Need A Loan: More About Police

the ones i wrote last night came very fluidly. there is nothing like a little adrenaline to clear the shitty narcotic painkiller fog. i love writing in that zone because everything falls out of its own accord and i dont even have to think about what i'm going to say next. it took me aboutt 15 minutes or 20 minutes to just throw it out and it felt good. i didn't let music distract me either because sometimes it's good as background noise and other times too distracting and throws me off of catching the right motion, idea, or rhyme. i like what i wrote yesterday.

i lost it last night, for very good reason, and when i was talking with ex, and the same old thing was coming out of his mouth, i finally lost it and started SCREAMING. i never scream like that. then he tried to say he was afraid of me then, and i threw it back to him as in how dare he when he's in my face with his italian fingers pinched together and making a little dance in front of my nose all the time and i have to put up with THAT. then the whole, who is to be trusted, and i rattled off a huge list. i totally, was done. and all of a sudden, he's treating me like i'm the boss. after trying to make me his hostage. and then i'm fucking pissed, writing poems and thinking, where the hell did this come from? and i'm thinking, "am i a dominatrix?" or am i just VERY FUCKING PISSED and reminding some who need to be reminded not to FUCK with me. sick of it. "I don't know how YOU do business, but we don't do business like that in the United States." Using the U.S. for some kind of patriotic push, and taking on the "American girl" posture. The same "American girl" i say should fuck off, or maybe just making my own fucking definition of what an American girl is, and to take another look because i am fucking breaking the SHITTY mold.

i need financial assistance for the situation with my son. i don't have anything and i need help through at least someone who would be willing to offer me a big ass loan and i'm not going to get that from the bank.

i want to find someone who will give me a loan for at least $25,000. it would be better to have $50,000 of course, but i really need at least $25,000 to pay some stuff off. if I need to offer something in exchange, legally, aside from my body or soul, i will do a trade. but i need a loan. i have to run a couple of errands and then i will be at the Panera in germantown town center, (maryland) until late.

if someone wants to talk to me, that's where i'll be. i'm sure i risk running into weirdos putting that info out, but i'm living in a weirdo world and have already met my share of whackjobs. i don't mean mentally ill, i mean hardhearted and sadistic weirdos. but if someone normal wants to help, and is able to help with a loan, this is what i need. i have no problem signing for it, and detailing conditions.

I don't know what I could really offer (besides paying it back eventually) except something with writing and/or singing. If someone wants a poem, a song (melody and lyrics), a script, short story, or singing--that i can do and would enjoy doing. i don't even mind being a ghostwriter. i've done that in the past and my friend got acclaim, an A+, and everything thought the gifted class student was a brilliant genius for combining physics terminology into a poetic form. at any rate, that was school, but i'm sure, for the right person, since people have stolen my ideas in the past, i have something i can contribute. but i need to be paid something.

my ex, possibly still fiance, as of next Monday, cannot help with this and i've already asked. he is just starting to work here in the U.S. and he doesn't have money.

i like the song by snow patrol "run". i can sing this one and harmonize with it fairly well. i like maximo and "kiss you better." i like whatever accent that is too. oh it's english. i didn't know if it was scottish or english bc it was a little different. there are noticeable differences.

at any rate, i need money for a driver's license and i can't switch to a maryland license without paying off my tickets in Washington state. most of those tickets were the result of profiling and I didn't even do what they lied and said I did. On the last one I got, I got it while everyone in the town KNEW i was on the way to the federal courthouse. i had just dropped off my service to everyone and was on my way and i got pulled over and the officer refused to let me look at the radar he claimed clocked me speeding with my son in the car. by law, if I ask to see that radar, I get to see it but he was a fucking liar and wouldn't let me see it. anyway, i have at least $2,000 in unpaid tickets and after they changed the law, they were able to legally suspend my license. i AM guilty of a couple ticks, but not most of them and i have no reason to lie about that.

I was harassed all the time over there. it has been completely different on the East Coast. I've never been harassed once, and no one has been rude, or following me all around town. Oh, except for the officers in Hyattsville who I named, who were totally corrupt and worked with the Nigerian politician woman who lied about me and whose friend assaulted me. Aside from those police and one officer who was excusing a manager breaking into my apartment at the Dominion Towers, I haven't had problems. In general, the police here have been normal and even, actually, total gentlemen. I mean, I feel like they're looking OUT for me for once. I've met GOOD guys. But it was different in Wenatchee.

