Woman to Woman Music & Penny Toss

A Fine Frenzy's "Ranger" is excellent. I like the message of this song. Woman to woman. I need songs dedicated to women, by women, for women.

I told the German woman I talked to yesterday that I enjoyed our conversation and she was someone interesting, diverse, and stimulating to talk to. She knew a lot about current events and I told her I needed more female friends but it was hard sometimes, to find other women who I had something in common with, who were not all about competition.

I really liked her, but the whole butterflies and flowers makes me wonder who sent her. She made a big point so...I don't know.

"Just A Little Bit" by Maria. "Unsung" by Vanessa Carlton has a good msg I think but I don't like the music. It's boring to me. I mean, I wish I could play the piano like that, or at all, but it's just not very interesting to me and her voice is ho-hum.

I like Leona's song "Better in Time". Anyway, I need to report Chris Dabney's shit. I already have, to some degree, but what happened wasn't right and it's scary besides, with comments that were made and the fact that my work was affected by things he was doing. He totally lied to me and others beside. I don't even know if he is Will Wagler or not. I saw him again and I thought, no it's not, but then I think, no I think it is and he's just older. He's Mr. Hope Community Church I believe.

And if that is the case, what he did was really, really, wrong. If it's NOT, it's sketchy in that he's undercover but I don't know where he got the info about me. Today is the day! I am cutting off the chains and reporting what I need to report.

I really like this song "These Words" by Natasha Bedingfield. I really like her voice, so much and her londonesque eccentricities. Like the baby video and song (i wanna have your babies) and her other videos too.

This song "One Step At A Time" is really good. It's one of my favorite pop songs. When I hear it, I see someone walking backwards though, not forwards, backwards, with a fishing pole and reeling it in. When I hear the walking/steps in the song, I see someone walking forward, or should, but for the rest of the song I see the woman taking one step at a time back, not forwards, and she's reeling it in with one of those fly-fishing poles. It's a big fly fishing pole, not a regular fishing pole and it's green. The part where you roll it up, is olive green.

Anyway, it's now noon and it's mixed sad and positive vibe. A lot of songs about leaving for Chicago and leaving and everything. Well, if Chris/Will is going to Chicago, fine. I seriously question this kind of tactic with music, especially in inserting all the death and dying songs which made me worried and concerned and call everyone I knew, up. Now, I'm getting all these "chicago" and leaving songs.

CRY ME A FUCKING RIVER.

Something is either real or it's not and if it is, someone does something about it. THey don't just act like an asshole and then leave a shadow of deceipt behind for CYA. Oh, I forgot, he doesn't work for the CYA, it's the FBI.

I'm referring to the CIA as the CYA from now on.

This is just going to be ammunition for my psychological evaluation and I don't miss that either. They're going to take one look at this and write me up as totally NUTS. All this stupid gaming is going to land me in a psych ward, which would make a LOT of people fucking happy.

I already decided though, I'm doing the psych eval and I am getting an independent one, but I'm going to let the state go ahead and pick out their best man or woman and I'm going to let them choose their best shot for making me out to be nuts and for claiming I need meds. I already decided this, and I have a strategy of my own that they will not be expecting. So bring it on hommies.

At any rate, it's cruel to put on all this music about dying, literally death songs, and not tell someone what is going on. THAT is called INTENTIONAL INFLICTION OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS. I had a whole day of death song after death song, and it's not nice to do that to someone, knowing I WOULD think there is something wrong, because it wasn't the normal playihg songs pattern. And then I write about it and sound nuts because no one else, except a few, know what's going on.

And if anyone is listening to what I'm listening to today, no, it's not one of those death song days, but I had a whole day of that, and it wasn't kind.

I feel the very good energy again. It's like it came back en force all of a sudden. Very powerful.

