Visit with Oliver Today & Gang Violence

I felt sad about the visit with Oliver, because he’d thrown up and it was really sad, but on the other hand, I was really happy to see him and it was a good visit. This is the weirdest day ever. I went to a gun shop and then went to a diner and as soon as I sat down I noticed the really good and strong energy. I don’t know why. But I was really upset about everything and my poor son said Pablo told him he wasn’t going to church anymore and Oliver seemed really sad about it. I always tell him I'll see him after his church day and Oliver told me, as he was playing with my necklace, that he wasn't going anymore, but I explained he would still be seeing me. It broke my heart.

This morning my son came in and he looked all over for me--I could see him from the office window and he just looked so sad and so pitiful and was searching for me and I thought it was to say hello but I peeked around the door, to surprise him and he said to me, “Mama, I’m sick. I threw up” and I looked and he had throw up all over the front of his jacket. It made me feel sooo horrible, it was this blue throw up all over his red and black jacket. I knew it wasn’t from natural--I just knew. He looked miserable and was all green in the face, but I picked him up and he went right to me and I said, “Oh honey, it’s okay, let Mama help you. Don’t worry okay?” so I told him I was taking his jacket off and we would take care of it and then I helped him to wash his hands and he was just clinging to me. I realized there too, that he still wants my comfort. He had a mark on the right side of his forehead, and it’s just been back and forth with injuries for him and I feel so horrible for him. I know my aunt and uncle are not doing very well either. I don’t think. Everything has been a mess.

But I helped him get out of his jacket and then he was all greenish but looking in the mirror and started making dramatic faces at himself. It was really cute. Then he just hugged me and then looked at himself in the mirror as he was hugging me.

He was pretty sweet and enthusiastic to play with the things I brought. He really loves smiley faces so I got him balloons, one with a great big smiley face on it. I really just wanted that one with the smiley face on it but they were altogether so I got the whole group. I used to get him balloons, at least one a week. He had so much fun playing with everything.. He wanted to carry this craft box full of things into the room.

The first thing he wanted to do was to make a craft bear holding balloons. He called the little pom-poms “smuzzles”. It was very cute. We put a little bear together, with purple and yellow pom-poms of his choosing and the glue wasn’t working really well because it was stick glue, but we tried to make it work anyway. Then he wanted to paint, or maybe we painted first. I think he first did a painting and then went to the bear craft and then back to painting again. It was really cute, the painting he did. He drew lines across the bottom of the page all the way to the top. Then he made the bear with smuzzles (or “smuzzies?“) and then he made another painting and wanted me to have the duck-chick talk to him and paint, so I had the duck-chick asking him how to paint.

At one point, he wanted to play with his balloons and then he went back again to books. He wanted to go read the book I brought, “Frida”. I wasn’t really happy with it at first because I’d wanted the Spanish version, which I used to read to him and then I also translated for him into English. But at least it was the same book and I was glad to have it. He loved the photos and kept asking “What’s that?” and I would say, “It’s a guy from her imagination, it’s not real, it’s just from the imagination.” I explained she, Frida, came up with ideas in her mind to help her through her suffering. He liked the part where she was painting colors over photos and where she was looking through a microscope. Then, he asked, when it said she almost died, he said, “She died?” and I said no, she didn’t die, she just had an accident. Then it showed how she was painting through her suffering and when I got to the page where it was a picture of Frida with roses and a crown of thorns on her head, I had to stop and try not to cry. I stopped and then continued and said, as the book said, “It was a miracle.” I tried to distract myself by saying, "Honey, look at all of the flowers!" and pointed to the roses on her head. He liked this story a lot and then he wanted the next one, which he’d brought from home and it was very cute. It was about the cha-cha-cha monkeys and it was very cute and rhymic, very good sounds and rhyme in that book. I was very impressed with it and Oliver just loved it too.

I said it was sort of like the one about “5 little monkeys, jumping on a bed, one fell off and bumped his head! Mama called the doctor and the doctor said, “No more monkeys jumping on the bed!””

When we painted I wanted to know if he was painting with an idea in his mind first or just painting randomly. He said he was painting from an idea in his mind. Then,he directed me on how to make a painting exactly the way he wanted. He had me paint "a rainbow" of 4 lines across the bottom and then at the top with the rest of the space, he told me to use my fingers and he was using his and he wanted to press little dots all over the top. It is actually very good, of course, in a mother's opinion. He also did one with lines going vertical, straight up, and then just one solid line horizontal at the bottom. I was actually really impressed. I thought "Wow. Modern art and intentional too!" At that age, what else, but I still think it was very good. On the 3rd one he just had horizontal lines all the way from top to bottom.

Oh, I should mention, I brought scissors today which could be used left or right hand, and he tried to use them with me there and didn't have any kind of weird reaction. He was fine today. He was excited to try to use them, but I notice he, well, I guess it's private. It's not really, because right now, the state is writing about every single detail (or claiming to) and then disseminating the information into a computer database that tons of people have access to. So really, I don't see how his privacy is protected at all, because before I ever wrote about our visits, the interpretation from the state was getting out to the entire community and coming back to me. So...I don't know. I don't think it's anyone's business what my son's essential personality and habits are, and I don't think this should be used against him in the future, but frankly, this is already being done and I have absolutely no control over it. Imagine.