i am not shitting you--the shit going down in chelan-douglas was not normal. oh, and i've the state workers, my own social worker to thank for some of it. or christa. because i told only the two of THEM, that my auto insurance was about to EXPIRE and i didn't know how i was going to be able to afford to renew it. right after i said this, i started getting pulled over ALL THE TIME, by cops who would claim i did something i did NOT do, and then all they wanted was my insurance thing and they were reading it over and over. i was told i had made an illegal turn, at least 4 times and i was literally pulled over about 4-5 times, just so they had an excuse to try to catch me with expired insurance papers. then they wouldn't cite me for what they said they were pulling me over.

so, basically, these officers in chelan-douglas county, at the advice of some friend from the state offices, who I think was probably my social worker (whose husband was, i believe, a police officer) Tina Thorton, who was involved, anyway, they were MAKING UP excuses to illegally do a search on my car, because they thought my insurance was expired and that they could "get me" on this and if you don't have insurance, your license gets suspended and then I couldn't drive to Seattle or out of the area for medical diagnostics I and my son needed; I couldn't discuss my case with king county lawyers; AND I couldn't drive to Spokane to make my case. The state and people in the FBI did NOT want me to be able to leave this country for Canada, at any time, not until they finished totally trashing me and my reputation to clear themselves for obstruction of justice.

So, I have a ton of tickets to pay off, but actually I was pulled over WAY more than the record shows, and it was not documented because I was able to prove I'd been cited wrongly in most cases and they knew I'd take it to court. They didn't want the hassle--all they wanted was to lie and pull me over for one thing I did NOT do, to try to find something ELSE to get me on. It was dirty and it happened to me, all the time there.

So, I need to be able to drive or I am trapped in that town and that's not a good or safe thing at all, for me.

I need the money for paying off those tickets so I can get a Maryland license plate and then I have several other "basics" I have to take care of. I have to go back, even if I don't stay, to visit my son. I need money for tickets to fly back and forth.

My back is not okay still. I am going through the Percocet way too fast, but it's because I really have pain and the steroid thing did nothing. I need something stronger that will last. I would like to go to this world renowned Dr. that was recommended to me, who is a really good specialist, to take a look at all my herniated discs and help me figure something else out for pain management so I can work. I don't feel I could work with all the level of Percocet I need. It would be better if I had Percocet but had something like a major local shot to block the pain, or something. I still take Advil too, but I think I need something else and I'm not taking anything that's oral that affects my brain. My brain is to be preserved like a historic landmark.

I also need a car. My ex looked at me and was upset I didn't just go to the DMV but went somewhere else with it. I said, "what's the problem?" i told him, he never tells me where HE is all the time, but I tell HIM. I said, "you think I'm going to skip town in that piece of shit? even if I DO, who the fuck CARES?!" i reminded him he only paid $1,000 which is about $250 for each fucking tire. i told him, so what if I go somewhere different? so WHAT?! i asked them to pick me up the other night because i was on my first period in a half year and i was stressed out and lightheaded and didn't think it was good for me to drive and I kept getting lost. I told him, it wasn't because i was intoxicated, or on drugs, or anything i should blame myself for. then i reminded, him, and he acted fucking SURPRISED, to learn I've been DRIVING since I was fucking fifteen years old and I've ALWAYS had my OWN car, not just a hunk of junk to share between TWO people. He acts like he doesn't need to respect me at all as if he's doing me some big favors or something and I had to ask, what does he think I am? I told him CANADA owed me fucking money for what THEY did in cooperation with the U.S. My CAR is, or WAS, in Canada. They forced me to leave it behind and for the first time in my life I didn't have a car. Not to mention all my clothing and other things were in that car which cannot be replaced. Not to mention their JAILING of me because they BENT their own laws and rules and ignored them, to make the U.S. happy. I don't know. How hard should I have to WORK, to be fucking compensated for the shit that these countries have done to me? If I had a fucking good lawyer, I should be paid billions for what they've done to ME and to my SON. And NO ONE cares if i get my son back or not. They all think it's just fine, that he's with my aunt and uncle, and that it doesn't or shouldn't matter to ME. If I don't get my son back I am joining the fucking Al-Quaida is what I'm fucking going to do.

You DO NOT FUCK WITH A MOTHER LIKE ME.

Besides the basics, I need money for legal retainer. and I need money for independent evaluations that I've not had yet, and the state "programs and services" are NO good to me at all. They are in an adversarial position towards me and tried to keep me from even getting medical diagnostics I needed.

Am I asking for too much? i don't fucking think so. I think a LOT of people and groups owe me HUGE for what they did to me and my son, and I do not feel ashamed to be asking others to help me when the people responsible, who are "supposed" to be the "good guys" are frozen in their mistakes. I just got an image for that.

I really like "The Killers" All The Things That I've Done. so fucking incredibly good. i mean, this is one band that is going to be classic and make it past the test of time. really fucking fantastic. my favorite part--i got soul but i'm not a soldier. with the choir coming in.