I just talked to a man and woman with two little girls, one in a cute ballet leotard. Both had these very clear blue eyes. The woman looked just like my mother's side of the family. Like she could be a sister of my mother and my aunt Holly (when they were younger). She reaaaally looked like my mother and that side of the family. I asked what her background was and she said a little bit German but more Irish. I've seen one other woman, a blond, who looked like my mother or my aunt Holly and that was about two days ago, this woman walked by the window and I saw her profile and thought she looked just like Holly when Holly was younger. Blue eyes, slightly longer face, blond hair, more of a nose that's sort of longer and thinner and maybe slightly raised, not exactly acquiline really, different somehow. I don't have that nose. My nose is actually sort of like Prince Harry's nose. I saw it the other day, in a photo and was, "That's MY nose!" Maybe not from the profile exactly, but looking straight on. It is one of the photos where he's looking down slightly, the one about the pink nails, and this little girl over here had the exact same shade of paint on her nails and showed it to me. Hahaa. lol. The matte-clear glossy flamingo pink shade. But these women, too, their eyes are just slightly more closely set, like my mother and I think, me too.

I am looking at this other little girl and she looks like she could be Exxon's kid. Which reminds me I still need to look at his passport. I keep telling him I want to see it, but then I forget.

I love Josh Nozukos "After Tonight" and "Undeniable" by Mat. Something is going on. I reeeeeaaally like the movement and dance quality of "Leavin'" by Jesse McCartney. It makes me want to dance like Chris Brown's "love all over the world" or whatever that song is. Leavin' is very good. I always want to dance to Josh's song with my hands up and then this one makes me just want to get on the dance floor.

I need some glasses. I am looking out this window and I feel like I know...I don't know, but I can't see a fucking thing. I can see basic face shapes and that's it. But it pisses me off.

INgird Michaelson's "corner of your heart"--she talks about sleeping underneath someone's bed. lol. Which reminded me of the time, I sadistically told my cousin she had to sleep under my bed. I was a girl of course, probably 11 or so, but she came over to visit and I told her she could sleep under my bed and she DID. I don't remember what I was thinking, but SHE rmemebers and tells the whole family about it whenever there is a family get together. She laughs and the whole family laughs, but I can't believe I did that. Is that not horrible?!! I remember it too. I gave her some blankets and told her there wasn't enough room in MY bed, so she could sleep under the bed. And she did, for at least one night, and then, crawling out from underneath in the morning...as her hair was caught on the springs under the bed and she was stuck there, with her hair caught in the coils, and she started to cry and my mom came in and yelled at me. WHY did I do that?? I have no idea, because I wasn't trying to be rreally mean, and we had a lot of fun. I think I thought...I have no idea. I wasn't a mean-spirited child at all, but I think I was ornry sometimes. I cut her ponytail too, but that wasn't to be mean at all. I seriously thought if I cut it straight across, it would look better, but then when we let her hair down, it was all uneven. I cut it to be even in the ponytail. So my aunt locklyn was PISSED and didn't let Rani stay the night for a long time aftger that, thought I was terrorizing her daughter. I guess the Bairds are getting me back for past wrongs now. I also...hahhaaaaaaaaaaaa...put all this olive oil in her hair, but THAT wasn't to be mean either...i thought it would work like a hot oil treatment but then it wouldn't come OUT, not even after several shampoos. So her mom, locklyn, came to pick her daughter up and here she was, tears in her eyes, hair all uneven, and greasy and sick looking, and she's wimpering, "She made me sleep under her BED! (sniff, sniff)". Sweet beautiful Rani looked trashed and Locklyn thought i did it to be mean but I didn't. the only questiojnable part was why ?! I wanted her to sleep under my bed.

I DID used to be afraid there were alligators (or monsters, but I imagined they were alligators) under my bed. When I was little, I would take a flying leap into bed because I was scared there might be something underneath it. So I'd try to do a longjump from the door. I'd do a running start and then JUMP! all the way to the bed. So maybe Rani was to sleep under the bed to keep the monsters away and meanwhile I was the monster and Locklyn was livid. LIVID. You should have seen what Rani looked like. It was sad then, but hilarious now. Even SHE laughs about it.

anyway, i don't know what's going on. because something IS GOING ON. I can sing to this one, "Amazing" by Josh Kelley.