But anyway, torwards the end, he wanted to stall and delay on the visit being over so he wanted another story, the little drummer boy by Ezra Keats. Then he wanted a pillow fight. He gave me a few hugs and kisses spontaneously today and then when I told him I was going to make him a calendar, he looked at me very seriously and kneeling in front of me, with his hands then on the cross pendant on the chain around my neck, he said, "But pablo says he's not going to church anymore." He kept saying this over and over. He was pulling the cross pendant back and forth, sliding it along the chain and looking at me with big earnest eyes. I said, "Oh, but we'll still see eachother Oliver." I did ask him, "What do you mean?" so I try to let him explain in more depth. I said, "What do you mean Pablo's not going to church?" and he said, "I see you after church day but pablo says he's not going to church." I wasn't exactly sure what he meant so I said, "Oh, I don't know why pablo's not going to church." He said, "I want Pablo to go to church." I said, "Oliver, it's okay. I don't know why he's not going, but even if Pablo doesn't go to church, you will still see me okay?" Because I always explain to him, on the calendar, that he will see me after Sunday, "church day", the next morning, he will wake up after church day and see Mama. So this is how I try to help him keep track of time and what is hapepning in his life.

I once found out they go to church on Wednesday nights, and it's Wednesday morning that I see him for the second visit. So it's such a long time until he sees me again, I tell him, showing him on the dates, that he won't see me "th, fri, sat, but then sunday is his "church day" and he'll go to sleep and in the morning, see me on monday." So he looks forward to this. It's horrible he doesn't have more time with his mother, when he's expressly asked for this so, so, many times and it's been very damaging and harmful to him to not see me more.

Howeveer, I discovered they sometimes went to church on Wednesday or Thursday nights! and he went along and thinking he would see me "after church" he had been disappointed. I ddiscovered this at one visit where he had these horrible dark circles under his eyes and he said he went to church and woke up and I wasn't there. Or he didn't see me. So I had to email my aunt right away and ask her to please let Oliver know, if they went to church "mid-week", to explain to him that he would see me after Sunday church, not the mid-week services.

But Oliver was upset or worried at the idea, whatever idea was in his mind, and he kept trying to tell me, as the monitor and the monitor-in-training were there. They tried to hurry him along and out and didn't want him to be talking about it, but my son was talking to me earnestly.

His speech seemed very good today, I thought, and he was in a good mood, and it was just that he had thrown up and then told me he also threw up yesterday.

My opinion?

I don't know what country I'm living in anymore, that's my opinion. And if gang violence against my son doesn't stop, I'm taking it all the way, out there. STOP MESSING WITH MY SON AND MY FAMILY.

I have the visitation monitor telling me to "pick a side" and then people cmoing in, dressed up in their gang colors all the time, at state offices, it doesn't matter who is working for what. I don't trust the police here, the FBI here, or any of the state workers.

This is the most corruption I've ever seen, or one day I just woke up and started noticing, because I was trying to figure out who was hurting me and my son and WHY.

The state workers and police, most of them, are no better than anyone else in this town. They're not keeping law and order. They're doing favors, and taking bribes and in on all the same shit. My son suffers, and they threaten my family with taking hiim away entirely if they don't go along, and then it makes my family look bad, when no one here is above the fray. No one. Show me ONE person or one family that is standing up and rising above and maintaining independence.

If this is what the U.S. has come to, it isn't going to stay up very much longer. If gangs are needed because the normal routes are corrupt,, I understand that. The thing is, this is all mixed up, one thing with the other. I don't know if it's always been this way and I was just the last to know or what.

But I am NOT fucking keeping my mouth "shut" when MY SON is a target and not ONE GOD DAMN person will do anything about it unless I "join in". Join in on what?

I thought we needed a new world order, but now I'm thinking, no, there is something that is needed that is going to have to be even more underground and pure than what is already out there. Because huge amounts of money are out there, but it's not going to the right places and the priorities are screwed up.

These state workers are no better than non-state workers. I can't see a difference at all. How in the world they maintain any kind of authority is beyond me. They see what happens to my son, and they don't care. They smirk and tell me to pick a side, for the "best interests" of my son.

So who the HELL "protects the children" anymore? just for the ake of protecting the innocent? Those who protect the innocent don't need to get paid. This town is so corrupt, and I didn't believe the Eastern Indian guy when he told me,, because I had no clue and I still don't, really. But it's not just this town, it's this state, and that makes me wonder if it's not many other states too, and other countries, and who really, is keeping law and order on the up-and-up?

Where the HELL have the good people gone? I see people losing their "faith" in God, the true and living God, left and right, because of this shit people are made to go along with, and a lot of it looks just like Nazi Germany to me. Except the difference is, even the Jews this time, are a part of the problem. It isn't just one religious group. It's relgious and non-religious.

