Need to Dance!

I hear Men in Hats "Safety Dance" and I wish I were friends with Elton John and a bunch of gay guys who really love music and like good dancing. I actually, have to say, really enjoyed the times I was at this gay men's bar in D.C...Was it Jakes or something? i wrote about it. They were so crowded and pretty welcoming. I just felt it was nice to be around male energy and yet feel I was not objectified unless it was lust over my shoes or handbag. I tell you what, some stunning, gorgeous gay men in D.C. La creme de la creme.

There was one night, I paid to go to this concert that wasn't so great--the D.J.s were just so-so and I had a hard time dancing because the acoustics felt farway. Everyone left early so I was glad to know it wasn't just me. But these two gay guys took me under their wings that night and we just danced like crazy, as much as possible, in those conditions. I still remember them.

I have also run into some more obviously lesbian women who are very easy to be with. I think it's maybe the "well I'm not gay, but I still feel very 'different'" thing.

I feel I relate more to Jews, (and now, Germans from Czeck!) and others of ethnic cleansing after finding out so many in my family have this thing: sectoral heterochromia. It's an honor and a curse because it's said to stem from old royal or courts families, but it was also something you were EXTERMINATED for by Nazis!

I actually can't wait to get back to Wenatchee and just start taking a closer look at my family. The Bizarre Bairds. All referred to one another as "the clan". There's not a lot of education but I think it was a dumbing down due to religion or something? The older generations are far more educated, but all were very smart. Mainly entrepreneurs too.

This song, "Get Out of My Dreams; Get Into My Car" absolutely makes me think of Robin Bechtold. He dedicated this song to me, telling me he had a dream about me and I was getting out of his car and he wanted me to get back in.

Oh, I really love Billy Idol. I think one of my favorites, of all discoveries, is Billy Idol. I would like to have his CDs. I feel a rush of warmth when I hear his music. His phrasing is beyond the pale. The sound engineering is gorgeous and the mix of his voice with instruments is just beautiful. Not to mention his lyrics. I think I want to read about him. "Sweet Sixteen" knocks me over, but so do his other songs.

I like Prince too. I wish I could meet someone who is just really experimental like Prince and Bjork. Absolutely willing to go out on a limb and be unconscious or self-conscious but still artsy but not sloppy. I like the crazy, let-it-go and then refine it like a diamond artists. The ones who are perfectionists but who are also not afraid. I think I am this way to some degree, in that I used to practice songs over and over, to get a phrase just right, for hours. At least 3-4 hours a day. Working on music. So I was obsessive-compulsive (in a good way) about music and then also with running.

With writing, I practice letting it all "go", uncensored. I write what I feel in the moment no matter how dangerous or extreme it is, but I choose this. It was embarrassing at first and I felt self conscious and then it was incredibly liberating. And if I'm going to write about others, it's only fair I write the best and worst about myself too.