I like "Watch Out Billie" by Nerina Pallot. That's a very true song, with a lot of good in it.

You know what's not funny about the death and dying song stuff, is that I've seen people who are seriously dying at the same time. I mean, the guy with a huge tumor on his face and then there was this guy who drove by today, by the window, in a station wagon, and his face was wasted away. I couldn't tell who it was, but the guys' face was very very thin and for a split second I thought my friend Robin Bechtold but I thought, no couldn't be. But people ARE dying, and it's not funny to joke about it with "O Death" songs all day, and not tell me what's going on. It's mean. I've met a lot of dying people lately and I just hope no one thinks I'm some kind of prophet or something.

And, on that note, I do NOT agree with charging people for something that is given as a GIFT. Like Noreen Renier. I think there's something to her stuff but she's charging people for it. I believe, if you get information like that, it's a god given gift and that you practically curse yourself to try to charge for it. And besides, how do you know when or IF you're right about something? You don't know, usually, until AFTER the fact.

And it's wrong to mislead people. If you're just doing a fun fortune telling thing, where it's for fun and no guarantees, that's one thing. But if you really truly have some kind of gift, I think it's wrong to charge people for it or for whatever insights that person might have. Like, if Noreen is using her gift to find dead people, why the hell is she charging people? SHE didn't PAY for lessons to get that gift. It was a gift to HER and she should be giving it back as a gift to others, for good.

I can understand being paid for time to travel to a site maybe, to get a "feel" for a place if someone needs that, to get a better picture. But not for the actual gift. I would just think it should be for incidentals and nothing more.

And, I cannot imagine anyone trying to claim, seriously, to know what others should do with their lives, or what has happened. Lives can get really screwed up that way--it's not right. I think, if it's real, you usually don't know it's something real or that you've hit on, until after the fact. That's my opinion. And in that case, I don't think it's right to charge money for it.

There is this gorgeous soccer coach here. wow. not looking, not looking...with a SHITTY english accent. I say shitty like "crunk" or whatever the slang is. What's weird, is from a distance I saw him and thought "english". not london. but i thought "he's english". he looks SO english. and then he got closer to his teams table and i heard the accent. he's married though.

you know what? he's wearing red and white too, which i noticed, since i'm noticing all the colors and things, but i just now heard his accent. maybe he's FROM london, i wouldn't know. i don't know the differences really, in english accents. but i definitely thought he was english and i guess I DO have a thing for the english accent. it started with the english bands i guess. that's when i noticed there is some sort of pull. that accent, for some reason, makes me believe someone is better than they might be, and that the music is better, and the man is even better looking. i have no idea why. i noticed the team of guys here though. they seem to be having a good time. it's a good group of boys. you know, though, the english scare me. fie fi fo fum. you know. the problem is that there are some good, but there are wolves in sheeps clothing and they did Diana in, I really do believe this! so how do you know who's who. I mean, soccer guy here, married nice soccer man seems fine, but really, never judge a book by the cover. never. ever. how can anyone tell with a peek inside either? it's like you have to read more than a chapter to know what someone is all about.

I have needed this time today, to think about a lot of things. I am still thinking. There is this one kid in front of me, 12, with big glasses that are wraparounds and he's so hilarious--he reminds me ot the guy from that movie with bill murray and the nerdy kid who is the leader of every theatrical and extracurricular club in school...

The english guy was showing the boys a penny game.

I don't know what the game is, but it's something to do with a penny and flipping it for heads or tails maybe? All the boys were playing, copper pennies everywhere. I noticed at the last minute, just before they got up to leave.

Actually, that could be incorporated into something really cool. The image of a bunch of boys tossing pennies around. I am getting some ideas for the future.