If my son isn't safe, my aunt and uncle need to get the hell out, for his sake.

There is not just going to be a major upset in the U.S., if all the attention is going overseas and nothing is done here, to clean up corruption. There will be, eventually, another God Damn Revolutionary War. I promise. I promise with the promise of God and the voice He has given to me to speak the truth. This country will not stand if the few people who stand for integrity do not begin to assemble, by whatever means necessary at this point, and fight for the dignity that this country was created with in the beginning.

The Taliban, in some ways, have more integrity and strength, in some ways, than the citizens of the United States, who stand by and do nothing and allow fear and intimidation to control their lives.

What is really sad, for me, is seeing how many people LIKE this system and actually seem to derive pleasure out of it. I have seen people, even two nuns, dressing up in this charade of things. If one team is having their turn, everyone is displaying the colors of that team and then back and forth. I wonder if Princess Diana didn't know a little bit too much about this whole system herself and if she wasn't also appalled.

I know there are a few people in the royal family even, who go along, but not because they really want to. I would say most of them are satisfied with the status quo, but not all of them are. They are just as trapped as I am. Which is why at least one of them knows exactly what I'm going through.

So lock me up now, and throw away the key and call me "paranoid" when everyone knows I'm not. I hope when I've left this world, that others are inspired by me, not by my indiscretion, but are inspired enough to see someone openly talking about this, that a very large group begins to secretly assemble money and power to take care of this impossible problem.

My soulmate is the one who shares my sentiments. Maybe it is possible to be in love with someone one totally disagrees with on principle...I think it's very possible, yes. But the one I would want to share my energies with and trust, might be one who knows exactly what I'm talking about and who wants to use maybe even vast amounts of wealth for good.

It will take money. But it needs to be money that is used for good, that someone with a good heart will be able to part with for a good cause, for people of any kind, color, race, religion, or group status. And frankly, I think the problem is far too large at this point for anyone to even try to fix without some kind of military intervention, and for all I know, the military of the U.S. is just as corrupt as every other department. How the hell do I know? what IS this anyway?

William has to keep a blue pen in his pocket and Harry has to prance around in black, red, and white tights and keep the red pen in his pocket?

I agree with the Queen, who echoes the words of someone I know well...It has been a difficult year. Yes. Difficult.

I'm sure I could be in a better position if I just went along with all of this. But I don't agree with it. I believe it's wrong. I believe harming different people, frm different families, is wrong. I believe in America, the point is that people work out of their own merit and skill reserves and they try to get ahead that way. I don't believe in having my son held hostage, and my life held hostage, because I'm part of something. I can hardly even feel like I would be a part of some kind of revolutionary group because it's so widespread it's commonplace. Why have I and my son suffered? Why was I punished and made to suffer before I ever had my son, through the influence of large groups? Now, it seems like everything is just one and the same.

Even the frickin' music and cable channels, and media and radio, and everyone who knows, knows this. My music tonight went from a bunch of positive songs to a ton of stuff about blood, "buon giuorno principessa" and the like.

My father once said, when I was very little, told me he thought some state should "secede" from the rest of the U.S. and be a truly christian state. I thought it was one of the nuttiest things I ever heard my father say. But now I know why he said this. Because I don't know who my friends are, and who my enemies are anymore. I don't know know who is on the side of truth and justice or not anymore.

I love you, those of you who love the good. Who want to support the rights of anyone, no matter what group or gang, or affiliation or measure of money, but who want to do it for equality and for all and not just to get something out of it in return. I say I love you because after all the death threats I've had, and seeing what I've seen happen to my son, I'm probably going to be bumped off. Well, those of you who support what I have to say, assemble yourselves wisely and do some good for this planet and for your families. And if it's more than a few, then fucking get OFF of your scared and complascent "duffs" and protect me and my son, and yourselves, and be strong in large numbers.

I don't know. All of you probably know a whole lot more than I do, becasue I haven't figured very much of this out. I sure knew a hell of a lot less than everyone thought I did or thinks I do still, because I still see people nodding in my direction, with approval, if I by chance, do something that somehow supports some group.

Here's the truth: I don't know WHAT the hell I'm doing and anything I do which may seem to favor anyone, is accidental or coincidental. I wouldn't know how to play this game if I tried.

But you know what I don't like? I don't like the fact that all of these people are involved with this, and yet it all has to be kept some kind of internal "secret". There's a place for secret clubs, yes. But not where people are fucking secretly hurting MY SON or anyone else's kids, to sway someone to their side or position.

The U.S. needs to bring in at least 10,000 to the fucking State of Washington.

Tell that to Obama, because maybe no one over here is reporting back to the kingdom.

And yeah, I'd like to know why so many of the men especially, and then even women, on my father's side, have been either killed in suspicious "accidents" or ruined in other ways (by agent orange or someone claiming someone is "nuts" or tries to drive them that way).

In honor of my grandfather Robert Guy Garrett, I dedicate this post.