I'm An Idiot, Not a Doctor

Now I'm hearing maybe the blood is okay. I'm talking to someone who says it's very low, but not necessarily so low it immediately requires blood transfusion.

I am considering going in for a D&C because of the pain and the fact I've not passed all the placenta. It's still coming out, but just tiny pieces, and I miscarried 5 days ago now, AND had the Cytotec.

It's one thing to be passing blood and tissue or clots, but another thing to still have placenta--if you get an infection it will permanently affect fertility.

I just changed the title of this post.

After starting to write this, I talked to another guy from ER, a Brennam, or Brennan? Anyway, really good doctor, who explained blood stuff to me. I was confused. My blood levels are really okay...sort of low but okay. I was thrown off on how they read things, because when I kept hearing, "We gave you blood transfusions when you were at 7" I thought this meant a 7 for "red blood cell" count. What they really go by, is hemoglobin, turns out.

I was right about some other stuff--even complex stuff, but I was wrong about something really easy, which makes me sound so stupid. It's okay though, everyone makes mistakes and I deserve to be taken down a notch after thinking all these doctors must be total idiots and I was going to have to go to med school to show them all a thing or two. Just kidding. I would not do well at med school. Like I've said, I'm really bad and dislike labs, exams, and surgery stuff. The only part I like is the reading and figuring things out part. It would be fun to be a medical detective, where you just figure out what's wrong with people.

What I liked about GW's Brennam, is that he was easy going, and was open to taking my questions and explained everything in a quick, but thorough and logical way. I actually think he'd be a good teacher or instructor or something.

And, I wrote critical things about Spitzer, but I really didn't dislike her. She was sort of someone I could see myself being friends with outside of that arena, even though I didn't like the know-it-all part, and didn't know why she was defending some strange things, and wanted to know where my fetus was going...I still liked her personality in general and she was professional.

Again, at GW, I felt safe and that everyone was professional, whether I agreed with them or liked them or not.

I liked Dr. Collin's approach, from OBGYN, too, in helping me figure things out. She wasn't critical of me when I asked questions and helped me to look at the whole spectrum of alternatives, and she validated my concerns about what was happening. She felt it was definitely my call for the D&C and that this was something she'd call the ER to have them ready, if I wanted it. So I really, really, appreciated being heard by her.

It just takes me some time to think about everything, look at all of my options, and investigate everything. Even when I think I'm right, I still double-check and triple-check myself, to be sure, which is how I finally figured out I was wrong to be concerned about my current blood levels and need for transfusion. I am at least proud of myself for always checking my "work". I did this with the legal stuff, when I was, long ago, able to try being pro se. I checked things out through and through and while it took an enormous amount of time, by the time I was done, I usually got it right.

How embarrassing though, as I'm totallly wrong, and telling everyone in the world to double check the doctors. Hahahaha! Well, we could all check things out, and I still know it is wrong to think experts know everything. Everyone can miss things.

I also liked the Russian doctor, who wouldn't give me her name (she probably knew about my blog and she always had her name tag turned inward) until, she said, "after". She was the one from PGH and there were a couple of really good nurses (about 3 total) and one other intern I liked, an Asian intern (woman).

I didn't have very good experiences at Fairfax, but I know they have some excellent doctors there. Some very good looking ones too, I might add. But I was in the low-income clinic portion and there was just prejudice from the get-go, once again I think.

In the future, if I'm pregnant again, I will find the top rated hospital for OBGYN stuff, in my state and if there's not a good one, I'll move. That's even if I'm here in the U.S., because I really don't want to live here any longer.

I mean, maybe if someone starts figuring things out, about things that have been done to me and my son, and justice system illegalities get corrected and fixed, I would be happy staying. If someone made things "right" and stopped blaming me and claiming the magnetic pulse stuff was in my head, and that the threats on even my life and all the vandalisms and theft and slander...you know if someone cleared my name, I would think about staying. But it seems to me that people who are involved in destroying me and my reputation, have fairly high positions and then plenty of others to do their dirty work. Who is investigating them? Why are they not being questioned?

I'm not sure WHY I even think I have this unseen "army", as I've said, that is rallying around me and I don't know if it's just individuals who are beginning to trust and believe me, about everything, or if it's a group, I don't know. I see absolutely no one doing anything to clear my name and sort this out. For some reason, though, I feel and sense, I am gaining some kind of ground.

On the other hand, I'm only disappointed. But my family especially. I called them to let them know what was going on, because when I had to have blood transfusions, I knew the problems were partly because of damage to my stomach and insides from the magnetic pulse overexposure. I'll write about talking to my family later, not right now.

I just wanted to admit I was wrong about something in this post. I really want to write about my impressions from people at GW though, next, and yet my roommate needs the computer so I don't have much time.