Sunday, December 21, 2008

music today

First song of the day was Colbie Callait's "The Little Things".

I'll probably listen to her today. I have to find out who I can get antibiotics from today. I already can tell what this is going to progress to. But, I need some coffee first. I have so many things to do today.

I have to write amendments,
mail things,
write a motion,
finish OIG complaint,
get antibiotics,
call neurologists,
call mormon church (which may help me with neurology costs and psychiatric eval, but i don't know bc i'm not a member and don't wish to become one--i just need assistance),
call for a job for my first client,
make flyers for english language classes,
call about singing gigs

(the reason I can do self employed, or feel more comfortable, is because right now, i need flexibility with my medical condition of having not miscarried yet, and i just need to be my own boss right now. i am a better employer or agent than employee. i don't like being "boss", i just like doing things myself. i don't like being in the spotlight, i just like being able to have my own insights and hands in things. if i had my own non-profit, i'd be hands off, and let people do their own thing, but i would be extremely picky in selection from the start. i am not a perfectionist in many regards, but in other ways i'm demanding and meticulous and don't like illogical conclusions and slacking.)

"the little things/you do to me, are taking over/i wanna show ya..." such a good song. one of my favorites--i can listen to it over and over and have my own hand move for "back up, back up". how can you not? just rock to this song?

i still haven't found my phone charger. i have to get my cell working again bc i probably have messages.

sooo...nice little "gotcha" i came to yesterday, eh? i'm sure some people were laughing when i said the MRI showed no broken bones or whatever, and yet if this is true, and i compare it to x-rays from after childbirth, which DO show BROKEN bones and herniated disc...that little lumbar problem cannot be "degenerative" as Freed claimed. this would prove the damage was from childbirth and it's not still "degenerating" as a degenerative process would do. hahahahaaaaa!

well, i need a better MRI anyway, but I like where this is going. i kinda like how all this stuff is adding up. nice. right before i go back to wenatchee and start taking names and stories and put them on the map. a book must be written about that town. that's just done already, in my mind. i have no other objective but to get my son and document and detail the characters of that place, and get some stories from other who suffer because of wenatchee.

the only thing i don't like about the little things video, is that dog. it reminds me of the type of dog that would be in a little red riding hood story. is it a good dog? or a bad dog? it the sort of clip where it reminds you of some kind of reincarnation deal or spirit thing, where this dog comes lallygogging past as a kind of message--maybe the dog represents the guy in the video. or men in general. dogs. all-uh-yuh. i like the fact that callie has meat on her bones. she's not parading around as a stick figure.

I got goo-goo dolls in my mind. I never listen to them but the name came to mind. So I chose "Before It's Too Late" and it's a good song. I like the opening lines, about truth and fiction and the chorus about living your life honestly, bravely.

I like this. It's a cover of Alanis Morrisette's song, "Hands Clean". The voice is good though it starts out sort of plodding...but then I like it. She's good at manipulating her vocals, but I seriously hope she's Irish, because if she speaks with a normal American accent, or worse, a Texan drawl, for a speaking voice, I will be like, "???She must have multiple personality disorder." I mean, does this sound an Irish accent or english or australian? Ooooohhhh NOoooooooooooo! I just heard the END! She IS a fraud! Oh dear god. At the very end, she says "nice guys" in a VERY American accent. I would be so embarrassed. What does she do onstage? "Excuse me while I slip into something a little more comfortable! My european accent!" Ohmigosh. And her name is MANDY PERKINS. Mandy Perkins, the American with a fabulous English singing voice and MPD. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuvI7nzW2s0. Oh, huh. She's Canadian. I guess that explains everything. Everything except the accent. She's from Toronto, not the UK. Well, I've gone to her myspace page and she does have a genuinely good voice, but her lyrics are nothing spectacular.

Listening to "hands clean" and "ironic" and now "perfect". I've never heard "perfect" before.

I just posted a nasty email I wrote to my mother and her sister, entitled "collusion with Cassel". Now I'm playing "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks.

I"m a BITCH, I'm a LOVER, I'm a CHILD, I"m a MOTHER, I'm a SINNER, I'm a SAINT/I do not feel ASHAMED/I'm your HELL, I'm your DREAM--I'm NOTHING IN BETWEEN/you know you wouldn't want it ANY OTHER WAY.

Just when you think/you got me figured out/the season's already changing/i think you're cool--you do what you do/and don't try to CHANGE ME...

Listening to "Material Girl" by Madonna. It's going to be madonna now. I like this video a lot. I'm glad it hasn't disappeared from youtube. Thank you. Now hearing "Get Into The Groove". "Whose That Girl"...I haven't heard this in a long time! first time seeing the video. I like it when she gives the tiger the lollipop. listened to True Blue, and then one I just forgot the other one, and now I'm listening to "Hey You" which I've not heard before. Listened to Hung UP
and then this, where she looks gorgeous. Look at her body. She's just gorgeous. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uC1w9qNLF34&NR=1. Wow. I really like this version or mix she does, Madonna, of "Fever". Especially like the part about romeo & juliet and pocahontas or whatever. Now "Hollywood".

I like this "coat of many colors" song by dolly parton, but I don't agree with the "you're only as poor or rich as you allow yourself to be" bit. That's like saying the other false adage: sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never harm me. It's a false saying. Even if you feel rich, there are people who are determined to make you suffer. watch the story about the tiger in the zoo, by katt williams.

I'm ending this day's writing with a song by alison krauss: "stay". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32_BE6Pf6x0&NR=1

I got nothing done today except hustling for jobs and screwed up my knee a little and feel a little pain from stomach and back/tailbone.

I know I need an MRI with contrast. Stuff just isn't right. There are other things going on that this last MRI didn't pick up. I think they were trying to be conservative, which is GOOD, bc of the baby, but there is a bunch of stuff that's unresolved.

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