Bad Vibe

I had a good positive energy until about a half hour ago then it was gone. Now, sadness and heavy feeling.

It is 3:15 p.m. and the good vibe is totally gone. It was so powerful and strong but it's not there now and I don't know why not. Maybe people stopped praying. Maybe, I have no idea, but something is different and I want to tell someone not to be sad. And then what's bizarre is that I write this and I sense it's a little better. A little bit. Not a lot. Well, I either wrote something wrong (I sort of wrote something to throw but maybe I shouldn't have brought anything up at all), or something shifted wrong, or my son isn't doing well, or someone is sad, maybe my dad? I don't know.

At any rate, it's like someone got on a plane and left town, or they just feel sad, or for all I know, it's just more problems coming down the pipeline.

How could I feel this strong energy and then it turns like that?

I don't know how I could write anything different when I have all this weird stuff going on surrounding my son. What would I do differently? What bothers me is that everyone seems to know what's going on except me around here. It wouldn't be a big deal if it was just playing dress up. But it's more than that. There are "unfriendly forces".

This woman told me last night that we all play a role and to just play my role. I said I didn't know what "role" I would be playing because I'm just "me" and trying to get my son and have a normal life.

Last night was strange. I talked to someone that I've talked to before and really felt the energy was all over the place. It wasn't good. It was all over the place. Sad, depressed and a few flashes of something strong, and not like it was one time. But then after I was talking, after I'd said what I thought about some psychic stuff, I felt this same kind of calm, even though I don't really know who I'm talking to or that I can trust this person at all, after I got offline, I felt this calm feeling. I felt like maybe something had been happening to my son and then maybe it stopped and there was just peace, but I don't know for sure. But it was odd because in that moment, it wasn't very calm or good at all. It was fraught and something was NOT right and I knew it, and then it was after I was off, I felt at peace. What that means I don't know.

I started looking up some things I'd said in connection with Nic and was shocked myself. I was stunned. I was objective, and said to myself I may have remembered something from something I read, but I couldn't believe how right I was about every single thing. I didn't even know why Angie came to mind but I then thought Angelina Jolie but I never knew they were ever together or in a movie together. And I didn't think it was romantic for now, but all this stuff came up and I thought, "Wow."

But I would never ever know myself, if I'd been right, and I had to look it all up. It was really nice to see get feedback though, honest feedback, because I need that in order to feel I'm practicing a gift God gave me appropriately. Because I don't know. I was asked if he was still in love with his wife and I didn't feel I should comment on things like that. I am too scared. Because that would or could affect how someone lives out their life and I wouldn't want to steer someone wrong and since I don't always know if it God through me, using me as a vessel, or just me and I'm screwing it up, I don't want anyone to rely on me that heavily.

I thought about it though. I thought, too bad I couldn't get paid for some of this, not on an individual level but more on a research level. I would like to be part of a project or research, but I could use the money and would like to be paid something too.
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the vibe is a little bit better a half hour later.
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I went to check on my diagnostics for my neck and things look okay generally. I'm not going to keel over anytime soon from neck stuff. But I feel very sad. I don't know what's going on and I just wanted to cry. Then, I finished with my appointment, and it feels like everything is a contest. Everything. I don't know who is straight up or not. I met with this woman to help fill things out for billing to the state for things but then I thought, the only way that this is going through is if I say I'm mentally or physically too disabled to work and I'm neither. I've been trying to get my unemployment and all these problems...I don't know what to do. I really don't know who to trust. On one hand my family tells me to trust some people they know but they're not helping me, at least directly and I don't know why--maybe bc of pressure. Then I, I just don't know. Every single thing has come down to if I say I'll come back for something, it credits one group and if I fill out papers for insurance, it's something else.

This man walked by a few minutes ago with a rhino on his shirt. Which made me think about something I think I can publish which has to be innocuous. I was thinking or praying about either Princess Di or Charles and "rhino" came to mind. I thought, rhino didn't make sense. I've heard of "hippo" and she had a hippo that was in her sitting room, but nothing about rhino. That was a small thing.

It's a very small thing and I don't know what it means but it came to mind. So I'll have to look up rhino. Don't know why it came to mind but it was last night or the night before.
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Just looked it up. I don't know. I found stuff on Tusk, and so I wonder if I'd seen a blip somewhere. I had not read a full article until today, I did, but I don't know if that influenced me. However, it was for Prince Charles not William. That's what came ot mind, along with thinking about Di. So I looked up Charles and I guess he did some work with the rhino issue...I couldn't find anything about Di.

I would like to begin practicing with more people, doing "readings" in trying to guess things, to see if I'm any good or not and so far, with honest people, I have been and then others have lied when I'm right just to lead me off and doubt myself. I had a few people even buying me drinks when I got things right about them, they were so shocked--very specific things. It's harder with celebrities bc they already have so much info out about them, even if you've never seen that info, it's probably more difficult to get people to believe it's really spontaneous and that you weren't looking at sources first. Also, I try to think, on my own, "could I have come across this in a book or mag and it's just popping to mind now?"

What was sort of strange is I was sitting here and this magazine was facing me and it was Angie Jolie, some article about her other relationships. She was just in mind last night, but for the first time in a long time, as I don't follow her. I laughed at one part though, where she said she sometimes ripped Brad's shirts when she was mad. It made me think about the times I tore Alvaros shirt with buttons popping off everywhere and how embarrassed he was, driving around town with one hand clenching his shirt together so his chest wasn't exposed like the playboy he is. I wasn't mad though--I just did it for shock factor. I know I destroyed at least 2 of his shirts, maybe 3. I love that image of him driving around, suddenly all self-conscious and staring at me...hhaaaahaa. It was so funny. He did NOT know what to think of that. oh so funny. I liked the way the buttons went "ping! ping! ping!" against the metal in the car. Like a bee-bee gun, out of control. He was looking to the side when he always tells me to look straight ahead, looking side to side, and looking in his rearview mirror, and if he knew how to blush he would have blushed. I was surprised he didn't just leave it open but no, he was no Fabio in public. I called him Fabio at that moment though for the brief moment skin was exposed. It was very funny.
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Anyway, I need to find W.Wagler. I don't know where he is and no one else does either. I saw him, I think, for one very brief moment at a cafe once, just briefly, and then I saw his sister once, I know that for sure. But I never saw him again, if that was him in the cafe.
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I really would like to try to practice the psychic thing more. Just with different people.

Oh darn, now I'm sensing the sad thing again but it was fine before.