lighter so Oliver could see and just held it up, in my own hand, and he thought it was so cool, and being as mechanically minded as he is, he wanted to know how it "worked". So I tried to explain and told him this was another thing he could only handle around adults or a grown up.

My philosophy or parenting style, is not to put everything out of reach and then turn ones back and do ones own thing, as the poor kid plays with the same old things by themself. My parenting philosophy is that the entire world is within reach and should be explored, but ONLY with absolute and constant supervision. I believe in puting safety latches on cupboards and in security gates for stairs and plugs for outlets, and that's about it. If you have to put every single thing out of a child's reach, someone isn't doing their job supervising to begin with. I think the monitor's idea was that it's wrong to show a child how a lighter works in case they got ahold of it. My philosophy, is that it's wrong to withhold knowledge from a child because the caregiver isn't taking the time and responsibility to watch and know what's going on at all times. People wonder why some of these kids are so behind on basic life skills by the time they get into kindergarden even, and it's because so many of these parents just clean a room up, sanitize it, and then expect them to play with blocks by themself or watch cartoons as they turn their backs and clean house or do things they would rather do. I just have a completely different approach, and of course, I think my way is better. I think this, because I've taken tips from many good families and read a lot more than most of these people in these kid's offices, and I know a thing or two. And, I have sworn statements from neighbors testifying to my diligence and supervision as well.

Anyway, tangent. So, I knew the monitor probably made the scissor thing look bad, and the thing with the medicine, and the thing with the lighter, but she didn't say one thing about not using the lighter except that we could not light the candle. She said nothing about not lighting the lighter, while I was holding it, and then AFTER I already did, she claimed she told me not to. I said, "You didn't tell me not to light the lighter and I've been sitting here with him doing this...you told me we couldn't light the candle and have it lit."

There is a definite need for audio recording to keep the record straight.

My son, at any rate, was having a great time, probably stimulated intellectually for the first time in 2 days, and loved every minute. After I showed him the lighter and explained safety things about it, he just hugged me and kissed me over and again. He knows that his mother loves him and also respects his intelligence.

I didn't prompt him to hug and kiss me either. Then, I showed him the card that he gave to me for Christmas and told him I take it with me everywhere and he kept saying, over and over, "I love you Mama". After this, I showed him some photos of the two of us on the laptop and he was really happy to see this and said, "I want to see Peter Pan!" because one time I showed him a clip of Peter Pan singing "You Can Fly" so I sang this to him. He remembers every single thing I say to him.

At the end of the visit, he stalled and wanted me to make a treasure hunt, so I did. We did the treasure hunt and then he wanted me to make the calendar for him which I did, and he wanted me to draw many smiley faces on it for him so I did this as well.

He was very very happy to see that the next time he saw me would be the earlier date, when there is just one day inbetween our visits. He nodded and had a big smile. As he left, he gave me a kiss and hug saying he loved me and he refused to follow the monitor out right away and then even though she turned him around by the shoulders to face away from me, he turned back and walked all the way out of the office, facing me, blowing kisses and waving and I did the same and he yelled, all the way across the room, in front of everyone, "Stay there Mama! Stay there for me!" and so I said, "I'll be right here!"

Of course the monitor is never taking notes when it comes to departure time.

I need a fucking good lawyer. So far, nothing has been done for my case but my lawyer said he just got some stuff...then there's a different lawyer who says she has more time now. I just need someone who is going to get my visits increased with my son, file some motions, and start kicking ass. This is beyond ridiculous and I'm being very patient and my SON has been more than patient. I am so close to calling someone in from out of state to really start investigating what's been going on in this case, because it's wrong, and it's affected my son's rights. But I am withholding just a little longer, to see what might happen in the next week or two.

My son wants to have increased visits with his mom and has been asking for this for MONTHS. MONTHS. Longer than that, and he STILL wants to be with his mom. And some of the visits which were missed and are supposed to be made up still haven't been made up.

I have done everything on my own. I even, since NO ONE was scheduling that stupid "head exam" scheduled my OWN fucking head exam.

I have people trying to hold things up in every way imaginable.

Well, now that I've had my nap this afternoon, I'll go back and detail the visits from last week too.

I have to say, I think the only time the visitation notes have halfway reflected reality, was when Shirley was doing the monitoring, Shirley the Canadian. Why, may I ask, does it take a Canadian to get the observations right? At least in general? Or maybe it was just her, I don't know because for all I know this other one is Canadian too...she referred me to the church with the Canadian guy. I'm very confused. I'm confused as to why there has been all this effort to rewrite what the truth is in the visits. Maybe it has nothing to do with country. It has something to do with something else.

I just know I would never do to someone else's child, what has been done to my son. To make him suffer like this has been inhuman and cruel. Hmmm. I might work on last week's visits tomorrow. One write up and detail is enough for right now. I get too worked up and upset about things when I think about how my son is afffected by all of this. I was very upset last week, to the point of not detailing, because of the cuts on his fingers.